3/10/09
Wise Guys: Why Didn’t He Call When He Said He Would?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why didn’t he call when he said he would?

Straight Married Guy (Matt): There’s a simple answer to this one: it doesn’t matter. Most women I know get very worked up over this, and it never helps anything. It could be one of ten thousand possible reasons, and there is no chance that sitting and discussing it with your friends ad infinitum or stressing about it is going to help anything. It might just be some reason that has nothing to do with you (family problem, work problem, some other unrelated problem), or hey, maybe he likes you and he scared off the last woman he liked, so he’s forcing himself to pull back a little — or maybe your worst fear is true, and he isn’t actually into you. You won’t figure any of this out by sitting there and worrying about it or analyzing every tidbit of your last conversation or email exchange looking for clues, so what’s the point? My advice is to do everything possible not to obsess over the guy’s delay in calling. Distract yourself with whatever you can, even a date or flirtation with someone else if that’s what it takes. And if he never calls back, fuck him. At least you can feel good about not having wasted all that time sitting by your phone.

Straight Single Guy (Colin): Let’s be optimistic for a moment. Maybe he was debating how long he should wait to call so that he wouldn’t seem desperate. But now he’s waited too long and feels silly calling so long after the fact. Okay now let’s be realistic. Most likely this guy fell into the trap we all do sometimes, saying what we think we should say instead of what we actually think. Maybe the sparks weren’t there and he didn’t have the heart to tell you. Try to get in touch with him if you can. But if he’s still flakey, give him a quick kick to the curb and move on.

Gay Committed Guy (Terence): While tempted to say, “He’s just not that…” I think not calling is more likely because the alcohol has worn off and/or another woman is already on the side. When a guy wants to get laid, and let’s face it, if he’s asking for your number, then he’s that kind of into you, the first question running through his head after getting your number is why didn’t we just go home then? Calling sets up a whole ‘nother time-consuming process that sometimes just doesn’t seem worth it. Personally, I think not calling takes real balls — not the good ones. Either you’re an over-confident prick, or you’ve got a girlfriend. You’re over-confident thinking you can get someone better (easier), or you know you may get a little somethin’ started and then have to emergency bail out of the situation. Solution: always, always take his number even though it’s just as shitty to wait around for him to return your calls.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week they’re all a little shy.

68 Comments

  1. Lmao I was raised with a dial phone no cell phone existed yet omg to get wound up because he don’t call right away lol… a panting female dog in heat are you? Lol give him space and if he don’t call then GOOD RIDDANCE i hate it when people are impatient

  2. I agree wth all the girls comments here. Guys dont blame us cuz you totally suck! If im not interested in a guy I never play games or give out my number..I just tell them sorry I just got out of a relationship and not into dating..to which most guys respond annoyed “then why are u doing here (club, lounge, etc)?!” Excuse me Whats that supposed to mean. Obviously guys dont like honest women and just want to play stupid mind games so they deserve to get blown off. As for women I dont get offended if the guy says he’s not interested but I get offended if he says I’ll call u tmr to make plans then disappears for a week. Grow up and act like a man!

  3. Hey Phonecall,
    And why do women I meet at the bank or supermarket give me their number and then they don’t answer???
    I can’t tell ya how many times this has happened to me. If the woman isn’t interested, why doesn’t she just say so and not give me her number??
    You women are hypocrites, guilty of the exact same things you accuse men of. It’s worse to be a hypocrite in my book. I stopped paying attention to the whining from women years ago because they do the same things they complain about. Hypocrites.

  4. ^ Phonecall’s comment got me thinking about the nature of phone numbers.

    Years ago I had a brief and successful foray into the study of pickup. During that time I cracked the phone number code, and learned something that has vexed men since the telephone was invented: women will actually reject you by giving you a phone number.

    I learned that any woman who talks to you for five minutes will give you her number. I also learned that this is no indication at all of her desire to meet with you. Just because she gave you her number, doesn’t mean she’ll ever pick up when you call, or return your calls, or accept an invitation. Yep. Women will give you their numbers just to get rid of you. They’ll almost never come out and say, “thanks but no thanks.” Confusing, huh?

