Your Call: He Doesn't Want Marriage or Kids. Should I Move On?

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We feel just awful that we can’t answer every single advice question we get, but we figure that any answer is better than no answer at all. Which is why, once a week, we’ll let you guys decide how to advise a reader. Make your call by filling out the poll after the jump:

Hi Em & Lo!
My question is, how do you know if and when it’s time to move on from a relationship you feel is going nowhere? By nowhere, I mean, he doesn’t want kids or marriage and he’s 50 years old. I’m 38 and although I don’t know if I want either, I still would at least like the OPTION of having both with someone I’m with BUT if he’s not thinking of having either in his future then I have no option at all if I stay with him. I know for some people this is a deal breaker but I’m not adamant that I want either right now so…what would you do? Oh, we’ve been together a year and a half. Thanks for your help and stay fabulous!
–Deal or No Deal

What should D.O.N.D. do? Make your call after the jump.

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16 Comments on "Your Call: He Doesn't Want Marriage or Kids. Should I Move On?"

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5 years 10 months ago

I am in a relationship with someone who is in there late 40’s I am 31. He has been married 2 times and has two children. I can understand why he does not want anymore children because of his age and the age that he would be when they would graduate. He also states he never wants to be married again. But I think it is because his past 2 marriages have not worked out. I think that with time all of that can change. And he has shown some interest in changing his mind, maybe one day. I will continue to enjoy the wonderful relationship we have. I have never been happier. And if that means living and being together without that little paper. Well I guess so be it.
I think when you go through a divorce and see how hard it can be on each other, dealing with kids, child support and splitting of marital assets, there are reasons of why someone can be so hesitant on making that kind of commitment to anyone again. Especially if they were the one taken for a ride. Just be supportive, loving and enjoy life, and don’t worry about the things that really don’t change how you feel about one another.

5 years 11 months ago

I am also in a similar situation now. I have known this guy for 4 years, and cheated on me before. I was the only gal who got to really know his family well and he once told his friends that I am of wife-material to him.

We broke up for about a year and he came back. He did not mention anything about getting back together but each time we hang out, we ended up cuddling and such. When i finally asked him again where this is leading to, as I always wanted to get married, he says he don’t see himself getting married. Which of course, many people starts telling me that what he meant is he did not see himself marrying ME!

So now here I am, alone again, though many of my friends says he will definitely look for me again when he gets bored out there. I am already 30 years old, I know I should not waste my time on him, but I just could not move on. Help!!!

6 years 16 days ago

i am kind of stuck in the same situation. i am 23 yrs old and he is 30, we have been dating for 5 years and recently got engaged. now when i mention the wedding, he doesnt want to talk about it, always tells me how much it costs etc, and he tells me not to talk about it! whats the point then? i know i am young but i gave everything to this guy, i love him dearly and want to get married, its every girls dream to wear a wedding dress. why do guys have to be like that? i mean he says we can have a wedding with only family, but thats not what i want at all, i want my friends there…what should i do?

6 years 18 days ago

I am going thru the same stuff. I’m 28 years old and my bf is 31. He told me recently he never wants to get married or have kids. I guess what everyone is saying is that he doesn’t want it with me…He comes from a great family with several siblings. We moved to a new state together and started a new exciting life together. Im just not getting any younger and my career is with children, so I have always wanted a family. Im so sad to think after all the money and energy and love for this relationship and now I have to move on?! Im devastated.

Black Iris
6 years 1 month ago

If a guy is 50 and he says he doesn’t want marriage and kids, I think that’s what he means. I also think he’s not going to change. Either he already has his kids or he’s just not cut out for that lifestyle.

So I guess you have to look in your own heart and ask yourself why you want to keep the option open? Are you secretly hoping to have kids but saying you don’t care because you are afraid you might never have them? Or are you just upset at the idea of shutting off a choice?