9/6/12
My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. 

Hi, I am 25 and been with my husband for 8 years and married for 1 1/2 (we also have a toddler). I have to say first that I enjoy/love pleasing him, I get off by seeing him pleased which I think is how it should be. I’m not a selfish person in bed for sure. But he is.

He wants sex right away, no foreplay what so ever, and when he’s done apparently we’re both done. I have told him many times you need to be patient and get me ready for you at least! And he does for the next couple times, but then it just stops. He rarely goes down on me and it’s so frustrating! I want to be touched everywhere and be caressed from head to toe, which I know is normal! But he doesn’t touch me. I dont understand how he doesn’t want to fully satisfy me.

After having sex yesterday he climaxed and layed down while I just layed there craving more. I called him selfish for not making me orgasm and he said well gosh you just feel so good! (so pretty much I made him climax fast so I get punished by not climaxing myself) and turned the other way and the snoring started.

So what do I do? I finish myself off alone while he’s in bed. I feel like a teenager. I know he is turned on by me,  I definitely know that. He has a high sex drive but in a very selfish way. I don’t know if he’s scared to touch me or not sure what to do…? I tell him if he’s not sure what to do I’ll guide him but it always goes straight to sex and that’s it. We have sex around 2 to 3 times a week. The actual sex is great but I feel so unsatisfied.

I have actually started to think I need to get satisfied elsewhere and that scares me since I am a married woman. I want to threaten him when I’m mad about this issue but I guess that is the wrong approach. I just wish he WANTED to do all of this naturally, I dont get it: after 8 years I can count the times I have received oral sex and the times he has really said this is about you tonight and made me orgasm several times. I kind of feel bad for myself, but then again did I do this to myself? Is it my fault for letting this go on so long? I feel I look good, I’m young and have a decent body and fix myself up daily, which he seems to love. But slowly, by him not going down on me and not being totally all over me, it’s making me get a bit insecure when I know I shouldn’t be. It’s hard when I see guys looking at me and hitting on me and I have this husband at home that is afraid to just make me climax! I mean is it really that hard?

— Frustrated & Forlorn

What should F&F do? Let her know in the comments below.

 

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138 Comments on "My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm"

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dissatisfied in bed
dissatisfied in bed
2 days 17 hours ago
You are NOT alone. I’ve been with my husband 9 years, married 8. I’ve NEVER had an orgasm. Not even close. There’s never any foreplay. He gets on top, then he’s done. I’m left laying there dissatisfied. I’ve talked to him several times as well, and he just blows me off. He acts as if it’s all good. I love my hubs, but I’m over waiting for a satisfying sex life. I’m ready to just close up “shop” and deny him the benefit of sex. He’s not a cheater, so I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m not going… Read more »
Dis Satisfied
13 days 15 hours ago
I’m dealing with the same same thing. I’ve had very fulfilling sexual relationships in the past, but my current lover (who claims to have pleased over 100 women) doesn’t even try to satisfy me. I’ve tried (and tried and tried until I feel like a broken record) telling him what my hot buttons are. He’s told me that he’s okay with masturbating to please himself until I can come the way he wants me to (basically, through penetration only). He claims I’m “throwing it in his face” when I explain to him that I always please him to complete satisfaction.… Read more »
Gabby
1 month 19 days ago
Ugh!!! I have this same problem!!! My husband and I have been together 4 years married quickly had children and even when we get alone time and Nana takes the children for the weekend he is all about me pleasuring him and I don’t mind that because I love doing it but he doesn’t reciprocate the same pleasuring back he just jumps on me and granted, the sex is great but once he’s done “I’m supposed to be done too” … I don’t know how to approach this without shooting his ego to the ground or making him feel inadequate…… Read more »
Sarah
Sarah
2 months 1 day ago
My husband and I have been married almost 12 yrs. We were 18 and19 and had kids immediately. We have five altogether now. Over the years we’ve had good sex, and not so good sex. But a lot plays into why I’ve been so unsatisfied this entire marriage. The first seven years he was very controlling, very possessive and would accuse me of cheating daily. He also abused me emotionally and even physically. We worked thru those horrible years and he’s better now, except he’s still a bit selfish in bed and I’m still not confident enough to speak to… Read more »
Melissa
Melissa
2 months 5 days ago

My boyfriend is the same way. He expects oral sex every time we’re together, but he never cares about making me feel good. He acts like it’s no big deal and it’s really frustrating. I want to be pleasured just like he does!

BrandonF
BrandonF
2 months 23 days ago

My wife does not like me going down on her she says it’s unnatural. I love going down on women. It turns me on so much. Something is wrong with your husband not you.

BrandonF
BrandonF
2 months 23 days ago

I love giving oral

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