Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “What’s a good holiday present for 1) a guy you’ve just started dating (sleeping with), 2) a guy you’ve been exclusive with for a year or so, 3) a husband?”
Straight Married Guy (Ben): I favor “experience” presents over things you buy at the store. The basic rules are a) something fun, sexy or sweet that b) you wouldn’t normally do that c) shows how cool and/or loving you are, and — this part is very important — that d) you take care of ALL the details. Where you are in the relationship changes the level of difficulty (or intensity) of the task.
1) Maybe tickets to see a show or a game (fun), or to see hipster burlesque (sexy), or how about side-by-side massages at the spa (sweet).
2) Maybe skydiving or scuba lessons, a weekend as his sex slave, or a getaway to a lit or music festival.
3) This is marriage now, so make it count: i) a scuba trip (passport required) or ii) fulfill a sexual fantasy, his choice, no questions asked, or iii) plan a weekend away — including a sitter.
On the other hand, you could just buy him a nice single malt scotch: 1) a ten year, 2) a 15 year, 3) a 25 year.
Gay Single Guy (Daniel):
1) For the guy you’ve just started dating/schtupping, I suggest getting him something that show that you’ve been paying attention to him and his interests. For example, maybe you’ve noticed that he is into Japanese anime. I would do a little research online for a highly regarded anime film that is rare or difficult to purchase Stateside, and purchase it on eBay or wherever you can. What that says to him is that you are aware of the little things that bring him joy and you’ll see his face light up in surprise and amazement. He’ll be impressed.
2) For the guy you’ve been exclusive with for a year, I think you should make one of his sexual fantasies come true. I am totally serious because the timing is just right to demonstrate that you’re both interested in long-term fulfillment, which includes sexual. After a year together, maybe the sex is getting predictable anyway, so maybe it will be a holiday present for you too!
3) As for the husband, give him something that will let him spend some quality time away from you and/or the family – like a fishing rod (so he can go fishing) or a weekend mountain biking trip. Often times when you are married, you find that you’ve lost touch with yourself and the things you once loved to do because of time or other responsibilities. People need their own time to reboot, be away, have a break from their every day lives. And that is an amazing gift to someone you’ve already pledged to spend the rest of your life with.
Straight Single Guy (Max):
1) Don’t get him anything. It’s the best way to keep it fun and light. Sure, you can and should go have a baller dinner and some crazy sex but please, spare us. Holiday gifts at the beginning of a relationship are a lot more alarming than touching. Also, you can bet on the fact that he won’t get anything for you, and do you really want that awkward situation?… Wait, don’t answer that. I think you might.
2) After a year, it’s your call. My one suggestion would be to do something that you normally wouldn’t, like taking him to see his favorite sports team or buying the whole James Bond series and then watching it with him. (Remove clothes and add beer for effect.) Simply put, remind him that you rule.
3) Wow. I have to imagine that I’m married? I don’t know what I’d want as a husband… Maybe a classic car or a divorce. Anything else would be for the both of you.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com; our Single Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England. To ask the guys your own question, click here.