Wise Guys: Why Are Men Into Strip Clubs?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why are some guys so into strip clubs? Do most guys buy into the fantasy that the stripper is actually enjoying herself — or don’t they care?

Straight Single Guy (Colin): Lots of guys aren’t into strip clubs. Probably more are kind of weirded out by them than you might think. For the ones who do enjoy an outing to the nearest nudie bar, it’s usually about the visual overload of the body parts we fantasize about all day long. Finally we can be praised for overtly staring at a woman’s breasts. We might imagine what women around us look like naked and a strip club is an opportunity to live the dream. It’s fun to pretend the stripper is enjoying herself, and some are at some times, but in the end it’s just pretending and most of us probably know — like a twelve your old who still plays into his parents leaving milk and cookies out for Santa Claus.

Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): I’m not sure I’m really in a position to answer this, because I’ve worked as a stripper, and I kind of loved it. This is one way in which it’s much easier to be a gay man than a straight man:  you don’t have to worry that you’re objectifying female sex workers.

That said: I think the fantasy that the stripper is enjoying herself is exactly what makes strip clubs so exciting.  Your average Joe is not the kind of guy at whom a gorgeous, scantily clad woman is likely to hurl herself. He’s just not attractive enough, or manly enough, or sexy enough, or powerful enough, or whatever enough. But the moment he walks into a strip club, gorgeous, scantily clad women start hurling themselves at him — a thing that couldn’t happen unless he were incredibly attractive, manly, sexy, powerful, and whatever. In a way the excitement isn’t about the woman in front of him at all; it’s about how she allows him to see himself.

Stripping has its own psychological rewards, by the way, at least for men who do it; these too come from how it allows the stripper to see himself. I have to imagine that stripping offers at least some of the same rewards to women who do it.

Straight Married Guy (Matt): Guys are into strip clubs because it’s not only visual stimulation, but it also changes the dynamic of who’s pursuing whom. In any strip club you’ll see the fattest, baldest middle-aged guy there being approached by women, each one asking if he wants a lap dance, with him waving off busty 19-year-old after busty 19-year-old, not giving most of them the time of day. Sure, most guys like seeing naked women, plain and simple, but it’s the flipping of the power dynamic that creates the strip club “regular” — the guy who gets blown off the most out in the real world and gets off on turning girls down (as well as having a 19-year-old ass grinding his package when he eventually gives one of them the nod).

Do we believe that the strippers are enjoying themselves? I think it’s a suspension of disbelief while you’re on the premises. So no, most guys who are inside the strip club don’t care in that moment if the strippers are enjoying themselves, and don’t allow themselves to think about it too much, or they’d lose their erections and head for the door.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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16 Comments on "Wise Guys: Why Are Men Into Strip Clubs?"

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6 years 2 months ago

Ive had strippers grind me so hard and for so long that I hit a homerun. They even try to get me to hit a homerun. In fact im going to hit a homerun tonight. It doesnt count as sex because my thing isnt in her thing.

6 years 7 months ago

LOL! Yes, men are visual creatures…but so many of them use that as an excuse to desire sex more and desire other women more. It doesnt mean that. That is how we have been brought up to expect things to be. We are socialized into that way of thinking. Men being visual creatures means, they need to be attracted to the person they are with and get turned on by sexy sights. It doesnt mean they will always look or will always look sexually. I have had all of my 4 boyfriends dislike the strippers. Absolutely hated them. Didnt find many of them attractive and just weren’t interested. On the other hand, I liked them (female strippers that is) and they wouldnt go along with me (Well one did). But, the others said even if the girl was hot they just didnt get turned on or enjoy it. That wasnt their idea of sexy. Also, 3 of them didnt want sex unless they felt loved (sounds very female doesnt it). The ‘men are visual creatures’ is taken too far these days. Women may also get turned on by sexy sights. I have no problem with porn or strippers. Its about the sight of sexy acts and naked bodies and thats fine. Male strippers in my opinion are VERY sexy! . Yes they are hot and attractive.I find strip clubs liberating and briefly dabbled in that line of work myself, however I didnt find it was a job I could live. I wouldnt want my partner to be happy with me performing for other men. Nannigans- I think you hit the nail on the head- men get away with much more for sure! AND they are allowed to go to strip clubs and they are allowed to point out women they would like to sleep with because its their prerogative due to their biology…Women that do that however to their boyfriends are sluts, or inconsiderate! The ‘biological differences’ of men and women have been taken to far. Why else do so many marriages break up these days? People have forgotten what it means to respect your partner. Too many men are allowed to get away with saying ‘i love you for who u are but damn that woman is hot and i would love to sleep with her’- because they are ‘visual’ lol. People that use this expression in such loose terms just dont have any class or maturity (sure, if thats how they work then thats fine! i have no probs! but dont put it down to your ‘male biological makeup’ and dont generalise it to the whole population, or even the majority!) If it meant so little- why do men get so defensive when their women do and say those things back to them ;o) To me, if it meant nothing, then men would be perfectly fine with it. BUT women are supposed to deal with these ‘biological’ differences and men dont have that expectation, they can say and do as they please. its their prerogative remember ;o)
AND by saying that these male strippers are unnattractive. When not experiencing it first hand (and only going off wat other FEMALES tell you) and saying that women wouldnt like their cocks rubbed all over them is a tiny bit presumptuous in my opinion and im sensing a bit of insecurity ;o) maybe these women tell you its ‘cheesy’ to spare your feelings which are probably quite obvious to them, and also to avoid being judges as a slut ;o)

6 years 7 months ago

I noticed that this is not the first time you mention this topic. Why have you decided to write about it again?

6 years 8 months ago

OR is it that guys can get away with so much more in this case. If women acted like men in female strip clubs we would probably all be labeled whores or sluts who haven’t gotten any in a while…?

6 years 8 months ago

^Your explanation is very good, Matt. It would be a better world out there for sex craved women like me if there was more male nakedness. :)