10/21/11
Your Call: How Can She Get Into Sex Again?

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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

I’ve been married to my husband for nine years and we have three kids. I’m currently nursing our seven month old. I really don’t enjoy sex, I even dread it. It’s not painful or anything, but it’s just really hard for me to get into it — and my husband doesn’t like it unless I am into it. He can’t just be happy having a “quickie” because it’s too much like business. Anyway, we were both virgins when we got married, so we are each other’s only partners. I need help, because we are both very frustrated.

— Business Partner

What should B.P. do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.

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11 Comments on "Your Call: How Can She Get Into Sex Again?"

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mariah
2 years 4 months ago

Pray to God to give you the desire,eat good food that will increase your drive n watch movies.Don’t be afraid to fall in love again, be adventurous

heather
heather
3 years 3 days ago
OMW I read these comments and almost passed out. An open marriage, having an affair? Really people? This is why our divorce rate is so high. First off it is baby number 3 and your still nursing (btw good for you). It is normal not to be into sex at this time. It is hard to turn that switch when you have a baby on the boob. Second not sure if you ever enjoyed sex. I’m guessing you enjoyed intimacy at one time, not sex but intimacy. While your nursing that part of your life is filled. Third You need… Read more »
Ella
Ella
4 years 6 months ago

Although of course I don’t know whether there are any deeper issues you have with sex. Whether you ever have enjoyed it, whether you have had bad experiences.

And you know: intimacy and sex are not only concentrated on our genitals. Sometimes it can be enough to caress his back. Or kiss, just hold each other and kiss for a while.

Ella
Ella
4 years 6 months ago
Although I’m a person who really enjoys sex for its own sake, there’s a completely different dimension in it, too. I like to make my partner feel good. Sometimes I cook him his favorite meals, I give him massages, I buy his favorite foods – I take care of him, just like he does of me. And sometimes, sex is just for him, too. Giving him a blowjob, a handjob or just caressing his whole body. He enjoys it, he completely relaxes, he has a calm smile on his face. He just enjoys. Of course that’s nothing I do when… Read more »
BCofUIMHere
BCofUIMHere
4 years 7 months ago

You’ve been married for nine years. Have you not enjoyed/dreaded sex all that time? Is your husband aware you dread sex with him?

It sounds like it is time for a long overdue talk with him. After nine years, maybe it’s also time to talk to a professional. You both deserve to have a good sex life, and your letter makes it sound like neither of you have from the get-go.

jillian
jillian
4 years 7 months ago

Your baby is only 7 months old and you’re nursing — your hormones are still in baby mode. Lack of libido can be part of having a little one. It’s waaaaaaaaay too early to blame this on a bigger issue. Certainly consider if you would both be ok with an open marriage, but be aware that things may change when your hormones go back to normal.

ralphie
ralphie
4 years 7 months ago
I agree with Dannie, there is missing information. You indicate that you “really don’t enjoy sex, [you] even dread it.” The one question that I did not see being asked is whether you ever really enjoyed sex. Any answer must be predicated on your expectations. If you previously enjoyed sex, but do not now, it could be simply that you have 3 children, including a seven month old that you are nursing, or just a rut that all people go through. If its a case that you never really enjoyed sex (even though you may have been into it at… Read more »
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