    By the time a guy has been through this, oh, thirty times, he starts doing the same thing as Phonecall: making negative, genital-based generalizations about the nature of feminity. What the fuck is with women? Have they no integrity, no honesty, no respect for the time or feelings of a genuine guy?

    I, for one, was sick of thinking that way. I wanted to be one of the guys who had it easy with women. I attacked the problem empirically and analytically.

    The first thing I did was learn the pattern. A phone number does not equal an indicator of interest. You should therefore look for signs of interest elsewhere. It’s in her body language, in her physical proximity, in the way she looks at you, in her voice. Bam. Success. Once I learned how to read when a woman was REALLY attracted, this problem cleared right up. I rarely got rejected anymore because I only spent energy on women who liked me back. No more phone flakes.

    The second thing that happened was, I developed empathy for the female experience. Most women out there have dealt with major clingers. I’d even say that most women have dealt with a psycho or two – the kind of guy who becomes scary or insulting when rejected or otherwise butthurt. There’s a reason women take the path of least resistance when rejecting men. It’s self-preservation.

    So, to bring this all full circle, back to Phonecall’s comment… the reason women HATE getting blown off is because they invented that trick. They’re all too aware of EXACTLY why a guy hasn’t called. And it hurts, naturally! Easier to lob insults at him – ball-less lout! not a real man! – than to admit to oneself, “shit, he doesn’t desire me, and he’s taking the easy way out, exactly as I’ve done repeatedly.”

  5. ^ Flaking on someone and dashing their expectations is something both genders do, although if you counted, I would bet money that women do it with many times the frequency that men do.

  6. The problem is not them NOT calling, the problem is them saying they will call and NOT calling. Pretty simple. I hate when men do this, and they do this far too often. Fuck them. They have no respect and no balls.

  7. ^ Men and women are equally complicated creatures, but if you want a “real man,” then yes, playing the reciprocal of that role, i.e. a “real lady,” is your best bet.

    But maybe you don’t really want an equal partner, although we’ve all been trained to say that we do. Plenty of people are comfortable in a leader’s role, and plenty of people are content to follow. A leader and a follower make an ideal couple, as un-PC as that sounds (I, personally, am completely comfortable with that). Two leaders are a terrible combo. Like Oscar says in The Office, “what ship has two captains? What kitchen has two chefs? What country has two presidents?” And two followers get nothing done.

    Gender comes into play as a problem when the woman is a leader type. Not because men have a problem with that – heavens no. TONS of men are comfortable under the direction of a leaderly woman, who dictates their every move just like their moms used to. The problem is that leaderly women don’t respect follower men.

    So typically one of two things will happen. Either the female leaders seek out male leaders, but things fail because neither can ever defer to the other; or the female leader will guide a male follower into a relationship, but will eventually get frustrated with his big baby ass and dump him.

    Male leaders, on the other hand, are perfectly comfortable with female followers. Male followers are also comfortable with female leaders. So that’s easy.

  8. If i’m not interested he’s going to try harder and send texts ect. If I’m interested he walks away…Men said women are complicated. LOL! I am pretty good looking plus I’m not brainless and I don’t take that as something that makes me better than other people. Where are some real men that are looking for an equal partner?? Or I just didn’t meet the right one yet? Or are men looking for a submissive woman and I’m living in a complete illusion?

  9. Men, if you start the ball rolling by saying you’re going to call, then why not just do it?! Or please- don’t start the ball rolling, thinking that it’s what we want to hear. It isn’t, and you only look and sound worse when you don’t follow through. There is nothing more attractive than a man who does what he says he’s going to do- And nothing less attractive than a man who does not.

  10. ^Oh please, with the “I’m alone because I’m TOO pretty.”

    Doesn’t work like that. That’s not the reason you’re alone. It never is. You’re just taking comfort in grandiose ego trips.

  11. I totally agree with Tired of Men. I’m in the same boat. I’m NOT trying to toot my own horn, but I too am definitely above average beautiful, inside and out and do not chase guys either. I’m told by men and women that men are intimated by me -my beauty, charm, etc. I will not go after guys but this one guy hasn’t called and so I’ve pulled back. If he’s gonna show me he’s not that into me by not calling when he says he will, then fine, I’m not gonna waste my energy on him. no, sir.

