Your Call: How Can I Get Her to Let Me In?

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We get a lot of questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to respond to a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your deep thoughts in the comments section. 

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I have been dating this gal for about 18 months now and recently she said we were getting too familiar. She was widowed seven years ago and when she feels she is falling for me, then she closes up and drives me away. She wants to be friends but does not want to go out and do things friends do. We play cards twice a week but she barely talks to me (though she does chat with others). Any suggestions as to how to get things on the right track again?

— The Outsider

What do you think T.O. should do? Leave your suggestions in the comments section below. 


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2 Comments on "Your Call: How Can I Get Her to Let Me In?"

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Saying she wants to be friends and then dodging you is classic blow-off behavior. I don’t think being a widow is the reason she drifts away when you get close. I think she isn’t into the relationship, but she isn’t handling that with courtesy or maturity. Maybe it’s because she lacks the courage to hurt your feelings. Maybe it’s because she likes the attention you pay to her, and likes to keep her options open. Either way, you’ve got feelings for her that she doesn’t seem to reciprocate. I’d say forget it and move on. … unless, of course, you… Read more »
Several things come to mind – First, I would lay your cards on the table. You may have already done this, but if not I would let her know in clear and unambiguous terms that you are interested in being “more than friends”. This may require a great deal of courage, as some of us really hate rejection and feel it quite keenly. Having said that, ’tis better to have given it your best shot and failed than to not have given it your best shot. Second, I’m wondering if she has already given you your answer. If she uses… Read more »