Your Call: My Husband Isn’t Interested in Sex with Me

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Help! I’ve been married to my husband 5 years (6 years dating) and our sex life …well, let’s just say I don’t think I can ever win. #1 we have sex once every 3 months…if I’m lucky. He’s always tired, headache, or any other number of reasons why he can’t. When we do have sex it’s in one position only, no foreplay, and once he’s “done”…he rolls over and goes to sleep.

Now, you have to understand that I want sex everyday all day, but it’s been so long we’ve struggled with this that I’m to the point I don’t look at him “like that” any more. I think if he came in right now naked, cock swinging…I could walk away….easily (because I know how it’s going to end).

I love my husband but I don’t know how to get things back on track anymore. I’ve talked to him about this so many times and he just says he’s going to “work on it.” He doesn’t want to talk about it or get any help. He says he loves me, but I feel it’s more like a “friendship” love more than anything else.

I also have to tell you when we were dating it was a long distance relationship, he is a Marine and was stationed in all kind of places. When we did see each other we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. I told him so many times about my sex appetite and he never had a problem with it….when we got married….immediatly I could see the difference in our appetites and he immediately stopped trying to “impress” in the bedroom.

We have 2 children (the first one we planned and for 1 month had tons of sex…as soon as I found out i was prego…it stopped). Our 2nd happened when I was drinking and basically jumped him….I found out I was prego and didn’t have sex for about 10 months. I’m so tired. He’s a great dad, provider and friend. But our lack of intimacy is killing this relationship and he doesn’t even acknowledge it. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

— Sexless in Seattle

What should S.I.S. do? Let her know in the comments section below.


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26 Comments on "Your Call: My Husband Isn’t Interested in Sex with Me"

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My bf and i have been together for almost 2 years ….this time. We have known each other for about 11 years and dated 2 times before. This time around in tbe beginning we had sex like crazy. Then oops….pregnant….sex stopped then We lost the baby….that was over a year ago. And i can honestly say we have had sex only 4 times in the ladt year ( and not ling enough for me) ….. He gets bjs almost daily. And sometimes while doing this for him i am helping myself. After he climaxes i ask him to help me… Read more »

Maybe see if another woman has been satisfying your husband’s sexual needs? … just a possibility but don’t get upset yet before you have evidence. If his sex drive used to be high, and now he’s fine with sex every 3 months and not that into it, it might be suspicious. For men’s biological makeup, usually they’ll be craving for sex after one or two weeks if they haven’t had sex. Every man is different, depending on the level of his testosterone and thus libido.

I have been married 10 years and am sick of always “begging” for sex. I am to the point where I am way too young to let someone that has an issue with sex on his part for me to just “settle” because we are married. I am filing for a divorce and will just date and have as much sex as I can until I don’t want it anymore. It’s a bunch of crap that people tell you “it’s not your fault but have you tried to do…..” blah blah blah. Men are just lazy and don’t care if… Read more »

Agree I’m in same situation

same problem here:( however we have been together 15months. when we were first together, it was passionate and exciting! now he never initiates it, and when I do, he usually tries to put me off or its over in two mins. I know I’m not boring in bed, im almost a freak. I like to mix it up, I’m definitely not a sack and I love giving oral sex (sorry about details, just trying to give overview). I know my partner lives me very much and is definitely not cheating. he’s not gay and he is a great partner and… Read more »
Lisa R.

LEAVE NOW AND SAVE YOURSELF! Been there, done that, am happier now than when I second guessed everything and took all the blame. He is just not that into you, the end.



Went through this as well. Husband turned into roommate. 2 months ago I found out my husband had a porn addiction that stemmed from childhood and was happening throughout our entire 8 year relationship. If you google porn addiction it will inform you about all the signs. Check his browser history. Deleted? Just a thought of what it could be.

I am dealing with some of the same issues. My husband hardly ever wants to have sex. He used to blame it on my weight gain, the house is messy, he’s too tired . . . Finally he admitted that he has trouble getting it up. He’s in his mid 50s, a long-time smoker, and diabetic. I clicked on this page because I was hoping someone had some ideas. Instead I feel that I have advice: 1. There are likely deeper issues there. See if you can get some alone time to tell him how much you love him and… Read more »