Your Call: My Husband Isn’t Interested in Sex with Me

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Help! I’ve been married to my husband 5 years (6 years dating) and our sex life …well, let’s just say I don’t think I can ever win. #1 we have sex once every 3 months…if I’m lucky. He’s always tired, headache, or any other number of reasons why he can’t. When we do have sex it’s in one position only, no foreplay, and once he’s “done”…he rolls over and goes to sleep.

Now, you have to understand that I want sex everyday all day, but it’s been so long we’ve struggled with this that I’m to the point I don’t look at him “like that” any more. I think if he came in right now naked, cock swinging…I could walk away….easily (because I know how it’s going to end).

I love my husband but I don’t know how to get things back on track anymore. I’ve talked to him about this so many times and he just says he’s going to “work on it.” He doesn’t want to talk about it or get any help. He says he loves me, but I feel it’s more like a “friendship” love more than anything else.

I also have to tell you when we were dating it was a long distance relationship, he is a Marine and was stationed in all kind of places. When we did see each other we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. I told him so many times about my sex appetite and he never had a problem with it….when we got married….immediatly I could see the difference in our appetites and he immediately stopped trying to “impress” in the bedroom.

We have 2 children (the first one we planned and for 1 month had tons of sex…as soon as I found out i was prego…it stopped). Our 2nd happened when I was drinking and basically jumped him….I found out I was prego and didn’t have sex for about 10 months. I’m so tired. He’s a great dad, provider and friend. But our lack of intimacy is killing this relationship and he doesn’t even acknowledge it. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

— Sexless in Seattle

What should S.I.S. do? Let her know in the comments section below.


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24 Comments on "Your Call: My Husband Isn’t Interested in Sex with Me"

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11 months 30 days ago

I have been married 10 years and am sick of always “begging” for sex. I am to the point where I am way too young to let someone that has an issue with sex on his part for me to just “settle” because we are married. I am filing for a divorce and will just date and have as much sex as I can until I don’t want it anymore. It’s a bunch of crap that people tell you “it’s not your fault but have you tried to do…..” blah blah blah. Men are just lazy and don’t care if their wife is unhappy. All they care about is themselves… UNLESS they find another women that turns them on, then they are sex animals 24-7 until they get bored again.

20 days 12 hours ago

Agree I’m in same situation

2 years 1 month ago

same problem here:( however we have been together 15months. when we were first together, it was passionate and exciting! now he never initiates it, and when I do, he usually tries to put me off or its over in two mins. I know I’m not boring in bed, im almost a freak. I like to mix it up, I’m definitely not a sack and I love giving oral sex (sorry about details, just trying to give overview). I know my partner lives me very much and is definitely not cheating. he’s not gay and he is a great partner and a great step father. what upsets me is that he can make comments about hit chicks on tv (like when his mates are around) and likes a bit of porn (he has some on his phone)which I don’t mind. but jeez, give me a little of that honey love babe. it REALLY upsets and now I’m frustrated and sad. tried talking about it and theres always excuses, to tired, asking to much, maybe later, ‘I’m lame’, or he gets upset and completely shuts down. I NEED lots intimacy, I’m too young for a non exsistant sexlife:(

Lisa R.
2 years 4 months ago

LEAVE NOW AND SAVE YOURSELF! Been there, done that, am happier now than when I second guessed everything and took all the blame. He is just not that into you, the end.

2 years 8 months ago


Went through this as well. Husband turned into roommate. 2 months ago I found out my husband had a porn addiction that stemmed from childhood and was happening throughout our entire 8 year relationship. If you google porn addiction it will inform you about all the signs. Check his browser history. Deleted? Just a thought of what it could be.

2 years 8 months ago

I am dealing with some of the same issues. My husband hardly ever wants to have sex. He used to blame it on my weight gain, the house is messy, he’s too tired . . . Finally he admitted that he has trouble getting it up. He’s in his mid 50s, a long-time smoker, and diabetic. I clicked on this page because I was hoping someone had some ideas. Instead I feel that I have advice:
1. There are likely deeper issues there. See if you can get some alone time to tell him how much you love him and let him know you want to know what’s REALLY going on.
2. Get him to a doctor if you can. Diabetes, high blood pressure, low testosterone, high stress, obesity, and many other conditions may make it difficult or impossible for him to perform.
3. Be patient. Sometimes I think of how I would handle things if my husband was paralyzed or otherwise truly unable to have sex. I would still stick with him because I love him.

I hope some of this is helpful. I have gotten to the point where I’ve been turned down for sex so many times that it’s hard to try anymore, but I won’t give up. I love him too much to allow lack of sex to ruin a good thing.