8/29/16
Your Call: How Can She Get Her Boyfriend to Appreciate Her More?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

I feel unappreciated by my boyfriend: he doesn’t go out of his way to do nice things for me and doesn’t really seem thankful for all the nice things I do for him. I want to show him how to appreciate me, but we just end up fighting. He’s a good boyfriend, I just feel hurt by this lack of explicit thoughtfulness, and don’t know what to do to get him to appreciate me more.

— Doormaddie

What should Doormaddie do?
Let her know in the comments below!

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3 Comments on "Your Call: How Can She Get Her Boyfriend to Appreciate Her More?"

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milc

Ha! That IS harsh, Ralphie. I agree with HG, you two just might have diff ideas about how you express your love – what are thoughtful flowers to one person may be an empty Hallmark gesture to another. It’s the “end up fighting” that’s the problem. Make sure, when you communicate your desire for him to be more appreciative, it’s not in a critical, aggressive, put-down way; it has to come from a place of vulnerability. If he can’t handle that and then make an attempt to improve, at least a little, then take the Ralphie route.

Hoochie Galore
Dang, Ralphie isn’t messing around! I see where that comment is coming from but it is kinda harsh. I think people express appreciation in different ways. My man isn’t good about verbal appreciation or compliments. But he fixes problems with my car before I even know they exist. Is it possible your bf is showing appreciation, just not in the way you prefer or need? There’s this quiz you can take online about the different Languages of Love. It might give both of you some food for thought about how to work through things. But, it’s also possible that Ralphie… Read more »
Ralphie

“He’s a good boyfriend, I just feel hurt by this lack of explicit thoughtfulness, and don’t know what to do to get him to appreciate me more.”

Leave. The only way he’ll appreciate you is to realize all that you’ve done for him while you were there. Leave. Cut all ties. Don’t return. Then, maybe, he’ll appreciate you. For your part, find someone who will appreciate you.

One other point. You’re mistaken. He’s not a good boyfriend.

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