Your Call – Is Living with Your Mom a Dealbreaker for Guys?

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Share your advice for this reader in the comments section below…

Dear Em & Lo and Wise Guys,

I’m a 38 year old woman and after a horrendous year (divorce, job loss, money loss), I finally have a job that I’m trying to earn more money at.  The problem is, my mom and I rent a house together and I share her car due to my circumstances until I can save enough for my own.  I’m responsible for my own bills and whatever, I help my mom out, but is this situation a dealbreaker with guys?  I’m just worried that I will be rejected due to this.  When do I tell them?  Please help.  I hate feeling like such a loser.

— Mama’s Girl

What should Mama’s Girl do? Share your suggestions in the comments section below.

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13 Comments on "Your Call – Is Living with Your Mom a Dealbreaker for Guys?"

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what if your mother is uncapable of caring for herself? what if your the only family member that has the ability to keep a roof over her head and groceries in the fridge? would you say that’s a deal breaker… someone who has a biological obligation to care for his mother… like an old ball and chain??

I don’t think its a bad thing to live at home with a parent. So, if a friend of mine leaves a secure environment to live like a bum (because he can’t afford it) will I have more respect for him??? We should not be judgemental of another human being. If you like someone, why should that change if they are living with their parent? I have friends that have great jobs and still live at home, they are happy. Perhaps, others are jealous of people that are happy. Don’t forget that once everyone was living with their parents, didn’t… Read more »

I am a divorced guy moving to another city to pursue a new career. I plan on living with my mom for a while (a year or less.) She is 92 and could use someone to watch over her while I could benefit from the stability of a good home. Guess it is a symbiotic relationship.Hopefully, we will get along and be respectful of each other.

I think that living with your mother at your age isn’t much of an issue, you are old enough that staying out late or all night isn’t an issue, and (hopefully) your mother understands that you are a grown woman who is independent and needs her own space. As for what you should tell your dates – I wouldn’t bring it up right away or anything but when it does come time to mention your living situation be honest about it, tell them that it is a mutually beneficial situation (you help your mom and she helps you) and that… Read more »

I don’t see living at home as necessarily indicative of anything negative. I tend to determine if the person is emotionally mature (in a manner I find attractive) through their acts, mannerisms, and attitudes instead of something like living situation.

For what it’s worth, I do think filial piety can be admirable–and even attractive–if it is based on supporting (a) parent(s) in a healthy constructive manner as opposed to some variation on co-dependency.

related Q
I am happily married to my high school sweetheart, but somehow I’ve become a ‘relationship coach’ for a friend of mine who is still trying to find someone. His living situation is one factor he worries about, that I’ve told him is a non-factor, but the comments here make me wonder. When his mom died, he bought his family home from his father, who still lives there. He now lives with his dad, primarily to provide companionship and provide the limited care and support his dad needs. He is financially secure, so that is not a factor, but bringing someone… Read more »

I agree with anathema. There are more details to consider for this to be a flat out deal breaker. My boyfriend lives at home (in the basement too), but he’s partially supporting his parents. While his friends are paying for their own apartments, he is paying off his father’s house. I feel like this is more positive than negative. Things happen and you’re being responsible living at home for the time being.

Also, I would like to hear more of the men’s opinion on this. Is it any different?