How Often Do Booty Calls Become Girlfriends?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been in an “arrangement” style non-relationship with a dude for nearly a year (I say “arrangement” as I loathe the terms “fuck buddy” or “booty call,” but yes, they are one and the same). We have both seen other people over the course of this time, and it’s never been a big deal, we just see one another when the mood strikes, on a non-regular basis (sometimes once a month, sometimes every 90 days, just depending on our personal relationships at the time).

I don’t know if it’s the lack of other personal relationships of late, or what, but I have recently decided that I wouldn’t mind dating the fella for real, but don’t want to broach the subject for fear I’ll lose the best smoke signal I’ve ever had (again, a substitute for the awful butt buddy title)! I am nearly 100% positive that he’s not interested in more, otherwise I feel he would have made a move or a comment by now (thank you so much, mildly worn copy of He’s Just Not That Into You).

Also, I feel there’s a definite double standard involved here (or perhaps it’s just my paranoia): if a man develops feelings for his female casual sex partner, and the woman is interested, she doesn’t think twice about taking it to the next level. However, if the female develops feelings, the man suddenly has a “she’s tarnished and I could never take an easy broad like her home to Mom” epiphany. I guess what I’m really asking, with no true agenda, just a general wondering is…

How big is the obstacle of going from AssFriend to Girlfriend and is it even truly possible??

— Nookie Monster

What do you think of Nookie Monster’s question? Leave your opinion in the comments section below.

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56 Comments on "How Often Do Booty Calls Become Girlfriends?"

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Nichelle Browning
So I have been talking to a guy for almost 7 yrs , we just clicked right of the bat from personal problems to our favorite color I mean everything we know about each other , he had a girlfriend at the time we started talking an they just broke up right at 2 yrs ,ago now an after talking for so long maybe right at 5 yrs we finally. Made a day to meet each other we met an had sex an we just hit it off an he will message every other day to check up on me… Read more »
Frustrated James

This isn’t true.. Maybe I’m the only man that is like this.. But I’m really good at sex, tall dark and handsome make a decent living and cuddle awesome.

I move too quickly. And scare women off all the freaking time.

So recently I started a new job and I bluntly told this guy who is 12 years older than I am, that I wanted to have sex with him. We ended up having sex for a quick 30 minutes omw night after work and it was so intense! My ass was bruised from all the spanking . My collar bone was even bruised. I like it rough if you can’t already tell. We’ve hooked up twice since then. And it’s going okay I think. At work, I’ll send him nudes and get him frazzled because I think it’s funny. But… Read more »

This is EXACTLY like my situation. What’d you end up doing? How’d it go?


lol … sorry but you chicks are silly, if a man is not claiming you as his… he doesn’t want you , I don’t care how good the sex is , if he loves you .. you know cause it shows in his actions outside of sex too

I’ve been hooking up with this guy for 3 years… Originally strictly friends with benefits … On an off I have had only a couple different men in my life and and when I have had other men in my life I made it clear to him I was In a relationship. He was happy for me, however the relationships didn’t last because I wasn’t happy with the men I was seeing. We have continued sleeping with each other on an off over the course of 3 years. The sex is out of this water and he pleases me in… Read more »
See I’m on the same page as her I’m having casual sex with my coworker and it’s been going in for almost a year but he said he’s no ready for a relationship because he just got a divorce around 2 yrs now but I told him that I have feelings gs for him so he know how I feel about him. But yet we co tone to keep having sex now we said that we would only stop with each other if one of us finds a new partner to gave sex with thus said we are only having… Read more »
I met this guy at a bar four weeks ago . I slept with him on the first night and was ok to only see him as a one night stand. He then took my number and texted and called everyday we spend the week together going to movies and supper and he asked me to sleep over at his place we then ended ups seeing each other the entire week. But on the weekend he disappeared. I was a bit suspicious and asked him where he was and he told me upfront that he is in a relationship, I… Read more »
At a guess…id say hes not just in a relationship with this other femalw bit hea living woth her and tells her hea working away..i mean, yoir stressing about not hwaeing from him over the weekend so how do you think this other female feels after a whole week when hes with you? Who in theie right mind would put up with that? She either doesn’t exist, or he’s telling her hes working away. Bet hes nowhere to live if he ends it. Him hinting at moving near to you is most likely him hoping you’ll be foolish enough to… Read more »

Ummmm point blank you are stupid. He would have broken up with the other woman by now, if he really wanted you . You are easy and gullible… and you want a man soooo bad that you are willing to sleep with a man who belongs to someone else and who would probably not make you his girl even if they do break up


Honestly coming from a man who has done this to women… he is playing you for his own enjoyment. I don’t want to be mean but merely honest. If a man likes you and truly wants to be with you he will do everything you make it happen. Honest but true. Best of luck