7/29/11
Your Call: I Used to Be Paid for Sex

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I used to be a topless maid, and was paid for sex. It is something I really regret doing, but at the time I needed the money, as lame of an excuse as that is. I have a boyfriend now who doesn’t care and loves me for more than just my body. But I find myself worrying about it all the time — what if all I am worth to people is a nice rack and a good lay? I am doing my best to put that behind me and find confidence in myself, both sexually and non-sexually. Any advice on how I could start going about that?

— Maid to Order

What should Maid do?

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7 Comments on "Your Call: I Used to Be Paid for Sex"

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the_unforgiven
the_unforgiven
4 years 8 months ago
“what if all I am worth to people is a nice rack and a good lay?” Well, who’s choice was that? There isn’t a single soul on this planet that couldn’t use a little more money. But what limits do you have? If ever “i needed the money” happens again, what will you do? Sell yourself again, sell your own child? The need for money is always there. Frankly, if you are with a guy and it doesn’t bother him, then be thankful, and leave it in the past. But it sounds like you are on the verge of doing… Read more »
mikey
4 years 8 months ago
It seems as though your self esteem is the issue. Some people who have had similar “work” experiences tend to want to sabotage their successes or positive relationships later on down the road. Realize first that you are a “human being” (regardless of what you have done in life)who is “being human” – meaning you are not perfect, and that’s okay. Ask yourself for forgiveness, and ask yourself for a chance to be happy moving forward. It sounds as though you have been judging yourself for a long time about this. Choosing to hold on to that self judgement has… Read more »
NR
NR
4 years 8 months ago
Let’s see if I understand you correctly: You have a boyfriend that loves you first for who you are. He knows all about your past and is comfortable with it. He also understands you can not turn back time to undo things. You did change the future by stepping out of the chosen career path. As a perk, he enjoys the “nice rack and a good lay”. You are uncertain about yourself. Stop concentrating on worrying about how your friend (or others) see you. Start worrying about how you see yourself. As Tori Amos sings so beautifully in Winter: “When… Read more »
henry
henry
4 years 8 months ago

Start by simply being a good friend. Relationships grow from that.

john
john
4 years 8 months ago

Just get over it, already. Your boyfriend gets it and love you, nice rack, good lay and a whole lot more. There is nothing wrong with you.

ralphie
ralphie
4 years 8 months ago
I agree with Johnny, in that it sounds like you’re on the right path. Everyone has something in their past that they are not happy with. Most come to terms with it, some need a little help. You already have proof through your boyfriend that you are more than a “nice rack and a good lay.” A lot of people do things for money that they are not proud of (reminds me of the old joke, please don’t tell my mother that I’m a lawyer, she thinks I play the piano in a brothel). Now, you’re no longer doing work… Read more »
Johnny
Johnny
4 years 8 months ago

Do? I dunno, it sounds like you’re doing fine… just keep it up and stay on a professional path that will move you ever further from sex work.

I try to be open-minded and non-judgmental about sex work, at least morally, but in the end I feel like it’s a real bad choice. It’s a fuckin’ dangerous lifestyle.

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