Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why do guys seem to hate talking on the phone?
Gay Single Guy (Daniel): My suspicion is that it has to do with how most straight guys talk, or rather, don’t talk. Straight men seem to not indulge in gossip and tangential storytelling when it comes to conversing with others. The phone is much more utilitarian to them. It’s about communicating the necessary information: where to meet, when, where are you parked, what should he buy your parents, etc. For the most part, they aren’t interested in talking about the banalities of daily life on the phone, and certainly not their feelings — not surprising, if you consider how difficult it is for them to talk about them in person. But whatever the reasons, don’t take it personally if he doesn’t like talking on the phone with you. In all likelihood, he is probably the same with his mom. It isn’t necessarily reflective of how he feels about you. And look on the bright(er) side: if he doesn’t like the phone, then the other option is more face time!
Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): I’m not sure men hate talking on the phone. I practically lived on the phone as a teenager, for instance, talking endlessly with both male and female friends. And a very informal visual survey I made while thinking about the question turned up equal numbers of men and women passing by with cellphones to their ears. None of them looked like they were hating it. I’m going to wing it here, but it’s possible that in a world where men are supposed to make the first calls to ask women out — and might have more associations with being turned down — we might feel more self-conscious about saying “the wrong thing.” Even when you make it clear you want to hear from us.
Straight Single Guy (Mark): We don’t hate it, per se, but we’re practical. It’s an on-demand world, and pretty much everyone these days has the other technological conveniences of email and texting at their fingertips. Functionally, the phone has a strike against it already because it’s not asynchronous (sorry, there’s my inner nerd coming out) — we’re all running around in our busy lives, and you have to coordinate both people at the same time for a phone call (poor us, I know, but still). With an email or a text, each party can digest and respond at their convenience, not to mention a little pressure-free room to craft things exactly how you want them (and decrease the possibility saying something stupid). Admittedly, you lose some of the real-time reactions and such of a live conversation, but not much. I don’t mind the phone, but most of the time I’d just as soon keep it to not much more than making the plan to actually go do something together.
Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com; and our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University. To ask the guys your own question, click here.