9/6/12
My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. 

Hi, I am 25 and been with my husband for 8 years and married for 1 1/2 (we also have a toddler). I have to say first that I enjoy/love pleasing him, I get off by seeing him pleased which I think is how it should be. I’m not a selfish person in bed for sure. But he is.

He wants sex right away, no foreplay what so ever, and when he’s done apparently we’re both done. I have told him many times you need to be patient and get me ready for you at least! And he does for the next couple times, but then it just stops. He rarely goes down on me and it’s so frustrating! I want to be touched everywhere and be caressed from head to toe, which I know is normal! But he doesn’t touch me. I dont understand how he doesn’t want to fully satisfy me.

After having sex yesterday he climaxed and layed down while I just layed there craving more. I called him selfish for not making me orgasm and he said well gosh you just feel so good! (so pretty much I made him climax fast so I get punished by not climaxing myself) and turned the other way and the snoring started.

So what do I do? I finish myself off alone while he’s in bed. I feel like a teenager. I know he is turned on by me,  I definitely know that. He has a high sex drive but in a very selfish way. I don’t know if he’s scared to touch me or not sure what to do…? I tell him if he’s not sure what to do I’ll guide him but it always goes straight to sex and that’s it. We have sex around 2 to 3 times a week. The actual sex is great but I feel so unsatisfied.

I have actually started to think I need to get satisfied elsewhere and that scares me since I am a married woman. I want to threaten him when I’m mad about this issue but I guess that is the wrong approach. I just wish he WANTED to do all of this naturally, I dont get it: after 8 years I can count the times I have received oral sex and the times he has really said this is about you tonight and made me orgasm several times. I kind of feel bad for myself, but then again did I do this to myself? Is it my fault for letting this go on so long? I feel I look good, I’m young and have a decent body and fix myself up daily, which he seems to love. But slowly, by him not going down on me and not being totally all over me, it’s making me get a bit insecure when I know I shouldn’t be. It’s hard when I see guys looking at me and hitting on me and I have this husband at home that is afraid to just make me climax! I mean is it really that hard?

— Frustrated & Forlorn

What should F&F do? Let her know in the comments below.

 

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175 Comments on "My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm"

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Same
My husband and I have only been married for 5 months and we barely have sex anymore. He blames it on the fact that I’ll be on my period for a week or that he doesn’t feel good. When I say something and we have sex it doesn’t feel the same, I know he’s only doing it because I said something, I don’t want it to be like that. My last relationship I had a great sex partner, always made sure I was taken care of, he was a piece of shit but always made sure my sexual needs were… Read more »
Michael

I always give my wife her orgasm first. She loves for me to give her oral while massaging her g spot. Explain to your husband that you are needing someone who will take the time to explore your body and please you. Tell him how it makes you feel to have to please yourself. Hopefully he will understand how important this is to you. If not, you may have to explore other options. Good luck!

Randy

I’m 58 my wife is 56,I please her orally till she she reaches orgasm with or without toys.20years married.i can even make her squirt but she hates it,first woman ever.sorry he is so selfish,but your only here once so make your decision on your future soon.good luck I don’t think he will change but don’t let yourself suffer

Shan
I’ve read many of your comments and just like you all, I fall into the same category. But, how do we as women change this? The one man I only want to please me, my husband, 7 out of 10 times will organism and then maybe once every blue moon, try to help me achieve mine…as he’s trying not to fall asleep. It’s so frustrating. I can’t even put it into words how it makes me feel. A side of me just wants to stop making love to him because it’s hard to express such things like this to a… Read more »
Carol

This is my life. For years it was awful. Invested in some toys and he was happy for a few times, now it is the same. He goes to sleep and I’m awake for the night. Many nights I end up just crying because of how it all went down. I have told him how I feel and he will make a passive remark back.

lea

Good luck. Married 25 years. Husband stopped caring after my first child came . No foreplay and no clitoral stimulation. Got upset and tried to tell him. ….Same result as op , that he tried the next two times half heartedly. Told him a second time & then it was like I was forcing him to do something he could care less about being bothered with. Got angry and demanded that I be included and not left frustrated. Was told … Not my problem, figure it out for yourself.

Bored
I’ve read so many of these comments it’s scary, I too am in the same position married 6 years together 8. I didn’t know men can be so uninterested in good sex. I thought they all went crazy for a woman who wants to be naked around them and experiment. It’s like my husband has no clue what’s happening if I even give him great foreplay. He couldn’t care less how good I blow him (and we know there are good and bad bj’s) as long as that 20 seconds where he comes happens the rest doesn’t matter. My husband… Read more »
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