Wise Guys: Why Are Men Into Strip Clubs?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why are some guys so into strip clubs? Do most guys buy into the fantasy that the stripper is actually enjoying herself — or don’t they care?

Straight Single Guy (Colin): Lots of guys aren’t into strip clubs. Probably more are kind of weirded out by them than you might think. For the ones who do enjoy an outing to the nearest nudie bar, it’s usually about the visual overload of the body parts we fantasize about all day long. Finally we can be praised for overtly staring at a woman’s breasts. We might imagine what women around us look like naked and a strip club is an opportunity to live the dream. It’s fun to pretend the stripper is enjoying herself, and some are at some times, but in the end it’s just pretending and most of us probably know — like a twelve your old who still plays into his parents leaving milk and cookies out for Santa Claus.

Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): I’m not sure I’m really in a position to answer this, because I’ve worked as a stripper, and I kind of loved it. This is one way in which it’s much easier to be a gay man than a straight man:  you don’t have to worry that you’re objectifying female sex workers.

That said: I think the fantasy that the stripper is enjoying herself is exactly what makes strip clubs so exciting.  Your average Joe is not the kind of guy at whom a gorgeous, scantily clad woman is likely to hurl herself. He’s just not attractive enough, or manly enough, or sexy enough, or powerful enough, or whatever enough. But the moment he walks into a strip club, gorgeous, scantily clad women start hurling themselves at him — a thing that couldn’t happen unless he were incredibly attractive, manly, sexy, powerful, and whatever. In a way the excitement isn’t about the woman in front of him at all; it’s about how she allows him to see himself.

Stripping has its own psychological rewards, by the way, at least for men who do it; these too come from how it allows the stripper to see himself. I have to imagine that stripping offers at least some of the same rewards to women who do it.

Straight Married Guy (Matt): Guys are into strip clubs because it’s not only visual stimulation, but it also changes the dynamic of who’s pursuing whom. In any strip club you’ll see the fattest, baldest middle-aged guy there being approached by women, each one asking if he wants a lap dance, with him waving off busty 19-year-old after busty 19-year-old, not giving most of them the time of day. Sure, most guys like seeing naked women, plain and simple, but it’s the flipping of the power dynamic that creates the strip club “regular” — the guy who gets blown off the most out in the real world and gets off on turning girls down (as well as having a 19-year-old ass grinding his package when he eventually gives one of them the nod).

Do we believe that the strippers are enjoying themselves? I think it’s a suspension of disbelief while you’re on the premises. So no, most guys who are inside the strip club don’t care in that moment if the strippers are enjoying themselves, and don’t allow themselves to think about it too much, or they’d lose their erections and head for the door.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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16 Comments on "Wise Guys: Why Are Men Into Strip Clubs?"

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Ive had strippers grind me so hard and for so long that I hit a homerun. They even try to get me to hit a homerun. In fact im going to hit a homerun tonight. It doesnt count as sex because my thing isnt in her thing.

LOL! Yes, men are visual creatures…but so many of them use that as an excuse to desire sex more and desire other women more. It doesnt mean that. That is how we have been brought up to expect things to be. We are socialized into that way of thinking. Men being visual creatures means, they need to be attracted to the person they are with and get turned on by sexy sights. It doesnt mean they will always look or will always look sexually. I have had all of my 4 boyfriends dislike the strippers. Absolutely hated them. Didnt find… Read more »
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I noticed that this is not the first time you mention this topic. Why have you decided to write about it again?


OR is it that guys can get away with so much more in this case. If women acted like men in female strip clubs we would probably all be labeled whores or sluts who haven’t gotten any in a while…?


^Your explanation is very good, Matt. It would be a better world out there for sex craved women like me if there was more male nakedness. 🙂

I’m only going on what I’ve heard, Rei. If there *are* less cheesy options out there, by all means, go support them. But I don’t buy for a second that the reason that there are far more strip clubs for straight men than straight women is that The Man is keeping you down. It’s lower demand, plain and simple–just like the XXX mags in the racks–all boobs, very few packages. Oh, and most of the ones that do features packages? They’re bought by gay guys. Guys are more visual, period. That doesn’t mean that girls don’t like to look–or that… Read more »

Matt, no I do not agree. Cheesy men in thongs? What clubs are you going into? The clubs I’ve gone into have the hottest guys and they do a great job pleasing the women. Nobody likes to admit, but its still a man’s world out there, very unequal. Some women still do not get paid as much as men in the same job. If women had it their way, we’d have 3 male strip clubs in every city. WE need to have our fun too, Matt.