Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: What is a guy-friendly date?
Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Seriously? Anything that doesn’t involve talking about feelings.
Straight Married Guy (Fred): If he’s into you, anything is a guy-friendly date. Okay, maybe not ballroom dancing for a football guy. But then again, with ballroom dancing, he gets to put his hands all over you, so that could still be good. Watching “Dancing With The Stars,” that would be unfriendly to guys (note to wife). To make a date really enjoyable for guys, food and sex is really all it takes, but let’s just focus on the entertainment portion of the evening. One of my favorite dates was driving mini-race cars. Another was going to Coney Island in NY. Another was when my car broke down and we had to wait for hours in the closest bar for the tow truck. I would guess sporting events would be an enjoyable date for most guys, but I’m not a sports guy so that wouldn’t work for me. I know a man who’s into vintage hot rods and floral arranging (I did not make that up), so it’s difficult to narrow in on what will please guys in general. Everyone’s different. But again, if he’s into you, you are the main attraction.
Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): I’m tempted to say something macho like a football game or a Demolition Derby, but actually I’d rather do that kind of guy stuff with my guy friends. On a date, I want to get to know a girl but at the same time have a little fun, so a guy-friendly date would be something fairly brief (we don’t need a lot of time to figure out if we like someone), not too expensive (are we telling the truth here or what?), and of course the best dates are the ones that end up, well…between the sheets. (Hey, don’t blame me — guys are just made that way.)
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
It seems to me that the general response here is spot on. If the “Who” is right, the “What” becomes almost immaterial. I know from personal experience that if my date and I are into each other it doesn’t really matter whether we’re dropping a new engine into her pickup, picking strawberries or scrapbooking at my apartment. Regardless of the setting, we’ll have fun.
Swing dancing is an excellent idea: sexy, wearing clothing that will say a lot about each of you, probably very slightly outside both your zones of comfort forcing you together, very physical (much better than stereotyped banter), and…dadah!…fun. However, as all the men keep saying over and over…why are you trying so hard? Sex and beer will attract men as surely as peanut butter will attract mice. (Note: reverse order of importance for Australian men.) Just relax, wear something sexy but subtle, don’t talk about your ex-boyfriend, and let biology take its course.
Guy friendly? What the heck does that mean? Are you afraid he’ll run away if you don’t jump through hoops to read his mind and give him what HE wants? Get real! Dates vary by mood, income, children, and phases of the moon so you need to be more clear about the situation when you ask the question in the first place.
If you mean a “getting to know you” date then I suggest that learning to swing dance would be fabulous. It’s a new skill for both of you, puts him outside his comfort zone, and it’s not all stiff like ballroom dancing.
The good part here is seeing how he learns, how he deal with frustration in a new environment, and if he’s comfortable being a “newbie” in front of others. Patience, humor, physical grace, good manners, and the ability to keep a beat are all useful man-type skills you might see (or not) on display and assist you in your decision to keep or toss.
Bad part is the same goes for you.
Other sorts of dates (say escaping from kids after 10 years of marriage, might be longer than one night, involve better wine, and are things both of you know you enjoy already but in a new location.
Just some thoughts