9/6/12
My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. 

Hi, I am 25 and been with my husband for 8 years and married for 1 1/2 (we also have a toddler). I have to say first that I enjoy/love pleasing him, I get off by seeing him pleased which I think is how it should be. I’m not a selfish person in bed for sure. But he is.

He wants sex right away, no foreplay what so ever, and when he’s done apparently we’re both done. I have told him many times you need to be patient and get me ready for you at least! And he does for the next couple times, but then it just stops. He rarely goes down on me and it’s so frustrating! I want to be touched everywhere and be caressed from head to toe, which I know is normal! But he doesn’t touch me. I dont understand how he doesn’t want to fully satisfy me.

After having sex yesterday he climaxed and layed down while I just layed there craving more. I called him selfish for not making me orgasm and he said well gosh you just feel so good! (so pretty much I made him climax fast so I get punished by not climaxing myself) and turned the other way and the snoring started.

So what do I do? I finish myself off alone while he’s in bed. I feel like a teenager. I know he is turned on by me,  I definitely know that. He has a high sex drive but in a very selfish way. I don’t know if he’s scared to touch me or not sure what to do…? I tell him if he’s not sure what to do I’ll guide him but it always goes straight to sex and that’s it. We have sex around 2 to 3 times a week. The actual sex is great but I feel so unsatisfied.

I have actually started to think I need to get satisfied elsewhere and that scares me since I am a married woman. I want to threaten him when I’m mad about this issue but I guess that is the wrong approach. I just wish he WANTED to do all of this naturally, I dont get it: after 8 years I can count the times I have received oral sex and the times he has really said this is about you tonight and made me orgasm several times. I kind of feel bad for myself, but then again did I do this to myself? Is it my fault for letting this go on so long? I feel I look good, I’m young and have a decent body and fix myself up daily, which he seems to love. But slowly, by him not going down on me and not being totally all over me, it’s making me get a bit insecure when I know I shouldn’t be. It’s hard when I see guys looking at me and hitting on me and I have this husband at home that is afraid to just make me climax! I mean is it really that hard?

— Frustrated & Forlorn

What should F&F do? Let her know in the comments below.

 

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151 Comments on "My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm"

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Tanja
Tanja
2 days 22 hours ago

Wow , that sounds like my ex husband. We’d been together for around ten years.
I’m very happy we broke up ( he wasn’t just selfish in bed). My sexlife is so much better now. My current boyfriend makes sure I come multiple times , squirt and have the time of my life. I would never settle for anything less than I deserve, again. A partnership is also about satisfying certain needs. Especially when it comes to sex.

Charlie
Charlie
15 days 14 hours ago
This is my life. I’ve got to the point where when I think about this too long I could cry. I love my boyfriend and he’s perfect in every way but that. I’ve told him a million times but he gives me the puppy dog eyes and I feel guilty and he then makes a massive thing of trying and it being such hard work that then no matter what he does I can’t come anyway cos I feel repulsive because I feel like he’s made a massive thing about having to touch me! We used to have amazing sex,… Read more »
Lyndsey
Lyndsey
2 days 12 hours ago

This is the state me and my partner have gotten to. I really don’t know what to do and feel like it is just going to end up with us both having affairs which I don’t want to happen since we have a family together.

MEK
1 month 5 days ago
Married 21 years. There were a couple of years when vaginal intercourse was excruciatingly painful, even as much as unprepared anal. Even with a whole bottle of lube. Never mind that my husband never really puts any time or effort into foreplay to help me become aroused. He just makes a vague, half-hearted show of it. Really, it’s just his way of nonverbally asking for sex. Anyway, during times when I’m having vaginal pain, he’ll still continue until he orgasms. To be fair I don’t tell him to stop, I just wince and try to scoot away (try to suppress… Read more »
Katinka
Katinka
1 month 28 days ago

Sounds exactly like my story. Only difference not even the sex is staisfying. Cause it hurts, because I’m never ready for him to enter. Obviously … Unless I do oral on him and he climaxes. That turns me on as well. But well then it’s too late. He will turn around and think I’m satisfied …. Hmmm

Carmela
Carmela
2 months 6 days ago

Communication is the key. Talk to him about this over a nice meal and choose a day when he’s receptive of your honest thoughts.

Lyndsey
Lyndsey
2 days 12 hours ago

I’ve told my husband multiple times now and I am fresh and shave and he still does nothing. Drives me nuts.

Haley Birch
Haley Birch
1 month 28 days ago

I tried that with my husband and every time I talk to him, he’ll do it maybe once or twice, but like she said..he just goes right back to being selfish. Then he somehow manages to make you look like the bad guy by saying “I’ve been trying!” Or “I’ve been stressed”.

dissatisfied in bed
dissatisfied in bed
2 months 10 days ago
You are NOT alone. I’ve been with my husband 9 years, married 8. I’ve NEVER had an orgasm. Not even close. There’s never any foreplay. He gets on top, then he’s done. I’m left laying there dissatisfied. I’ve talked to him several times as well, and he just blows me off. He acts as if it’s all good. I love my hubs, but I’m over waiting for a satisfying sex life. I’m ready to just close up “shop” and deny him the benefit of sex. He’s not a cheater, so I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m not going… Read more »
Haley Birch
Haley Birch
1 month 28 days ago

You sound just like me…why do men have to be selfish and lazy like this? I swear my husband just don’t THINK about it. Its like he’s oblivious to his actions. And it’s not just the sex. He’s so immature and irresponsible.

Dis Satisfied
2 months 21 days ago
I’m dealing with the same same thing. I’ve had very fulfilling sexual relationships in the past, but my current lover (who claims to have pleased over 100 women) doesn’t even try to satisfy me. I’ve tried (and tried and tried until I feel like a broken record) telling him what my hot buttons are. He’s told me that he’s okay with masturbating to please himself until I can come the way he wants me to (basically, through penetration only). He claims I’m “throwing it in his face” when I explain to him that I always please him to complete satisfaction.… Read more »
Haley Birch
Haley Birch
1 month 28 days ago
I’ve been trying to spice things up lately by dressing up for him and doing new stuff for him and basically putting on a “slut” or “seductrice” act and he does enjoy it and thanks me, but do I get anything back? No. And then when I say something about it, either all of a sudden he wants to do it for me then when I’m pissed and then gets mad when I say no, or he claims that he was going to last night, but it was MY fault he didn’t. It drives me crazy. And I’ve been fighting… Read more »
Butterfly
Butterfly
2 months 6 days ago

In my humble opinion, if your husband has cheated on you, I think it might not be a good idea to continue to be with him. Or otherwise, you could’ve found another man to satisfy your sexual needs, and continue to be with him if you prefer, but then this relationship wouldn’t be any good if each partner is cheating on each other and don’t communicate well about sex.

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