Your Call: How Do I Know If He’s the One?

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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

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Dear Em & Lo,

I want to be in a long-term relationship, but I don’t know if I’m choosing the right man. Is it true that if we can live without someone, then we don’t love them?

— Put a Ring On It?

What words of wisdom do you have for P.A.R.O.I. about knowing when someone is “The One”? Leave your advice in the comments section below.


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4 Comments on "Your Call: How Do I Know If He’s the One?"

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I believe a requirement to love is knowing that you absolutely can live without them, but that you CHOOSE not to. Love is a partnership that doesn’t only fill the gaps that you may have, but adds to who you are and who you aspire to be. Does he make you feel like you want to be better? Does he treat you with respect? Do you both deal with conflict well? You’re a strong, smart lady and I’m sure your partner can see that. And if he doesn’t, then make him see it. Nobody here can answer if you should… Read more »

He is “the one” when you enjoy each others company even if their is no conversation…it feels right. You enjoy having a spiritual relationship together. A healthy sex life is always good. He takes an interest in my life. “The one” lets me be myself when we are alone together (or in public for that matter, as long as it’s appropriate). “The one” is loyal and faithful.

You know he’s “the one” when: – You miss having him beside you when you’re vegging out to TV. This means he’s been beside you when you watch tv (not just on exciting dates and planned activities) and that he’s awesome enough that you want him around all the time. – You know that you can live with his flaws. You aren’t expecting him to change anything because you know good & bad come with everyone, and his flaws are something you can laugh about, love anyway etc. – You don’t have to remind yourself to kiss & hug him… Read more »
Testing your relationship by asking “Can I live without this person?” is setting yourself up for doubt. The idea of “the one” is romantic, but not practical. It’s based in fantasy. You are better off asking yourself some easier to answer questions, such as does this person provide emotional and material support when I need it? Does this person fit well into my lifestyle and beliefs, or will we always be going our separate ways for fun, political engagement, religious activities, etc.? Does this person want kids, and do I want kids? Do we see eye to eye on that?… Read more »