10/7/11
How Often Do Booty Calls Become Girlfriends?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been in an “arrangement” style non-relationship with a dude for nearly a year (I say “arrangement” as I loathe the terms “fuck buddy” or “booty call,” but yes, they are one and the same). We have both seen other people over the course of this time, and it’s never been a big deal, we just see one another when the mood strikes, on a non-regular basis (sometimes once a month, sometimes every 90 days, just depending on our personal relationships at the time).

I don’t know if it’s the lack of other personal relationships of late, or what, but I have recently decided that I wouldn’t mind dating the fella for real, but don’t want to broach the subject for fear I’ll lose the best smoke signal I’ve ever had (again, a substitute for the awful butt buddy title)! I am nearly 100% positive that he’s not interested in more, otherwise I feel he would have made a move or a comment by now (thank you so much, mildly worn copy of He’s Just Not That Into You).

Also, I feel there’s a definite double standard involved here (or perhaps it’s just my paranoia): if a man develops feelings for his female casual sex partner, and the woman is interested, she doesn’t think twice about taking it to the next level. However, if the female develops feelings, the man suddenly has a “she’s tarnished and I could never take an easy broad like her home to Mom” epiphany. I guess what I’m really asking, with no true agenda, just a general wondering is…

How big is the obstacle of going from AssFriend to Girlfriend and is it even truly possible??

— Nookie Monster

What do you think of Nookie Monster’s question? Leave your opinion in the comments section below.


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48 Comments on "How Often Do Booty Calls Become Girlfriends?"


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Anastasia
1 hour 12 minutes ago

I’ve been hooking up with this guy for 3 years… Originally strictly friends with benefits … On an off I have had only a couple different men in my life and and when I have had other men in my life I made it clear to him I was In a relationship. He was happy for me, however the relationships didn’t last because I wasn’t happy with the men I was seeing. We have continued sleeping with each other on an off over the course of 3 years. The sex is out of this water and he pleases me in… Read more »

Monica
3 months 28 days ago

See I’m on the same page as her I’m having casual sex with my coworker and it’s been going in for almost a year but he said he’s no ready for a relationship because he just got a divorce around 2 yrs now but I told him that I have feelings gs for him so he know how I feel about him. But yet we co tone to keep having sex now we said that we would only stop with each other if one of us finds a new partner to gave sex with thus said we are only having… Read more »

MsFab
1 year 9 months ago

I met this guy at a bar four weeks ago . I slept with him on the first night and was ok to only see him as a one night stand. He then took my number and texted and called everyday we spend the week together going to movies and supper and he asked me to sleep over at his place we then ended ups seeing each other the entire week. But on the weekend he disappeared. I was a bit suspicious and asked him where he was and he told me upfront that he is in a relationship, I… Read more »

DJ
20 days 22 hours ago

Honestly coming from a man who has done this to women… he is playing you for his own enjoyment. I don’t want to be mean but merely honest. If a man likes you and truly wants to be with you he will do everything you make it happen. Honest but true. Best of luck

Johanne
1 year 10 months ago

I’ve had this arrangement for about 8 months with this guy, in the beginning it was twice a month or would be a day after the next during weekends only.. We usually do the meeting after we both get home from a party so drunk wanting each other. We kept it very casual from no small talks just straight to business. I and him have been going on dates with other people, but me nd him have never been on a date or anything outside of bed (which is understandable being the arrangement) we slowly started seeing each other once… Read more »

Monica
3 months 28 days ago

Girl this sounds like my situation see he gives me mixed signals to and I’m really confused about this whole thing we got going on I’ve asked guys about it and response I get back is leave him he’s playing with you he just don’t want to see you with no one bUT he wants you to just be with him only idk what to do besides the Sex is great

Ana
1 year 10 months ago

I read basically all the comments over here and I’m more confused. I have been in a fuck buddy relationship for 3 years now. In the begging it was more regular, what I mean is that we used to see each other and text more often. After that we argued and we didn’t talk like for months. After that we met again we cleared things, he told me that he couldn’t offer me anything more than sex. I refused in the beging but as I thought I had fall in love Iaccepted. After a while he got in a real… Read more »

Lilly
2 years 5 months ago

Its funny seeing all these responses- honestly the whole situation of fb/ emotions/ confusion is enough to turn anyone mental. I’ve just recently removed myself from a confusing fb/ casual/ situation as I found the whole thing incredibly draining emotionally. My problem was that I didn’t know what I wanted relationship wise- also it started out purely physical, then more fwb, then things got kinda awkward and we settled on friendship ( in other words platonic) Trying to define what it was in the end was tricky- mainly because the whole rules of casual dating and sex is so clear… Read more »

Anastasia
1 hour 13 minutes ago

I’ve been hooking up with this guy for 3 years… Originally strictly friends with benefits … On an off I have had only a couple different men in my life and and when I have had other men in my life I made it clear to him I was In a relationship. He was happy for me, however the relationships didn’t last because I wasn’t happy with the men I was seeing. We have continued sleeping with each other on an off over the course of 3 years. The sex is out of this water and he pleases me in… Read more »

Xx
2 years 5 months ago

So I’ve been hooking up with a guy I slept with 3 times when we met ok holiday.
Since we got back the sex is great and his the one messaging me and I know it’s only sex. But is there a chance he would ever see me as something more or should I accept that I’m just an exclusive fwb?
I really fancy him but I’m not sure what he thinks of me.

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