10/7/11
How Often Do Booty Calls Become Girlfriends?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been in an “arrangement” style non-relationship with a dude for nearly a year (I say “arrangement” as I loathe the terms “fuck buddy” or “booty call,” but yes, they are one and the same). We have both seen other people over the course of this time, and it’s never been a big deal, we just see one another when the mood strikes, on a non-regular basis (sometimes once a month, sometimes every 90 days, just depending on our personal relationships at the time).

I don’t know if it’s the lack of other personal relationships of late, or what, but I have recently decided that I wouldn’t mind dating the fella for real, but don’t want to broach the subject for fear I’ll lose the best smoke signal I’ve ever had (again, a substitute for the awful butt buddy title)! I am nearly 100% positive that he’s not interested in more, otherwise I feel he would have made a move or a comment by now (thank you so much, mildly worn copy of He’s Just Not That Into You).

Also, I feel there’s a definite double standard involved here (or perhaps it’s just my paranoia): if a man develops feelings for his female casual sex partner, and the woman is interested, she doesn’t think twice about taking it to the next level. However, if the female develops feelings, the man suddenly has a “she’s tarnished and I could never take an easy broad like her home to Mom” epiphany. I guess what I’m really asking, with no true agenda, just a general wondering is…

How big is the obstacle of going from AssFriend to Girlfriend and is it even truly possible??

— Nookie Monster

What do you think of Nookie Monster’s question? Leave your opinion in the comments section below.

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53 Comments on "How Often Do Booty Calls Become Girlfriends?"

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Frustrated James
Frustrated James
1 hour 25 minutes ago

This isn’t true.. Maybe I’m the only man that is like this.. But I’m really good at sex, tall dark and handsome make a decent living and cuddle awesome.

I move too quickly. And scare women off all the freaking time.

Savannah
Savannah
1 day 15 hours ago
So recently I started a new job and I bluntly told this guy who is 12 years older than I am, that I wanted to have sex with him. We ended up having sex for a quick 30 minutes omw night after work and it was so intense! My ass was bruised from all the spanking . My collar bone was even bruised. I like it rough if you can’t already tell. We’ve hooked up twice since then. And it’s going okay I think. At work, I’ll send him nudes and get him frazzled because I think it’s funny. But… Read more »
lily
lily
2 months 6 days ago

lol … sorry but you chicks are silly, if a man is not claiming you as his… he doesn’t want you , I don’t care how good the sex is , if he loves you .. you know cause it shows in his actions outside of sex too

Anastasia
Anastasia
2 months 22 days ago
I’ve been hooking up with this guy for 3 years… Originally strictly friends with benefits … On an off I have had only a couple different men in my life and and when I have had other men in my life I made it clear to him I was In a relationship. He was happy for me, however the relationships didn’t last because I wasn’t happy with the men I was seeing. We have continued sleeping with each other on an off over the course of 3 years. The sex is out of this water and he pleases me in… Read more »
Monica
Monica
6 months 19 days ago
See I’m on the same page as her I’m having casual sex with my coworker and it’s been going in for almost a year but he said he’s no ready for a relationship because he just got a divorce around 2 yrs now but I told him that I have feelings gs for him so he know how I feel about him. But yet we co tone to keep having sex now we said that we would only stop with each other if one of us finds a new partner to gave sex with thus said we are only having… Read more »
MsFab
MsFab
2 years 4 days ago
I met this guy at a bar four weeks ago . I slept with him on the first night and was ok to only see him as a one night stand. He then took my number and texted and called everyday we spend the week together going to movies and supper and he asked me to sleep over at his place we then ended ups seeing each other the entire week. But on the weekend he disappeared. I was a bit suspicious and asked him where he was and he told me upfront that he is in a relationship, I… Read more »
lily
lily
2 months 6 days ago

Ummmm point blank you are stupid. He would have broken up with the other woman by now, if he really wanted you . You are easy and gullible… and you want a man soooo bad that you are willing to sleep with a man who belongs to someone else and who would probably not make you his girl even if they do break up

DJ
DJ
3 months 12 days ago

Honestly coming from a man who has done this to women… he is playing you for his own enjoyment. I don’t want to be mean but merely honest. If a man likes you and truly wants to be with you he will do everything you make it happen. Honest but true. Best of luck

Johanne
Johanne
2 years 1 month ago
I’ve had this arrangement for about 8 months with this guy, in the beginning it was twice a month or would be a day after the next during weekends only.. We usually do the meeting after we both get home from a party so drunk wanting each other. We kept it very casual from no small talks just straight to business. I and him have been going on dates with other people, but me nd him have never been on a date or anything outside of bed (which is understandable being the arrangement) we slowly started seeing each other once… Read more »
lily
lily
2 months 6 days ago

I don’t think he is sending mixed signals at all, if he really liked you and wanted you , why would he have you thinking that he is going to find “a girlfriend” I think that is his way of letting you know that he is not considering you …. why else would he say that… the best thing to do is to ask him if he mentions that again

Monica
Monica
6 months 19 days ago

Girl this sounds like my situation see he gives me mixed signals to and I’m really confused about this whole thing we got going on I’ve asked guys about it and response I get back is leave him he’s playing with you he just don’t want to see you with no one bUT he wants you to just be with him only idk what to do besides the Sex is great

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