Your Call: How Does She Get Hubby to Have Sex More Than Twice a Year?

photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!


Been married for thirty-six years and when we have sex he is really amazing. The problem is we have sex only once every 1 to 2 years! It has always been sorta few and far between.

This is what really bothers me: he says it has to be when he is ready, when he is in the mood. Believe me, if it was when I wanted it, it would be at least twice a month.

How can I get him to realize that sometimes it makes me feel like my opinions or feelings do not matter to him?

— Blue Box

What should B.B. do? Let her know in the comments section below.


Say Something

6 Comments on "Your Call: How Does She Get Hubby to Have Sex More Than Twice a Year?"

Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted

Figleaf, that was such a kind and helpful post, my goodness! You offered up a really helpful and personal perspective, and totally shattered a lot of my preconceived notions. 🙂 Well done!


I am sorry, all I can come up with is WTF?

You both have missed out on so of a great thing with being partners with someone.


Oof! Long comment. Sorry!


I’m with J. Invite him to get his hormone levels checked. It’s perfectly normal for a man in his 50s to have drastically less testosterone than he did in his 20s, or even 40s. And while it’s not “normal” it’s not exactly unusual either for it to be below “normal” for someone his age. (50% of everybody’s below average by definition, right?) And libido and testosterone can be pretty closely linked. That said, there are a few other factors that can come into the picture for adults in their 50s, men and women: 1) It’s when a lot of our… Read more »

Im guessing that, since you’ve been married 36 years, you’re both at least in your late 50s. Can you drag him to the doctor for a check up? Low testosterone maybe? But, if it’s not a physical problem then Johnny is probably right unfortunately. Most people don’t have the ability to force their sex drives to change. But a good battery operated boyfriend may help you out!


Once every year or two, and it’s been like that for a long time? I hate to say it, but I don’t see this pattern changing. I’d say consider your alternatives.