Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “If I sleep with a new guy and everything went great — long talk beforehand, great chemistry, lots in common, orgasms all around — when can I reasonably expect a call from him? And will the number of days he waits to call correspond with his level of interest? Also, how soon can I call him to express that I’m interested?”
Straight Single Guy (Max): If you’ve had a great hook up and just can’t wait for the guy to call, the best advice I can give you is to make an offer that he can’t refuse. While a text the next day can be real nice, I will tell you (or perhaps remind you) how skittish we men can be. Rather than attempt a long and meaningful phone conversation, try inviting him to something awesome. A quick note about meeting you at a concert, comic book signing (true story) or maybe a wine tasting is much more intriguing than a call or text that is clearly testing the waters. If things went as well as you think, how can he say no? Then, when back together and in person, you can better evaluate your budding relationship.
Straight Married Guy (Ben): Every now and then as us married folks are sitting on the edges of our seats, living vicariously, grilling you for every salacious detail of your last crazy hook up or random sexual encounter, will you please, please, please finish your story, smile nervously and ask us this question? Or better, throw in things like texting, email, facebook, twitter and remind us just how fucking complicated the internet has made even relatively simple issues like, “How long do I wait for him to call?” This is, after all, why we got married. So we don’t have to deal with all this stupid bullshit. (The answer, in case you were wondering, is two days. If he hasn’t called you, call him and if he doesn’t call you back within a day, move on. Unless he tweets, updates his status, sexts or IMs — then all bets are off.)
Gay Single Guy (Bradford Shellhammer): This question I never get. If a guy likes you he’ll call you immediately. If he waits days, or weeks, then he’s not interested! For every day he does not call that is a day he was pursuing someone else.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com; our Gay Guy is fellow SUN blogger Bradford Shellhammer, the creative director of fabulis and a New York Times featured decorator; and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
Honestly, I think any kind of “rule” about this is ultimately silly. My goal with relationships and dating is to be as honest about who I am and what I want as possible so that I then end up with people who like me for who I actually am and want the same things I do.
I figure call him when you want to! If you feel like you’d like to talk to him or make contact the day after, then do it. I do think Max’s advice is good in that it’s probably smart to have something to contact him about, like a next date or some funny anecdote or whatever, but if you feel like talking then do it. If he’s not as into you as you are into him, if he’s less interested in talking than you are, then you’ll probably find out pretty quickly. And better to know sooner than later, eh?
Also, as someone who does indeed have a busy dating life and therefore doesn’t always manage to contact people within a day of sex, I don’t think you have to feel heartbroken if a day has passed and he hasn’t texted. Shit’s busy, you know.
^ “for every day he doesn’t call he… is pursuing someone else”
True, but that doesn’t mean he’s not interested! Some people just have very active dating lives when they’re not officially attached.
Send a text the next day. Like Max said, keep it light and flirty – no pressure, no explicit discussion about where things will go from here. Maybe don’t even suggest a second meet-up.
Here’s a real-life email I got from a woman next-day: “I wasn’t expecting to get lucky last night! That’ll keep me smiling all day! ;)”
I loved that email. Light, flirty and fun. It conveyed her interest without getting all smothery. SO much better than others I’ve gotten (and occasionally sent), which were like, “I really had a good time last night, and I hope we can see each other again soon. How about tomorrow?”