Your Call: Do His Fantasies Mean He’ll Cheat?

Dear Em & Lo,
I’m a 23-year-old woman who has been in a relationship with my partner for over a year and a half. The sex is good, but I recently found out my partner fantasizes about other women he has seen whilst he has been out with me, or out on his own. How long is it until a guy takes it that step further? How long is it before the fantasy becomes a reality and they are in bed with the fantasy? I have a nice face, a sexy figure, big boobs, a nice bum, curves in all the right places (and have been told so by many men). So why does my boyfriend choose to fantasize over other women? What do they have that I don’t? After all, I am apparently the stereotypical male fantasy! And why can’t men understand that by doing this and telling their girlfriends they make them feel inadequate? Should I be with this guy?! Is this normal? I’d love to hear back from both guys and girls!
— Shipwrecked on Fantasy Island

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21 Comments on "Your Call: Do His Fantasies Mean He’ll Cheat?"

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wut if its the same woman, and he has access to her , and they speak privately, and she has more status than me, should i be a lil concerned. i mean he only saves her messages and her sexy fotos, and has only has one foto of me, and im having his child in a couple weeks,, i feel weird confronting this matter, because i did already, if i keep bringing it up, i can seem like a nag. is it only a fantasy then or is it a mess waiting to erupt? am i being naive. i wish… Read more »
Madamoselle L
Hon, he’s a man, that’s what they DO. Hell, we’re women, it’s what WE do, (I’m surprised you don’t. You only, ONLY fantasize about him? I don’t get it.) A fantasy is just that. “Something that seems interesting when you are horny, that you probably don’t think about, or would even like to do, when in other circumstances.” OK, I made that up, but it fits. At least for me. Don’t worry, it isn’t a “sign” that he wants to cheat. Only that he has a healthy libido. If it bothers you, tell him NOT to share his fantasies with… Read more »
Broken Hearted, Personally, I would a bit concerned. Granted it is natural and ‘normal’ for men and women fantasize about other people. The surge of euphoric feelings we tend to get from a new sexual encounter is something many crave, but since they are in a relationship it’s not something they can seek out in reality, hence an active fantasy life. However, when the fantasy’s begin to be very personal to someone close the person’s life, that can be dangerous–sometimes. Your man may indeed be truly attracted to your bestfriend and would make a move if you were not in… Read more »
I don’t think just because he fantasizes means he’ll cheat. But you have to wonder what he fantasizes about and why. I’m sure you’re a very attractive woman, but if you’re no fun in the bedroom or as open minded as he is, then you may have a reason to worry. For instance, I once had a very attractive gf, who even though I would give her oral sex, and she loved it, but she wouldn’t return the favor. I put up with it for awhile but it finally made me feel like she wasn’t on the same page as… Read more »
There’s an episode of King of Queens that covers this very topic. It’s pretty awesome, and spot on to the male (and female) pysche on this issue, I’d recommend searching for it and watching it. Yes, men fantasize, however, if he is fantasizing about someone else while engaging in sex with you, then you need to move on. If it is just in dreams or “personal time” then don’t sweat it. If you don’t want to hear about them, either tell him about your own fantasies, or tell him you don’t want to hear them. I’d personally rather not know… Read more »

^Well, have your best girlfriend tell your boyfriend that he is one of the ugliest guys she’s ever seen. Make him think she would never ‘get’ with him (threesome) ever. And tell your boyfriend that you want to have a threesome with him, and his best buddy, because his best buddy makes you wet. See his reaction.

Broken Hearted

Ok people what if your boyfriend tells you he has fantasizes about one of your best girlfriends, then tells you he’s attracted to her and that she’s sexy! AND on top of that tells you he would like to have a threesome with her,what for the life of me would you do? {I’m very hurt and broken hearted] and my feelings have changed for him after 19 years of being together! I don’t even want him to touch me. HELP!