We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:
Dear Em & Lo,
I’m 24 (as is the guy I’m writing about), and just a year out of university. I met a guy while out dancing almost two months ago, and instantly hit it off. We danced all night (although it was cute “swinging and twirling” each other, rather than grinding), had a few drinks and exchanged numbers. After a week or so, he admitted that he liked me a lot, but since it’d only been a few months since his last relationship ended, he wanted to take things slow (usually means the relationship is doomed, right?). I took that as an “I’m not interested,” and kept any convo we had casual.
After weeks of texting, we finally decided to meet up. We ended up sleeping together because honestly, the chemistry is FAN-FREAKIN-TASTIC. It’s been almost two months, and we see eachother 3-4 times a week. While we have sex everytime, we do also watch movies and TV, cuddle a lot, and talk about each other’s families and life plans. He’s met my brother, although it was really by accident if I’m being totally honest, and I’ve met his brother and friends, but it was on a drunken night out — can I really put stock in that?
He’s far more affectionate, and says he thinks I’m perfect, and that our “sexual appetites” match each other. He uses the “L” word a lot to describe things about me, which is pretty new…and I find he’s started to become self-conscious around me, and touches, speaks and holds me more intimately. While everything is very FWB-ish, I’m wondering if the positive changes in his behaviour indicate that he’s started developing feelings for me, or if this is just a result of us getting to know each other and becoming more comfortable because of it.
Of course, I know the only real way to find out is to ask him…but I feel in doing so, I will reveal that I have developed feelings for him too. I’m told in relationships I behave like a guy, and to an extent it’s true; at this point, I could go either way with this guy: if he wants a relationship, then hallelujah! If not, I can literally switch those feelings off and keep on bangin’ him and be a merry booty caller.
Either way, I do know that I need to understand our direction or I may drive myself insane with over-thinking. How can I know if he wants more than just sex? I know he could come out and say it, but since I’m a very sexually-charged flirt, he may well be worrying if that’s all I want. What are “signs” I could look for? Or what may be an objective, ambiguous way to talk about it/finding out without ruining what we’re doing right now if he doesn’t want more?
— Dazed and Confused
What should D&C do?