How Long Can a Virgin Make a Guy Wait?

Dear Em & Lo,

I’m a 26-year-old virgin and, while I’m not waiting for marriage, I am waiting for the right guy. You know, that guy that won’t pressure me for sex because it’s the 3rd date or break up with me after 3 months because I’m not ready. And yes, both of those situations have happened, on more than one occasion. As I get older, it seems more impossible to find a guy that will wait for sex. I want someone to respect me and make me feel safe enough to want to share that with him, because if a guy can treat me like crap after a nice evening where I cooked dinner and he didn’t get any, then imagine how much worse I would have felt had I given in and slept with him.

So, I guess my questions are: are there guys out there that will wait and respect me, how long is too long for him to wait, and what do guys think about a girl making them hold out for sex? I have male friends that respect me for waiting but, guys I date — that’s something else.

— The 26-Year-Old Virgin

What do you think the 26 Y.O.V. should do? Let her know in the comments below:

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253 Comments on "How Long Can a Virgin Make a Guy Wait?"

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2 years 3 months ago

I think it’s good in a way because you find out who really cares about you for you and isn’t trying to get something from you – maybe say it straight up, or on your profile if you do the online dating thing? fuck shaving your legs for heartbreakers!

2 years 3 months ago

It really depends on whether the guy you’re with shares similar view or is at least understanding. If a guy was serious about you (as in committed to pursuing a relationship with the intent of one day becoming married and thus spending the rest of his life with you) I can’t see why he’d have any trouble waiting. I happen to be a guy who is also waiting for the right girl. I’ve had plenty of opportunities but I turned them down every time both out of respect to whomever I end up with and in the hope that this… Read more »

2 years 5 months ago

I was 18 when I lost my virginity, and at the time I thought I had waited too long. I was ridiculed constantly in high school, actually had my sexuality questioned, because “what straight girl graduates high school a virgin?” Well I did, and let me tell you, the world didnt end and the sky didnt fall. Although I had dated and really liked the guy I did end up losing my virginity too, I wish I had been a little older. 18 is so damn young, and at the time, I thought there was something wrong with me. Ridiculous

2 years 5 months ago

@Jen: Sex may not be a big deal for you, but it is for some and there’s nothing wrong with waiting until one finds the right person to have that experience. Just giving it away to someone simply because people like you think being a virgin past high school age is weird doesn’t sound like a good way to enjoy sex, as you’re completely ignoring the fact that everyone goes at their own pace. Also, you don’t need to have sex to enjoy being a woman. That’s pretty much saying that you’re not a real woman if you’re not sexually… Read more »

7 months 26 days ago

Waiting until marriage to have sex is NEVER a bad idea. It saves you and your future spouse the complications of being sexually active with multiple people. I am 17 and a virgin. I am going to wait until marriage. My boyfriend respects my decision to wait. He doesn’t pressure me into it at all, and even helps me stay chaste. Virginity is a gift you only have once. It is one of.the thongs you can never get back. So you have a right to protect it and decide on your own when and who you will give it to.… Read more »

2 years 5 months ago

my boyfriend and I is dating 1 year and a month now. And we BOTH are still virgin (i’m his first girlfriend) we don’t talk too much about sex but we are happy and contented of what our relationship is going. He’s not the only one waiting, I am also we are waiting for the right time. :)

2 years 5 months ago

I am so saddened to see that everyone would rather take the easier route. My husband and I dated for 2 1/2 years and saved ourselves for our wedding night. Best decision we ever made! It was so exciting and thrilling to have that to look forward to. Being “controlling” because you don’t want to have sex is the biggest crapload I have ever heard. Sorry, but it’s true. Any man who pressures you into what you aren’t ready for is immature, and NOT worthy. Women need to have high self confidence to know that they are WORTHY and VALUED,… Read more »

Afric McGlinchey
2 years 6 months ago

You’re 26? And you’re still not ready? Your youth is disappearing right before your eyes. You are at your most beautiful and alive right now. Celebrate that with the man who desires you. It’s a wonderful thing to be desired. If it doesn’t work out, there will be someone else. That’s life. In the meantime, you will experience the wonderful pleasures of sex and sensuality.