Your Call: How Can I Find Women Who Are Hot AND Smart?

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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

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Dear Em & Lo,

About five months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of two years and have met someone new. The other day the new girl and I were talking about various things, ideas, etc., which led me to discover that this new girl is significantly dumber (like really stupid) compared to my previous girlfriend. My problem is that I’m really worried about having a relationship with her, because my ex was extremely intelligent. I go to a top school, I have a high IQ, and I value intelligence. I like to make fun of dumb girls. I feel really disappointed (since the new girl is hot, like a 9 or a 10, which I also value) and I know that my ex set a really high standard. Am I bad person for only liking girls who are extremely smart? Why can’t good-looking girls come with their IQs tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.

— Intelligentist

What should Intelligentist do? Let him know in the comments below.


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13 Comments on "Your Call: How Can I Find Women Who Are Hot AND Smart?"

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3 years 25 days ago

To find a woman who is both beautiful and hot stop being so critical. You come off as a total tool in this letter with the whole rating women on hotness and making fun of dumb girls gambit. Beauty is defined as not only how a woman looks but who she is and how she treats people. It is entirely possible to find a woman who is both beautiful and intelligent but you will be better positioned to find her if you drop the whole superiority complex you have (that would turn off the women I have known over the years who fell into both of these categories.) If you’re not into the girl you’re currently dating, then by all mean dump her. I would suggest thinking about what your passions are. A college campus is a great place to pursue diverse interests and hobbies or find new ones. Is there a place where you could volunteer related to an interest of yours or a professional organization that you could join? Beautiful, smart, hot women are out there but you need to be willing to work for them and go where they go. Be open to serendipity. A recent study explored the role of serendipity in outcomes. My point is that you can meet many smart, beautiful people of both sexes while developing yourself, enjoying hobbies, and networking–just drop the tool act.

3 years 1 month ago

Hanna has said it all, except for stating explicitly that the problem is narcissism. Let her go; she will thank you.

3 years 1 month ago

Yeah, all these comments are spot on. There are tons of hot, intelligent women, but the truly smart ones don’t wanna go out with arrogant, superficial people. Is your “9 or 10” a dingbat? I guess it’s possible, but frankly, I doubt you’ve given her a chance to really shine anyway. I mean, it’s true that a lot of women are socialized to let these guys who identify as “high IQ, top school blah” go on and on about how smart they are while they nod and smile. Not all women want to engage in regular tongue lashings and verbal pissing contests. This doesn’t mean she’s dumb or even that she’s a bad conversationalist. I mean, is it possible that maybe you’re a bad conversationalist? Maybe some people don’t care about standardized test scores and prestige ratings on the US News and World Report. This is one kind of smart, but it’s not the only kind, or even the most valuable kind. People are smart in a lot of different ways, and frankly, there are very few people who have nothing to teach us and no valuable insights. If you don’t see that with her, maybe you’re not listening. Try really letting her talk about things that matter to her, and really get to know her without trying to wow her with your IQ score… If she’s as pretty as you say, she has probably rarely had anyone value her for her mind. If you could get over yourself and try this, she might really surprise you.

3 years 1 month ago

first, i am in love with the earlier comments and am happy to see such intelligent, funny people here.

increase your own stock, because who the hell isn’t vying for the smartest and hottest among us.

then, be ready for insecurity and jealousy, as you try to hold on to your prize.

don’t forget to look for & be humble, kind, & sane.

3 years 1 month ago

You clearly don’t respect this woman, and any future you have with her is going to be built on your perceived intellectual superiority. Nobody wants to be looked on – even “really stupid” people. Let her go and give her the chance to find someone who adores her inside and out, instead of someone who only wants her for her T&A.