  12. Unfortunately, this behavior has become an epidemic. Stick to your guns tired of men, if you hold out for the best you will get it.

  13. Since I have been single for the past 4 years, the men will approach me, I may or may not show interest. If I decide to give him my # the men will call once or so then say they will call but don’t. They sit back and wait for me to call them. I have been told after not calling them for months, ” I haven’t heard from you.” My response, the last time I checked you have my #. These men her in Charlotte, NC act like they are a king on a thrown. I have news for them, I never chase after a man. I am way too beautiful and I do mean beautiful inside and out to chase a man! I’m not agressive at all. If you don’t show interest in me like you did to get my # then I will back off. I’m really tired of men stupid childlike games. I can be by myself and be okay with it. My friend once told me men are intemidated by me because I a pretty and smart and won’t be controlled.

    Sincerely,
    Tired of men (black men especially).

  14. @ Johnny..I admit that women love to talk to their guys on the phone. but my question is if you don’t like talking on the phone or its not your obligation to, why tell her that your gonna call every time and then don’t? JUST DON’T TELL HER YOUR GONNA CALL BECAUSE YOU ONLY DISAPPOINT HER WHEN YOU GIVE HER EXPECTATION

  15. Some guys – especially guys who don’t like the phone – just resent the expectation. We don’t feel we should have to check in like that.

    To us that feels like, “ok, here’s my obligatory phone call. The one you made me promise to make. Not that I have anything to say.”

    Women hate this because they want us to want to call. They wish we’d WANT to pick up the phone and gush about our day and how much we miss each other, just like they might with one of their girl friends.

    But I, for one, am just not like that. I too get irate when beholden to call-appointments. I’ll call when I’m feeling it. Or, if you want to talk, you could, you know… call me. Instead of tearfully enforcing demands that I call you.

  16. I met a guy. Were in our teens. He’s foreign. I like him a lot. BefOre he left for his far away home, he asked for my email and full name. I gave it. The next 3 days he mailed. He said he was sO excited to mail me. He would of done it sooner but he couldnt check his mail for time dif. He was sleeping for 3 days. So we mailed a lot everyday. He was really sweet. Then 2 weeks ago he suddenly stopped mailing me. It was so sudden. I saw him online on skype but he didn’t talk to me. I finally said hi what’s up and he went offline. Then I went invisible then he came back online 5 mins later then I went back online 5 mins later then nothing happend. If he was online why didn’t he check his email. 2 weeks no reply? He told me he wanted to skype with me and he thinks I’m pretty and I need to make a Facebook in previous emails. Now it’s all so sudden.
    PLEASE, I really need help on this one. I’m so confused and I really like him.

  17. I am PISSED. Da guy said he will call everytym we pass by in uni campus (we pass by every couple of weeks). Somehw we hit it off wen we wer both in dis uni society thing, n i guess i played a little hard to get, but he backed off immediately, so it seemed.

    Now he says he wud call but never does. Its been a couple of months nw, somehw even thou ppl tell me 2 move on i still feel hurt at him. I am so pissed i wiss i cud pour it out 2 him, but dat of course wud make me look stupid and needy. He is by da way a quite shy guy, good looking, smart, but slightly bashful. Otherwise very social. Wat cud be da reason 4 him not callin bak? I wish i knew 🙁

  18. Mikey,

    Well, it did seem a little angry and bitter, but hey, I would rather know the truth of someone’s behavior than just keep kidding myself. You are right, I believe he is a Narcisist and I have been unhappy in this relationship for a long time. He just isn’t good enough and I deserve better. Sometimes, we need to hear the horrible truth about someone from someone else that has an objective viewpoint to cement it in our heads. I am ready to move on from this situation and kick his ass to the curb! Thanks for your honesty, Mikey!

