Why Are Guys So Into Threeways?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Is the FFM threeway really the holy grail for straight guys? If so, why? And if it’s not, why do so many people assume it is?”

Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos): Here, the gay man’s experience proves to be particularly insightful. Left to our own devices, gay men will faithfully prove the old adage: more is merrier (albeit messier). Perhaps it’s our natural inclination toward group sports, our desire to test the boundaries of teamwork and nimbleness, becoming a three-pronged hub of collective effort and pleasure. Or maybe we’re just insatiable beasts. Either way, if straight men are anything like gay men, having sex with you and your yoga instructor, Amber, is not the holy grail for straight guys. Incorporating your entire women’s softball team into the bedroom, on the other hand, would be.

anonymous_suitStraight Married Guy (Figleaf): I think it just ties a lot of stereotypical male fantasies together: voyeurism, variety, the possibly mistaken impression that women just automatically know better how to give each other orgasms (which guys generally really want but aren’t always sure how to give). There are also the fantasies of polygamy, of enabling promiscuity (a girlfriend might not mind you sleeping around if she’s right there with you doing it). And there’s also the not-quite-laughable fantasy that the average man can satisfy two (or more) women, at the same time, all by himself.

In my only real, all-the-way threeway I joined a woman I had a desperate crush on and together we gave her partner an extremely good time. But after that we fulfilled my favorite holy grail: one-on-one sex ’til dawn with an experienced, very enthusiastic partner that I really, really like. Based on that experience, I think threeways are perfectly lovely. But they’re more of an “everyone should visit Paris” sort of milestone than a holy grail. Put it this way: I don’t think as many people lose as much sleep wishing they could have a second threeway as they do wishing they could have their first.

anonymous_suitStraight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): Omg yes! Kings and rockstars have been doing it since the beginning of time because it’s divine. It’s rare and it doubles your pleasure, but beyond that I’m not sure exactly why it’s so desirable. Maybe it fulfills some deep primal validation of being the leader of the pack — in primate societies, the chief ape acquires a harem by nature of his supremacy, so maybe we have a little of that. Most guys have tried for years to make it happen, but not everyone can. So if you ever do, you’ll get a lasting memory and exalted status among your (male) friends.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is Angelo Nikolopoulos, host of an NYC queer reading series The White Swallow, and our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. I have been in several threesomes, over the years…and they were all very different to each other. unsurprisingly it is about what the different people bring to the party, so to speak…and about why it is happening.
    My first was with two women, one was a new girlfriend, the other a friend I had known since high school… it was basically a lot of giggles and stories and sex…. it was like a sleep-over party with sex.

    My next one had lots more undertones and sort of powerplay going between the two women involved. It was not bad, but it was very “different” to the first,and had me feeling (not involuntarily) like a game piece between the two of them.

    My third was the only one I ever had where I was one of two men… And the woman in that event was very much our focus. It started as massage and other pampering to make her feel better after something, and progressed from there with her pleasure and total hedonism still being the goal of the night. To that end it was pretty wonderful to be part of, but it totally lacked the equal-third-shares that the first time I mentioned did.

    So I guess, from my perspective, done right, and with open eyes, it is just another valid and nifty way of sharing love and affection if everyone is into it.

  2. I believe guys like to have FFM just for the experience, but its very hard to keep that going for long. The best way is for everyone to be single, then, you don’t have a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend sitting there watching the other get more pleasure. Lots of women love having a MMF, with the two men lavishing all over the woman and giving her tons of pleasure. Not all guys like having a three-way. And lots of guys (and girls) have lost a relationship by trying a three-way. If you are in a relationship, never push the other into something like this if its going to ruin your relationship.

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