We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. This week, we had two very similar inquiries from both a straight woman and a straight man. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.
My boyfriend has been on antidepressants for almost a year. He can no longer come through vaginal intercourse – only intense BJs or HJs. I am minorly managing to avoid insecurity in this situation (he says he thinks my vagina is too soft – but he reassures me that it’s him, not me), but I am definitely suffering from this lack of intimacy. How can I continue to support him, pad my frustration and sense of sadness, and not give him (or myself) a complex? I worry that any input will change the mental part of the situation once the meds are done, so I just kinda do my thing and then we stop. I also worry that all this intense play for ejaculate will mean my man will never get off from old-fashioned sex again – that he’ll wind up desensitized. What do I do?
— Ms. Frustrated
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for over four years and I’ve never met anyone like her. I am thrilled with my catch, but the one problem area is in the bedroom. She has had a host of medical conditions that have made our sex life erratic at best. When we are able to get down, it’s great, but very often she experiences pain, discomfort, etc. She has seen multiple doctors and attempted many solutions, but it seems to be a never ending rollercoaster. The latest recommendation has been to cut out intercourse for an indefinite period. I feel I’ve been very sympathetic and understanding throughout the relationship about this situation and I know she appreciates it. But this is maddeningly frustrating for both of us and I understand that she feels embarrassed/ashamed/guilty etc. for the whole problem. I continue to try to be supportive, but obviously the issues are wearing on me as well. I do feel like we’ve improved on communicating about it, but that hasn’t necessarily assuaged my frustration with the issue and I feel like my needs aren’t being met. How would you suggest a couple handle a problem like this?
— Mr. Frustrated
What should Ms. and Mr. Frustrated do? Let them know in the comments below.