  19. Wow – I totally came off angry and bitter up there. sorry about that. Im just guessing and really, what do I know? Why dont you just go “old skool” on him and withold sex and BJ’s for at least a good month, maybe flirt with some of his friends or coworkers to get some good old fashioned revenge/rules of engagement established? Works every time.

  20. uh, news flash…He’s not that into you. Or this “relationship” for that matter. He is probably only into him, what he wants, needs, feels like, etc. Hmmmmmmm? He was out there in Vegas “doing him” or “doing his thing” as they say. He slept with someone, and if he somehow didnt actually sleep with someone, he damn sure tried his little butt off to do so and just couldnt close the deal. When he doesnt call from Vegas, IT IS ALWAYS A BAD SIGN. When he gets irrate with you for wanting to talk about it what he is actually telling you is – “hey, back-off…I did’nt call because I dont really have to. You wont leave me. I know it, you know it, and your mom/girlfriends know it. You dont command that kind of respect from me, and Im going to just go ahead and conveniently use this opportunity to set myself up to do the same thing again next time – thanks”. I know your mind will resist this explanation and your heart wont want to believe it. But down the road, when his future behavior validates every aspect of what I am saying and he eventually leaves you, try to look at it as a gift of freedom and ‘singlehood’ rather than a ‘breakup’. He’s a Narcisist and relationships with narcisists always suck 🙁

  21. I have boyfriend who went on a business trip to Vegas two days ago. He said he would call while he was there. I haven’t heard from him at all. He has had a bad habit of not calling when he says he will or not calling at all. I questioned him about this behavior 4 days ago and he became irate and said the not calling and not calling when he says he will meant nothing. I tried to explain to him how this hurts me and still was told that he would not always call me when he says he will and that sometimes he might not call at all and made me feel as though there was something wrong with me wanting this. What the hell is going on with him?

  22. I’m with Terence on this one. I met a guy in a bar four days ago and he asked for my number, and after talking a while, he kissed me and asked me to go to his house for coffee. I said no, but I’d love for him to call me (which he promised to do), and I went home.
    He hasn’t called me, and I don’t have his number. I’m starting to think he only wanted a one night stand, and he only asked for my number so I’d think he liked me, making it easier to get me into bed that night.
    Unfortunately for him, I’m not that kind of girl. It’s a shame though, he seemed lovely.
    What I’m most irritated at though, is that it’s made me second guess myself all weekend. Am I not pretty/thin/smart enough?
    Stupid way to think, really. I’m an intelligent, attractive 25 year old woman. I’m kind of ashamed I let some man make me check my phone every 10 minutes, and feel bad about myself for days.
    *slaps own wrist*

  23. I did an experiment, this isn’t just Guys , its People in general. I got fed up of calling people and inviting them , so I decided three strikes and your out of the game´. I stopped calling , and now 3 years nearly i still haven’t had a call back.

  24. I think i’m having a panic attack too lol
    I went on a date with a guy. He was completely cool. Wasn’t sleazy, didn’t let me pay for anything, looked at my eyes when talking and not my “assets” and was nice.
    After that he told me he would txt me (which he did). Then said he would call the next day and didn’t. Apologised for it and said he would call the next day after, and once again didn’t. Didn’t hear from him at all that day. He txt me today and said he’ll call tomorrow. I don’t believe him and honestly don’t know how to act. If i should just say, “listen, i’m not up for games.” or play it cool and be like, “sure you will.” or ignore his txt…he said he wants to see me thurs but i don’t trust his words now! I liked the guy on the date so i don’t wsnt to say anything too drastic but man it is a pain in the ass!!!!!!!!

  25. hey!!
    i think i’m having a panic attack too… i met this guy i really liked on saturday, i will never forget the way his eyes were shining the moment he saw me, we talked the whole night and it was amazing! My very best friend (btw he is a really cool guy who has a lot of experience dating women) said he never have seen two people who had just met act like that before and being so comfortable and happy with each other and that he could tell that this guy was really in to me. He asked me to go to the movies and i said we could go on Friday, but later that night, exactly one hour after we said goodbye, he called me and said that he tought that waiting till friday would be a long wait, that he wanted to see me sooner. So then i told him it could be on Thursday, and he laughed and sounded very happy, so he said he would call me on monday night to confirm… and he did not call!! I am so sad.. i mean, i really like him, why should i do? I know for a fact that he does not have a girlfriend. Could anyone help please? btw, sorry for my bad english, it is not my native language 🙂

  26. Elle… you sound like you’re having a panic attack. Settle down, ok?

    He texted you on Saturday after you left and said he wanted to do it again sometime. And you’re taking that as a BAD sign? From that you get, “men suck, he’s playing games, I might have to quit my job”?

