Your Call: How Can He Get a Date? (Or Become Dateable?)

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

I am a 22 year old male college student about to enter my 5th year. I was not really into relationships and dating in high school or even before because the pickins were a bit sparse and everyone that was dateable was already in a relationship or just didn’t find me attractive. I fell in love a few times but either quickly saw things that I found unfavorable or let them pass without saying nothing. Then in college I thought I met the perfect girl but when I actually approached her about it, she turned out to be one of those stuck-up career-oriented girls and I can forgive the career-oriented part. Plus she wasn’t that into me. Since then, I have been looking for someone/something to fill that void. Then I tried looking at other girls but I quickly learned that my college is filled with girls like her who don’t want a relationship or have been in one since elementary school. I’ve put up with being pushed to the side for too long. Am I weird for never going on a date or being kissed at 22? I mean, am I that undateable? Is me never being in a relationship a turnoff for women my age? If I should start dating now, where can I go to find girls other than college because that pool has dried up for me at least. Please help before I end up the male equivalent of an old cat lady. Any help will be appreciated. Thanks!

— All By Myself

What should ABM do?

Say Something

28 Comments on "Your Call: How Can He Get a Date? (Or Become Dateable?)"

Notify of

Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
4 years 1 month ago

Follow Mikey’s advice.

4 years 2 months ago

Easy..make lots of money…then you will be hounded by women night and day no matter how insentive, ugly, whiny, etc you are.

Of course, the types of women you get will be beautiful but typically shallow and will dump you after they use you for everything you are worth.

Or you can find a female friend who can be brutally honest with you and tell you exactly what you need to change (make better) about your looks and personality.

We all have flaws but until we see them we always focus on other people’s. Other people are the problem, not that I smoke 1 pack of cigerettes a day and smell like rotted flesh death. Other people are the problem, not that I am 100 lbs overwieght and have man boobs, sweat profusely, cant wipe my own butt because I cant reach it. Other people are the problem because they cant take an inappropriate remark as a joke. Other people are the problem…NOT ME.

Take responsibility for who you are. Change yourself to make you the best man that you can be. Everything will fall into place. Ask yourself, “What kind of girl do I want?” List all her qualities. Then ask yourself would that kind of girl want me? If not, change those things that would not be attractive to her. If you cant change it, modify it to the best of your ability.

Good luck!

4 years 2 months ago

First,dont look at every girl as “unavailable”some girls arent and are waiting to be asked.But do not just go up and ask.Make friends first then ask.Its a lot easier and she probably wont reject.Trust me.!

4 years 3 months ago

Without going into particulars I’d say that …

“my college is filled with girls like her who don’t want a relationship or have been in one since elementary school”

…would make your school statistically extremely improbable. That would be true even if you’re going to one of the really intensive schools like MIT or Cal Tech where most students barely have time to sleep let alone date.

I’d also say that Mikey, above, is on the right track about working on social contact first. When you’re dead lonely it sounds like the worst advice possible, but, from the bottom of my heart I recommend first making friends with women you aren’t interested in dating.

There are two reasons for this. First, because it doesn’t sound like you’ve got a lot of experience socializing closely with women, and being able to socialize is really critical to being able to form closer relationships. Second, because when you consciously socialize with women you don’t want to date you’re not as likely to bring the no-doubt unintentional “creepy” vibe some commenters noticed in your post.

But finally, not to jump the gun but I think you’ll find that if you socialize with women you don’t want to date you’ll discover that, actually, many them will turn out to be way more interesting, approachable, and ultimately attractive than you’ve been giving them credit for.

But that comes later. Really. Because I’m not saying “widen your ‘pool'” by approaching women you don’t find attractive. I really am saying learn how to be ordinary, everyday friends with women first.

Lastly? I’m going to pull the sexpert card and say that a) it’s commonly believed that most people lose their virginity in high school even though b) by the end of their sophomore year almost 50% are still virgins. Therefore a) like millions of other college students who believe otherwise you’re not the only one and b) no, it’s not that unusual to still be a virgin at 22.

You do have a little catching up to do in the dating department, but again, the best way to get there is to catch up on forming platonic friendships first.

Best of luck,


4 years 3 months ago

hell no you aren’t weird!

i’m 27 and have not been on a date since high school (which was lame anyways). I either run into people who dont want to have a serious relationship, or people already in ones. But you shouldn’t let that discourage you.

There are people out there that aren’t tacky whores that may actually want to date you because you dont have any expectations or haven’t dated a lot of girls..