When the heartbroken write to us, we usually offer up our patented 10-step program for getting over a breakup. But not even that 99%-guaranteed method sounds like it’ll work on this sad and pathetic soul. Help her out, people!
Dear Em & Lo,
I feel stupid to ask, but how do you get over someone? I had a terrible break-up nearly three years ago (he cheated, I couldn’t bring myself to take him back, he moved on to the next girl, and cheated on her too) and nothing I do seems to help. I gave myself a while to wallow immediately after it, and then gave myself a serious pep talk about getting on with things.
I’ve since tried talking about it and writing about it; I’ve gone on internet dates; I’ve made new friends, tried new hobbies, cut my hair, worked hard at my job, volunteered, exercised, travelled, cried. On one occasion I even lost my temper and shouted at him in public for his bad behaviour (not dignified but definitely justified and sort of cathartic). It’s been so long and I still don’t feel any better.
No one interests me, and none of my friends seem to have ever felt like this for such a long period, or seem to understand how awful I still feel — which makes me feel even lonelier. I think about him every day and still see him around, though I don’t ever speak to him. Friends have suggested I move away, but I love my job and the place where I live — it doesn’t seem fair that I’d have to be the one who moves. I don’t understand what I need to do to get over it. There must be something I’m missing, because I’ve tried so hard and I still feel as bad as I did the day it happened. What am I not doing right?!
— Heart Smoothie
What should “Heart Smoothie” do? Advise her below…