    You’re getting hysterical. That’s EXACTLY one of the things that drives cool guys away. If you act crazy like this after spending one night at his house, I’m afraid it’s HIM who made the mistake, not you. You want him to be happy about what went down… not kicking himself in the ass for shitting where he eats.

  27. I love the advice in this column, especially the encouragement to distract yourself and focus on your positives rather than what you might have done wrong to cause him not to call.

    I’ve really been into this guy I work with for several months – really into him. He finally asked me to go for drinks after work last Friday. I had a great time, I didn’t want the night to end. We ended up staying together for the night. Saturday, nothing. I got one text shortly after we parted saying we’d do that again soon, but nothing else for the whole day. I’m discouraged, humiliated, hating myself for liking someone at all for the first time in years. Men suck. Why the games? It’s not easy braving the reality of who you are and not being fake about it. It’s much easier to put on airs in order to protect yourself from douchebags. What am I supposed to do now? I can’t quit my job. I’m just going to have to live with it and pretend I’m not hurt? I hate following my heart – it just can’t be trusted. You guys have stupid rules about women. Well, the jokes on you because we’re pretty freaking awesome and deserve the benefit of a doubt rather than letting you all play with our self esteem.

  28. well i dnt kno about that this guy is my boyfriend and he told me when he comes from his cousins that he was going to call but he didnt an still not anwering his phone so what do i do?

  29. Hi There,
    I met a guy and went out to couple of dates with him. It seemed to be going slow and nice. on the last date He told me his father has been sick… after that we could not meet since he told me his dad was in the hospital. I was worried and text him if he was ok, and how his dad was. he replied that he is better now and he’ll be able to chat once hi stabylizez more… since that I haven’t heard from him for 2 weeks. I am not going to call since we are not even in a relationship yet and i understand he needs time. on the other hand some friends of mine told me he might be pretending on that and he made it all up… I am kind of confuesed, I f i would know he is not really interested I’ll be just fine, but not knowing what exactly is going on makes me think about it. Do you guys have sone advice??

  30. I had a thing for this guy that I met over a year ago but I never brought it to his attention and I just let it go. A few weeks ago, he messaged me on facebook and we flirted back and forth and he initiated the exchange of phone numbers and suggested that I let him know the next time I go out so we could meet up. After a few days I ended up texting him and he texted back. I did this again three more times and the final time I suggested we hang out some time soon and said cool whenever his schedule clears up. This was over a week ago….what is the deal? He never calls and he only responds to my texts. I’m not sure what to do or how to take this….

  31. Summer, sounds bit like my guy, I wasted 7 years with him thinking we will get married, he left, I am almost 40 years old, now I have no one, I do want a baby my time is running out, my advise to you is you must know what you want your relationship is still fresh, but my advise to you is ask him flat out what he wants from the relationship, if both of you are on the same page and he likes you as much as you like him, I think there is something, but if you (feel) know your being played and you don’t want that, then move on you are better then that (your to good for him) find someone who will appreciate you and feel the same way about you as you do about them, GOOD LUCK, only you know what is right for you.

  32. I was dating my boyfriend for 7 years, we went ring shopping, picked out a ring, he took it on payments, I never got the ring, last year around christmas time we got into a big argument he left, haven’t seen him since, but he always called time to time, its been 3 weeks now that he hasn’t called, which is unusual, I cried a lot, but realized now that I must forget about him and move on, I don’t understand why he did that to me, hurt me so much, when we where together he always said he wants to marry me and have a family, WHY?

