Your Call: How Many Times Can She Take Him Back?

photo by ken ratcliff

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve had an off-again, on-again relationship with a guy I love for a few years, but he’s just a bit immature, not ready for total commitment just yet (we’re in our late 20s). But I know we’re perfect for each other, we make a great team, and he can’t seem to stay away. (He’s never cheated on me, he just gets restless, and he either breaks up with me or becomes detached enough that I break up with him.)  I don’t want to keep going on this roller coaster ride — I’ve got some pride. But I do love him, and I know he loves me. How many times of breaking up and getting back together is too many, when I truly believe that we could eventually get married if we both just hang in there? When do I give up?

– The Cyclone

What should TC do?

Say Something

14 Comments on "Your Call: How Many Times Can She Take Him Back?"

Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted

Leave him now before you get trapped

Wow! This is a dude who is gaming you and any other woman who puts up with an on again off again relationship. It really amazes me the level of low self esteem women have for themselves that they put up with trifling behavior from a man just because they’d rather be with a dude who treats them crappy than to kick him to the curb and get better for themselves. Ladies please! No man is worth your self esteem. This dude keeps coming back because he knows he can have you and whoever else he wants when he is… Read more »

I’m facing the exact same thing. It’s been 5 years now. And I can’t seem to forget him, and so won’t he. He declared that I’m forever his, but he’ll never say the word “love”. So, I’m guessing all of you gals are right. Maybe he isn’t the perfect one. But for the past year, I’ve been hard on myself and prepared to let him go. I’m doing well now, although occasionanlly he calls me up every other week. I just gotsa push him away nicely. Always.

hello there… im in the same position as you… i’ve been with the same guy for 2 yrs and i love him a lot. he makes me happy and we have a lot of fun together. however it is an on and off again relationship. everyone is telling me to just move on but, its so hard for me to be single after being in one relationship after another…. i would love to be with him for a long time but it its destructive and i hate how it makes me feel everytime we break up and get back together.… Read more »
The Cyclone- I know this may sound like I am super pessimistic, BUT.. I’ve dealt with this exact situation twice before, once with a roommate’s relationship, and once with a really good girlfriend’s. I’ll fast forward now and say that they both ended up (after some hurt and second-guessing- I won’t sugar coat it) with a really great guy, who they are with to this day. You have to put it in perspective- if the guy you are seeing is on and off, unreliable, and seems to be a commitment-phobe/not serious RIGHT NOW, what signals you to believe that his… Read more »
It’s time to let go if you’re bringing yourself to asking this question. If you are in your late 20’s and have had an on-again/off-again relationship for YEARS then it’s high time you move on. He’s probably going to be one of those eternal bachelors who can’t ever seem to commit. For that matter, what if he does commit, but then decides after you’re married that he’s ‘restless’ again. Could you live in a marriage like that? I doubt it. Do yourself a favor, gather your pride and move on to a guy who is more deserving of your time… Read more »
How soon do you want to get married? Do you want to marry him specifically, or get married in general, by a certain age? If he’s not ready to get married until you’re 45, are you okay with that? This guy sounds like a long wait, if ever, sort of fellow. If you can stand living indefinitely (and I mean like, a decade or two) in the moment with him, then that’s doable with him, but if you need a plan and a goal, it doesn’t sound like he’s getting there any time soon. Or far. You’re on the clock… Read more »