Wise Guys: Who Has to Work Harder During Sex, Men or Women?

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Advice from three of EM & LO‘s guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “Who has to work harder during sex: men or women? Why?”

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): I know for a fact men have to work harder just to have sex in the first place. As for who is burning more calories during the deed, it is going to depend on several factors, including but not limited to: Position (Missionary has the him controlling most of the motion but something a bit more advanced, such as Reverse Cowgirl, can be quite exhausting for her); Time of day (morning sex might have either person working harder, especially if one partner is still sleeping); Physical capabilities (if she is a jazzercise instructor and he is a professional couch potato, she most likely will be steering the ship). I think it’s nice to alternate positions based on degree of difficulty to make sure everyone is feeling that deep burn.

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): Not a good question to ask a married man – when it comes to sex, my wife and I are equally lazy. From what I remember from my time “in the saddle”, sex can be as energetic (or otherwise) as you desire, regardless of your gender. Of course, the traditional approach required more effort from the man, rutting away in the missionary position until sowing his seed in his mistress’ fertile loins. But in these liberated post-SATC times, sexual roles – and positions – are negotiable, so whoever wants to take the lead is free to. As long as someone can be bothered…

Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): No one ever says “wait ‘til my labia is fully erect” or “can’t get your clitoris up?” before sex. A hard penis means working hard. Men, hands down.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook, a British writer/illustrator working in Berlin with his photographer wife on their cool blog, Überlin; our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter; and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett of Tyler Barnett PR in LA. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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18 Comments on "Wise Guys: Who Has to Work Harder During Sex, Men or Women?"

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reading the previous comments above I find myself agreeing and strongly disagreeing with a lot of comments but I believe both male and female comments above have kinda drifted from the original question. . .Who has to work harder DURING sex men or women? I believe in order to have a successful sex partnership, both of the party’s need to work hard. Men tend to have a stronger physical physique and gentlemen why not use this to your advantage often sparking interesting position ideas which a women might be lacking the strength and the body parts to often perform (again… Read more »

I believe that there are a lot of good points listed above but some may drift from the question. . .who works harder DURING sex? I believe that it is hard for both parties wether it is the position or the mental aspect of it all. I find myself after/during feeling different emotions I believe (in most cases) a man can and should work harder in pleasing his partner do to his physical advantages again (in most cases the man is stronger than the women and should use this to both of there advan


what about the lesbian answer?


KMD – you’ve never been woken gently by a horny partner and slipped gently into morning sex? trust me, it’s a damn good way to start the day.. :0)


“especially if one partner is still sleeping”…um, I´m sorry, but what you´re lightheartedly joshing (at least, I hope you’re not serious) about would qualify as rape in most people´s book. Ha bloody ha.

As Melissa points out, women have a mental aspect to being ready for sex. It’s hard when a man is ready in 5 seconds for sex but it’s said to take the female mind and body 20 minutes to be fully warmed up for sex. I think who does more work solely depends on the position used and as for getting some, I think women have to work harder at finding a guy to have sex with. It’s assumed in the above comments that the man has no problem with getting an erection but that isn’t always the case.. Performance… Read more »

Well, I would simply put it as men (usually) have to work harder physically, whereas women generally have to work harder mentally (ex: to get/stay in the mood, etc)