  33. The guys will probably know the answer to this, but if it were me, and I really liked him (in the short time you spent together) then I suppose it couldn’t hurt to say, “I’m going to X bar on X night with some friends, maybe I’ll see you there?”

  34. ok, so I’m SO confused. I met this guy last Friday. We were chatting at a bar and then we separated into the groups we came with. Before he left he came to find me and asked me if I wanted to go for a drink sometime, so I gave him my number. He then texted me the following afternoon saying ‘really nice chatting to you. Fancy a glass of wine next week?xx’ It also had a bit of a joke in it about something we’d been chatting about so it had a personal feel about it. I was in a bit of a rush so replied that evening saying ‘Nice chatting to you too. I had a fun night. Sure, drink sounds good.x’ It’s now nearly Friday and not a whisper from him…. is this normal? I just don’t get it…Does anyone know why he wouldn’t get back in touch?

  35. met a guy w/friends at a bar..hung out all night…def. attraction/number exchange..askd for 2nd date…called the next day 3x. called 4 days later…said he’d call over the weekend…never did. waited 1 week, left message to have a good weekend..he called right back telling me he didn’t call during the week b/c he though i had company. says he’ll call “tomorrow” never did…thought? has a gf? (even though said does not)…so why keep calling me back??

  36. Hi, met up with a guy recently,we spent all night cahtting about old times. i wasn’t keen on hooking up with himn as been single and celebate through choice for two years but as the drinks got flowing he invited me backfor a ‘catch up’ didn’t mean for it to lead to more but he seduced me, said he’d liked me for ages and i thought, well maybe. he text me twice the following day saying what a great night he’d had. I couldn’t reply for 2 days but hasn’t replied to my text, anyone know why? ???

  37. James, are you saying that there is only a 10 percent chance that you may find the woman you want to be with because she didn’t a. reject you or b. is unavailable ? In my world there is one guy and a bunch of his friends. The difference is how he treats me compared to those others. If there is a group of guys I am going to seek out the one that is showing me more attention, but if there is a dance and he bums out I reflect that to him whether or not he still has interest… He has got to keep up with the movements wether or not he is enjoying himself.

  38. Dri.

    It is not an easy thing. I hear this complaint from women saying men do not call back.
    My experience has been one in which I have been the guy calling back, but most of the time ( again, my experience ) is that if a guy calls back, the woman moves on. It is as if women go after the difficult men that do not call back, are arrogant and date several women at once.
    So it seems the average situation appear5s to be that a guy calling the next day is needy. So most guys are leery about calling a girl the next day. It is like a switch that turns on in the girl’s head….she thinks about this guy, but as soon as he calls, she stops thinking about him and starts thinking about those that did not.
    Problem is, what happens when a girl that does not think like this average is the woman at issue? Both suffer. The guy might be losing a wonderfull opportunity with a great gal because he is making the assumptions early and w/o any grounds. He is mistaken in his belief that she would not welcome a call so soon.
    Guys get rejected and even worse, ignored more often than not. In your post, you have learnt what guys go through 9 out of 10 times, rejection. Perhaps this will allow you to understand why guys do not call as often as you would like.

  39. 2 guys i gave my # to after they asked for it said they would call at a certain time and did not.

    with the first one, he said he would call on a specific day to hang out. he didn’t. i don’t play games and i am an honest person and i didn’t want to make assumptions so i called him the next day and said “oh, i think you forgot to call me yesterday” he said “oh yeah i just got really messed up”. so i am done with him. guys need to realize it is really easy for girls to get a new guy and you being too drunk to call is not cute.

    now the second guy was supposed to call me yesterday. i am not even going to call him on it. done!

    if you are not going to call- you better be like really smokin hot or really awesomely perfect in every other way. otherwise, it is just not worth our time. i will be single before i am going to be treated like a needy ho!

  40. james said: “If a woman is not the kind that does not want her BF to take his time because he might think that she is going to take him for a clingy guy, then she should take the innitiative and call him, so he gets the message that it is OK to call.”

