Your Call: How Do I Get Over All the Sex She’s Had Before Me?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. We’re tempted to give this guy a piece of our mind, but we have a feeling that you, dear readers, are more than up to the task!

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Dear Em & Lo,

I’m with a woman who has three daughters from different fathers. I’ve known her for a very long time as I’m a family friend — when we both met we liked each other, but never did anything about it. Now we live together but she really likes to have sex. Likes porn, loves to fantasize during sex. I know she has had sex with at least two women and she’s just wild when it comes to sex.

We have good sex (I think) but she never gets enough. It’s not a problem for me as I am more than capable, but it’s bothering me to think she has had lots of sex before me. Am I overreacting? She says it’s never been the same with other partners because she loves me. I find that to be such a BS excuse. I think she’s slutty, just from a guy’s point of view. I don’t know what to think, but I’m not that convinced with this girl. Help Me…

— Too Good to Be True

What’s your advice for Mr. Too Good to Be True? Leave your suggestions (slash ass-kicking) in the comments section below!

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12 Comments on "Your Call: How Do I Get Over All the Sex She’s Had Before Me?"

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First of all, I understand where you are coming from. I think you could have gotten your point across without calling her “slutty” but I can understand your underlying point. I too have a fear of dating a women who has even had sex once before me. It’s not that I am shallow, I just find it disgusting to think that someone else has been inside her (I am a germaphobe). Anyway, there are only 2 option you have. 1. If you really love this woman, then go to a cognitive behavioral therapist (or counselor) and try to see another… Read more »
Don @ HowYouCanFindLove

I love how if a woman has lots of partners she is slutty, but if a guy has a lot of partners he is experienced. The fact is, what is done is done. You can’t go back and change things. I never ask a woman how many partners she has had because all that matters is that she is with me now, and she is with me now for a reason. She isn’t with the other guys for a reason as well. Become more confident knowing that she is with you because she wants to be.

First of all, you dated her even though you were a friend and knew all about her having the 3 children from 3 different guys. So you were attracted to her probably for her wild side. Now you can’t handle it.Everyone has a past. Get over it. The past is the past for a reason. Calling her slutty means you cannot handle her or your relationship and that is not fair to her, especially if she says she loves you. I can’t imagine a guy telling me our great sex life is too much for him because he can only… Read more »

As I read this , the man who has been a family friend for some time , has been drawn into a relationship by a woman who has a great need of sex . Effectively he has allowed himself to be used , though there is mutual pleasure and gratification . One can learn a lot from a woman who has much experience of lovemaking with different men . If the woman is slutty , that is something quite different that he could/should have seen before cohabiting with her .

Sigh… A man wants a virgin who will be his whore. I am going to try to avoid criticizing though, since I think this is a case where you legitimately don’t realize the misogyny underlying your feelings. Maybe your problem could easily be resolved if you could just get to the root of why you feel that way and see how deeply offensive and hateful it is to women. The issue is, when you obsess too much about what your woman did in the past- how much, with whom, how often, and how ecstatically- you are treating her as a… Read more »
Tom Jones

I can’t believe that a man would call his partner slutty because she’s had more sex than he has. What if it was the other way around, would you be playing the stud card? If the man has had sex outside marriage himself, then he’s being hypocritical.

If I can play Solomon for a minute here how about I suggest you break up with her publicly and loudly, report her to child-protective services as a bad mom, tell her friends and relatives and yours that she’s “slutty, from a guy’s point of view” and that you’re just too nice a guy to have to endure that. And neither should anyone else with any pride. Sound like fun? Sound like you? Or let’s try it like this: what if someone were to say all these things you’ve been saying about her? Would you stand up for her or… Read more »