Your Call: My Friend Keeps Hitting On My Wife

Dear Em and Lo,

I have a friend let’s call him “A”, we used to be closer, but as time has gone by, we probably see each other every other month or so, and the occasional email of non-importance (humor, etc). I’ve known for a while that “A” has had a crush on my wife. In fact all my friends think she is a catch.

“A” sends my wife emails several times a week, political commentaries, humor, a little bit of everything, but nothing too personal. My wife was recently hospitalized for several weeks. “A” went out of his way (30 or so miles) to see her several times a week. While she was in the hospital she was up all hours, and my friend would drunk dial her. During these conversations he would tell her about how much of a crush he has always had on her, how special he thought she was, how she should go to baseball games with him (season ticket holder), how he was lonely and needed a woman in his life, and would also ask her for advice on meeting women.

My wife was very upfront about this happening, and just blew it off as him being harmless, and that he was making up for the times when he had dropped the ball in years past when we had a mutual friend in the hospital, and he didn’t step up to the plate.

When I asked her how she would feel if one of her friends called me more than her, emailed me, flirted with me, drunk dialed me, etc., my wife said she got the picture and that it would be inappropriate.

Not more than 20 minutes later my wife said she was going to call him, to make sure he wasn’t embarrassed by the things he said during the drunken conversations.

Now he is coming over for dinner.

I don’t have many close friends, so losing a friend really hurts. I know my wife isn’t attracted to him, but I still can’t stomach his behavior. I feel disrespected.

I have already been struggling with my lack of close friends, trying to figure out what I am doing wrong, why I have acquaintances instead of friends, why I no longer have deeper friendships in my life? Believe me I am keeping my therapist busy.

Do I keep this friendship? Do I try and salvage it? Or do I walk away?


— Virtual Cuckold

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80 Comments on "Your Call: My Friend Keeps Hitting On My Wife"

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He is not your friend. Friends do not hit on friends wife or girlfriend – period. There is an unwritten code of ethics.


Boys can not be friends with girls it does not work period.

I agree with the folks that say this man’s wife must be enjoying A’s attention because she has enabled A to continue his behavior. His wife shouldn’t have let it go this long. This is how fights get started between men. His wife has put him between a rock and a hard place. I think the question here is how does this man tell his wife that she is partly responsible for what’s happening with A. She’s probably not going to be happy to hear that. Especially from her husband. My wife had a guy flirting with her and would… Read more »

End it yourself. He’s no friend.


i think that person means that chicks dont always see guys bs for what it is.lowlifes like his friend will not respect the boundary and the wife may not realize what hes getting at,at first anyway.

Also someone needs to say above^
Also someone needs to say above^

Ok, I can understand if someone has been neglecting their wife emotionally that this can lead to trouble but if she starts using excuses like the one above^ (“understand that we women tend to feel bad for people and nurture them even when there’s really nothing we can do other than listen to them and be supportive. We’re conditioned to be good people and help.”) then it is time, my friend, for YOU to move on.

also need some
Man, I hope you haven’t been neglecting her emotionally ,if so you opened your relationship up to this and you better fix it fast! If not, understand that we women tend to feel bad for people and nurture them even when there’s really nothing we can do other than listen to them and be supportive. We’re conditioned to be good people and help. It takes alot for us to not feel bad sometimes about putting someone in their place. We often times make excuses for men’s behavior as we are looking for the best in them. Only you know if… Read more »