My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. 

Hi, I am 25 and been with my husband for 8 years and married for 1 1/2 (we also have a toddler). I have to say first that I enjoy/love pleasing him, I get off by seeing him pleased which I think is how it should be. I’m not a selfish person in bed for sure. But he is.

He wants sex right away, no foreplay what so ever, and when he’s done apparently we’re both done. I have told him many times you need to be patient and get me ready for you at least! And he does for the next couple times, but then it just stops. He rarely goes down on me and it’s so frustrating! I want to be touched everywhere and be caressed from head to toe, which I know is normal! But he doesn’t touch me. I dont understand how he doesn’t want to fully satisfy me.

After having sex yesterday he climaxed and layed down while I just layed there craving more. I called him selfish for not making me orgasm and he said well gosh you just feel so good! (so pretty much I made him climax fast so I get punished by not climaxing myself) and turned the other way and the snoring started.

So what do I do? I finish myself off alone while he’s in bed. I feel like a teenager. I know he is turned on by me,  I definitely know that. He has a high sex drive but in a very selfish way. I don’t know if he’s scared to touch me or not sure what to do…? I tell him if he’s not sure what to do I’ll guide him but it always goes straight to sex and that’s it. We have sex around 2 to 3 times a week. The actual sex is great but I feel so unsatisfied.

I have actually started to think I need to get satisfied elsewhere and that scares me since I am a married woman. I want to threaten him when I’m mad about this issue but I guess that is the wrong approach. I just wish he WANTED to do all of this naturally, I dont get it: after 8 years I can count the times I have received oral sex and the times he has really said this is about you tonight and made me orgasm several times. I kind of feel bad for myself, but then again did I do this to myself? Is it my fault for letting this go on so long? I feel I look good, I’m young and have a decent body and fix myself up daily, which he seems to love. But slowly, by him not going down on me and not being totally all over me, it’s making me get a bit insecure when I know I shouldn’t be. It’s hard when I see guys looking at me and hitting on me and I have this husband at home that is afraid to just make me climax! I mean is it really that hard?

— Frustrated & Forlorn

What should F&F do? Let her know in the comments below.




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83 Comments on "My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm"

Mrs. Mac
14 days 20 hours ago

I’m right there with you. I feel like there is something wrong with me, but I know there’s not because it’s never been a problem before.
I’ve said something to my husband multiple times over the 7 years we have been together and still nothing. Each time we’ve discussed it, it turns into an argument, and he turns it around on me somehow.
I’m at a breaking point now. There is so much built up frustration. I just can’t take the loneliness.

14 days 12 hours ago

Just read this and WOW its like reading about myself. I also feel lonely ans sexually frustrated as i too do not feel satisfied. I am at my wits end and i am going to speak to a counsellor tomorrow by myself

16 days 7 hours ago

I would not allow him to climax. Just pull him out before he climaxes and then you masturbate in front of him until you have an orgasm. If he wants more, hand him the lube and tell him to handle himself. Roll over and you go to sleep. He’s being very selfish and lazy. You are allowing it to happen so that means you have the power to stop it. Stand up for yourself.

20 days 6 hours ago

I can relate. My husband doesn’t even try, or offer up a reason why he doesn’t . Perfect example…last night. I initiate sex, I give him oral sex, he doesn’t even try to hold back, he orgasms within 3 minutes, and then , he rolls over and hugs me, and just lays there. I wait, thinking, ok, maybe this time he will try. Nope, nothing. I lay there at 11:58 pm fuming inside and incredibly frustrated. Yes, I have talked with him about this during other times, not while in the bedroom. Still, nothing. I just don’t get it. I want to please him. Why doesn’t he care about pleasing me ??

22 days 18 hours ago

In my opinion you should drive the lesson home by withholding sex until he learns to fulfill your needs first. Stay strong in that no matter what, and don’t allow him to orgasm unless you do too, and preferably first.

13 days 5 hours ago

I’ve been doing that now for over 30 days. He still hasn’t touched me.

13 days 5 hours ago

Does he know why you’re withholding sex? Meaning, did you make it clear to him that there’s no sex until he pays attention to your orgasm? Or does he maybe think you’re just not that into sex right now?

27 days 12 hours ago

Okay, I’m going to be the one to say this: Is anyone else thinking that this is just what happens when you marry the guy you meet at 17, and have a kid at 22 or 23? Deb is right in a way — this guy IS a boy still. 25 year olds still have SO much to learn about how to be good in bed, and most of them learn this over a 10-plus-year period of being single/dating around… i.e. when they hear something from enough women over the years, they finally believe it. I know this isn’t particularly useful in this case, but I felt it had to be said.

14 days 12 hours ago

I totally agree. I have been with my husband since i was 15 he was 16. I think this is what to expect