    This helps me a lot. Thank you. 🙂

  41. Hi.
    I think we guys take our time to call a girl we meet because experience tells us ( at least my experience ) that if call the very next day we risk appearing clingy.
    Women are beautiful and challenging. What works with one might not work with the other one, so there are no generalities at all, but there is a average way in which women react. A guy that calls , not only that but a guy that calls on schedule risks becoming stale to this woman.
    If a woman is not the kind that does not want her BF to take his time because he might think that she is going to take him for a clingy guy, then she should take the innitiative and call him, so he gets the message that it is OK to call.

  42. OH and must I say THANKYOU for the advice sexy girls like me around the world are appreciating it.There nothing worse sometimes than trying to figure out why men act the way they do.

  43. I loved the married mans advice Im so sick of playing mind games with my most recent attraction.T he one Im seeing plays more mind games then I have ever experienced in my life. I thought that was mainly expected from woman. I am beginning to realize this Hottie deserves a good kick to the curb.!!!!!:) cuz this girl is worth working for.

  44. Shane, sorry, I don’t care you’re married for five years now, you’re an idiot, and she’s way more than you deserve. You are EXACTLY what’s wrong with guys. Chicks prefer MORE info, rather than less. All you had to do back then was let her know what was going on with you — and sure Thanksgiving could have been a simple given not to catch up because you’d just met, and no one should expect to be spending that time, but for you to have not just called and let her know your world went beserk. Sorry, you lose points on this. You left her wondering with NO word for weeks. You’d better be grateful she married you, and I hope the diamond was at least a karat.

  45. Who cares; don’t sit at the phone. It’s not a marriage proposal or something. You don’t want a flake anyway. WAY better to know ahead of time than it is down the road, after dating for a while that he has committment/responsibility hangups.
    Life goes on….LIVE IT!

  46. I have been seeing this guy for almost two months now and we spend almost every weekend together sence we meet.he was the first one asking me out and asking for my number i was fine with just be ( one night stand).but he will pick me up on his last day of work for the week and i will spend the night .. the day he picks me up is pretty good we talk we laugh and he tells me he likes me he tells me hes into me and he even wanted me to meet his mother and father and talks about meeting his family and he brought up meeting mine but the next morning hes different with me we don’t talk we don’t touch and the only kiss i get the next day is when he takes me home (the goodbye kiss) there was even one night we didnt have sex or kiss or anything … then he will tell me he will call me before he goes to bed or before he goes out or something and i don’t hear from him in till i call or text him.. i know im being played but im hoping im not and im just over thinking it.. what should i do????? i really like this guy but i don’t know what i should do.. can anyone help????/

  47. i know i have actually found myself waiting by the phone waiting for him to call…but i also know when a guy has given me his number i’ve waited a day or two before calling..lol!! although since i take the city bus..i hung out with this guy and before i left he gave me his # without me asking for it, and told me to call when i got home, so he knew i was alright. should this mean anything? i don’t know:D

  48. HI! I started to date a really nice guy who I thought might even be the one. He would tell me how much he loved me and said the day I tell him I love him in return he was going to marry me. Bottom line…he made me feel wonderful. I don’t know what happen after that. We seem to be getting to know each other better. Next thing I know he plans a trip to Mexico with friends as he is driving to Mexico he calls me and says he will call me when he returns from he’s trip in 3 days and I have not heard from him in over a week. What bothers me is that was the 3rd time he had said he would call be back and never did. I feel it is rude and thoughtless when a man does that I would rither a man tell me he is not intersted than make me wonder….what if?

  49. jill-not a good sign–he is rude and needs a taste of his own medicine but the question is will you be the one to give his medicine back??

  50. Ok what about when your boyfriend says he is going to call and he does not call? That bugs the hell out of me, he knows it too. It is not an all the time thing, but enough to piss me off. He always has an excuse fell asleep, didnt feel good… Makes me suspicious. Am I just being paranoid?

  51. If I say I call, I will call. It’s the decent thing. If someone say he’ll call and doesn’t he either have a very good excuse and never do it again. Or just get lost man. You’re not worth the worries.

  52. well, there are some general traits of each sex–and there are things you can do to turn off men and visa-versa but everyone is different. you know,some men dont call in the typical way and some women do call.
    if it isnt meant to be it isnt meant to be anything more than a learning experience. heartache is a great teacher. there is no way you can can make every date work out in the way you want it to.

