Your Call: My Guy Is Too Fat for Sex

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I genuinely have the most wonderful guy in my life. We were high school sweethearts who found each other again 20+ years later. Obviously I wouldn’t be writing you if there wasn’t a problem, so here it is: his weight prevents us from having intercourse, and it bothers me more and more as time goes on. Sexually he is amazing to me otherwise.

It didn’t actually occur to me early on that we would have this problem, and then when I did realize it, I believed it wouldn’t be a problem for long because he had lost 60 pounds in the previous 6 months. But it’s a year later and the weight loss stalled.

After 14 years in a miserable marriage and losing 50 pounds myself … well, I would really like to have “traditional sex.” But his weight (and difficulty maintaining an erection, even with ED medication) prevents me from successfully pulling off woman-on-top. And the final difficulty for me is that I feel unsure how to pleasure him to orgasm other than oral sex, and that kind of gets old when I feel that’s my only option. Got any advice? How do I talk to him about this?

— Weighed Down

What should W.D. do?

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12 Comments on "Your Call: My Guy Is Too Fat for Sex"

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i also am dating a pretty big guy that i would love to explore different sex postions with, but everytime we try they dont work.i love doggy style but i cant do it with him because his belly gets in the way and it hides some of his penis.he blames it on me and says it because i dont put a big enough arch in my back but i kno thats not the case because in previous relationships ive never had a problem.he is a great guy its just my first time being with a guy so big.i dont want… Read more »

This is something I’ve always wondered about. I’m straight so I don’t have any interest here, but I’ve seen guys in the showers at the local health club that have made me wonder how the hell they do it with their wives.

I’m in my late 50s. I don’t have a gut, but I’ve noticed that in the last 10 years or so, the small weight gain I have put on has affected the visible length of my penis. (Hiding maybe an inch.)


I just started dating a larger man myself, so this question has lingered in my mind. I’m very sexually attracted to him, but I wonder how his weight will affect his performance. I’m a highly sexual person that enjoys the many different aspects of sex. I hope that it wont be an issue. I’ve been seriously contemplating how I will handle poor bedroom performance. I really like this guy and want us to begin a relationship together. I hope you were able to find a solution.


Why not just say “honey your weight is keeping us from doing everything we could be doing in the bedroom and what can I do to restart or boost your weight losing abilities?”

Until the weight comes off…nobody will be happy!


Would a sex swing help any in this situation? Or any other piece of positioning furniture?


One position you might try is you lying on the edge of the bed, so that your back is horizontal and your hips are perched on the edge of the bed, with your legs off it and your feet settled on the floor; he can then enter you standing up, and if height is an issue you can raise yourself up with a couple of pillows so that your hips are at the right height.

Obesity can directly affect erectile dysfunction by lowering testosterone levels. Testosterone is the primary sex hormone in men, and it plays an important role in both libido and sexual function. Indirectly, obesity contributes to other diseases, such as hypertension, that are known factors in erectile dysfunction. The penis needs a sufficient supply of blood in order to become erect. Once engorged, the vessels need to close in order to maintain the erection. Hypertension, diabetes, high cholesterol and heart disease all contribute to erectile dysfunction by adversely damaging and constricting blood vessels and affecting the way blood flows in and out… Read more »