1/29/09
Your Call: Can She Be Friends with Her Ex?

We feel just awful that we can’t answer every single advice question we get, but we figure that any answer is better than no answer at all. Which is why, once a week, we’ll let you guys decide how to advise a reader. Make your call by filling out the poll after the jump:

Dear Em & Lo,

I don’t know what’s healthy any more! My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago, I was upset but not heartbroken and since then I’ve been out with another guy a few times. Then recently, we got drunk and fell into bed. However, I kept my underwear on and we ended up talking like prudish grown-ups. We both admitted to liking one another but he says he is not ready for a relationship because he is a year out of a marriage and still grieving over that. He also told me he was having one-night stands occasionally. I told him I was 36, totally ready for a relationship and would like to have a family one day so I really didn’t want to muck around waiting for his head to get right. The upshot is that we decided to be friends but I have realized that I do like this guy. He is 34.

Here is the problem. Sure, it would be great to have some sex but my priority is to find love. Should I flag the friendship altogether because it will likely stop me from dating properly or continue to try the friends track in the vain hope that he will be “ready”‘ soon? Please help! I’m sick of my own tortured brain.

— Stuck in the Friend Zone



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17 Comments on "Your Call: Can She Be Friends with Her Ex?"

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Chelsea
Chelsea
4 years 8 months ago
I have been in exactly the same situation before and what I’m about to advise may sound harsh. If this man was really into you it wouldn’t matter that he was still heartbroken he would be ready to move on and he certainly wouldn’t be having one night stands. He has been a year out of a marriage not a week. Plenty of people move on within that time and usually because they met the right person. When someone falls in love it really doesn’t matter what is going on in their life. It sounds as though he is using… Read more »
jodie
jodie
7 years 7 months ago

there is no reason to hang on to something that you have no control over move on get over it

Eda says
Eda says
7 years 7 months ago

From my experience….it’s very difficult to be friends with an ex. They feel as if they own you and they can do whatever they want but you should stay faithful and truthful to them. In my opinion you should stay friends but from a distance. If you go anywhere with him make sure it’s public and keep the relationship on a friendship level….No Sex no matter what…………..The person I consider my friend is having a hard time because I’m celebrating celibacy. One minute he says he understands and next minute he begs me not to take away the sex…….go figure!!

Anna Banana
Anna Banana
7 years 7 months ago
Sorry to say you need to walk away from this one, especially if he is just fresh out of a divorce. I was in the same situation, dated a man only 1 year out of the divorce, we got along wonderful, everything was good but 14 months later, he still isn’t ready for a committed relationship and doesn’t trust his emotions, told me he didn’t want to stop me from finding happiness and I had to do what I had to do to find it. I listened and walked away. Listen to what he is telling you, even if it… Read more »
Maylin Torres
Maylin Torres
7 years 7 months ago

If u want to get back with the guy or he still feels something over u…y not??? this person once cared about u with all his hearth u never know there might be something there still…i tell u from experience if he still calls u, pick up…but if he doesn’t then move on…An ex doesn’t call for nothing…now if u dont want to be with him at all then just let him go…but be careful because men cant handle rejection…so it might make him call u even more…good luck!!!

andrea
andrea
7 years 7 months ago

just get out of it. if a guy really likes you, he will be ready for you and you only. it hurts, but you can do it. walk away with your head held up high kn owing that you are too good for that. you will find someone that will treat you the way you deserve. you will miss him for a while, and he will miss you. maybe he will regret it. hang tough. women are way stronger than men!! good luck.

Chawn
Chawn
7 years 7 months ago
Hello there, well i think from looking at this blog you probably have gotten your answer and made your decision on what to do but i just want to say i am currently in a situation like that and i started hanging out with this guy that would do things for me right when we first started hanging out yea know and acting sooo sweet and nice so what am i to figure about that wow he really likes me and is maybe willing to go further with this. Well not the case here. He ended up telling me he… Read more »
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