  53. I know, funki. Guys, they always singing that song. And my suggestion is just stop calling him and let see he gonna call you or not if not that means he doesn’t miss or care about you then i think it’s time for you to think of letting him go. Just don’t waste your time on a person who never had a heart on you.

  54. Im really havin this problem with my boyfriend. He never calls when he promises he will. I do the calling and I’m really tired of all this and he is always singing he luvs me. I don’t even know what to do.

  55. imet some 1 i liked afew months back.we started off very well with

    out knowingthat he was married.he promised to call at night to

    wish me agoodnite…he did not call but i did.quess who replied?his

    loving wife asking me y am calling his dear husband late at nite.

    my point is luck of honesty.

  56. My opinion on this one don’t give out your number, because their are way to many excuses and then some, just to have your number in their cell, or whatever… always say one thing and do another… wont get my cell number…and then some… I a guy cant be straight up , then dont bother wasting my time or your time…there are plenty of fish in the sea as we all know…. F…the booty call…..

  57. Seven years ago, i met a woman at a friend’s party. When we met, everyone else seemed to disappear. We stood in the kitchen for hours talking to each other oblivious to everyone else at the part.

    I didn’t get her phone number that day – and i didn’t even know her last name. I also didn’t want to ask friends that threw the party for her number because i didn’t want to fuel a rumor mill. I did a little online research – i knew her occupation and the city she worked in. I came up with a possible email address and sent a message that if she were the woman at the party, i would like to see her again.

    She responded that she would like to see me again. We had a simple dinner at Olive Garden and talked. I drove her home and told her i would call her.

    The following week was Thanksgiving. A couple weeks went by and i hadn’t called her yet. I found out later that she was furious with me and wondered “why do guys say they’ll call…”

    Now from my side – It was Thanksgiving. I had a lot of family stuff planned for that week. But my Father died that weekend (he had been sick for a while). Reflecting on it, i decided that i shouldn’t call her. If i called her, I couldn’t very well not mention about my father. If i told her about my father’s death, that would put her and me in an uncomfortable position. We didn’t know each other that well. She wouldn’t know whether or not to come to the funeral (and meet the family, etc…). I wasn’t sure if i wanted her there yet. (I could see how she might think it would look bad if she came or if she didn’t) So i figured that it was easier on her and me if i just didn’t call for a while.

    I did call her a couple weeks later. Of course she understood my reasons (and felt guilty afterward for the things she thought about me during that time).

    That woman and i have been married for over 5 years now.

    My point is that you really don’t know the reasons. He may be a coward. He may have lost your number – and there may be many other reasons that you don’t understand.

  58. Why cant you just be honest. If you want a booty call say so. Be straight forward if your not going to call dont say you will. What is so god dam freaking hard about telling the truth and doing what you say. Women have issues?? Think NOT

  59. Perplexed I have a few gentlemen that I have been interested in recently and I have gone as far as to give my # and they keep saying they will call. One too busy the second has a girl and the third is only interested in one thing. Where have all the good guys gone….

  60. I never knew that men will really wait to call because they did not want to be too quick and have the woman thinking ahhhh yup he’s easy, men do play hard to get still today, the reason for my knowing this is that I was with my new boyfriend and his cusin when I heard them agreeing not to call this girl that his cusin had just met , that they said ya have to wait for a few days first. I remembered how my boyfried had did the same to me when we first started dateing so my friends yes guys do it because they can.

  61. I’m mostly with Matt on this. Barring the problems Matt cites, if s/he’s an adult s/he’ll call when s/he said so.

    And I would take Matt’s last few sentences about not obsessing/distracting yourself even further: do what works for and helps you value yourself more–including your time and your sexuality–so you can figure out what behavior in a potential “date” you prefer. If you don’t mind the not-calling-when-they-said-they-would, cool; if it’s a problem, cut them loose and move on. (I speak in ideals, cos I’m still working on dealing with this behavior from others, myself. Golden rule, people! Come on!)

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