9/6/12
My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. 

Hi, I am 25 and been with my husband for 8 years and married for 1 1/2 (we also have a toddler). I have to say first that I enjoy/love pleasing him, I get off by seeing him pleased which I think is how it should be. I’m not a selfish person in bed for sure. But he is.

He wants sex right away, no foreplay what so ever, and when he’s done apparently we’re both done. I have told him many times you need to be patient and get me ready for you at least! And he does for the next couple times, but then it just stops. He rarely goes down on me and it’s so frustrating! I want to be touched everywhere and be caressed from head to toe, which I know is normal! But he doesn’t touch me. I dont understand how he doesn’t want to fully satisfy me.

After having sex yesterday he climaxed and layed down while I just layed there craving more. I called him selfish for not making me orgasm and he said well gosh you just feel so good! (so pretty much I made him climax fast so I get punished by not climaxing myself) and turned the other way and the snoring started.

So what do I do? I finish myself off alone while he’s in bed. I feel like a teenager. I know he is turned on by me,  I definitely know that. He has a high sex drive but in a very selfish way. I don’t know if he’s scared to touch me or not sure what to do…? I tell him if he’s not sure what to do I’ll guide him but it always goes straight to sex and that’s it. We have sex around 2 to 3 times a week. The actual sex is great but I feel so unsatisfied.

I have actually started to think I need to get satisfied elsewhere and that scares me since I am a married woman. I want to threaten him when I’m mad about this issue but I guess that is the wrong approach. I just wish he WANTED to do all of this naturally, I dont get it: after 8 years I can count the times I have received oral sex and the times he has really said this is about you tonight and made me orgasm several times. I kind of feel bad for myself, but then again did I do this to myself? Is it my fault for letting this go on so long? I feel I look good, I’m young and have a decent body and fix myself up daily, which he seems to love. But slowly, by him not going down on me and not being totally all over me, it’s making me get a bit insecure when I know I shouldn’t be. It’s hard when I see guys looking at me and hitting on me and I have this husband at home that is afraid to just make me climax! I mean is it really that hard?

— Frustrated & Forlorn

What should F&F do? Let her know in the comments below.

 

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106 Comments on "My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm"


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Anon
1 month 15 days ago

There is no cure for this. I am married to the same type of jerk. Any man who doesn’t care that his woman is pleased in bed is a selfish jerk. That nonsense statement of ” oh you just turn me on so much, that’s why I climaxed in two minutes” is an excuse. They can hold off and try to please you if they want to, they just choose not to do so. It seems that men like this are also sexist, and see women as their pure little lady or whores. They don’t want their wives to enjoy… Read more »

Hassan
2 months 5 days ago

As a Muslim I am obliged first to have sex with my wife up to her satisfaction. I am also obliged not to hurry so that my wife orgasm as equal as I do, otherwise I will be breaching the contract of marriage. On the other hand, I thing going down and sucking clitoris or pussy , sucking dick is something differ from one partner to another, as it relates to the place an cleanness, but this does not apply if done with hand or fingers. As wife and husband, such matter can be solved amicably. It is unwise to… Read more »

an
2 months 16 days ago

My husband has the same problem! Its very frustrating! I hate to think that he’s just cold hearted and selfish but its probably true! I am very giving in bed I do everything he wants and enjoy pleasing him. But I have recently decided to try something I am not going to give him sex unless he inspires it by eating my pussy massage and putting my needs first I have tried before to do this but have always gave in but this time I hope its different. And I hope that by doing this I can inspire some changes… Read more »

lovely
2 months 21 days ago

I recently broke up with a boyfriend whose behavior was just like what is described in the article. In the 2 years we were together, he only went down on me twice after I basically begged him to, and I didn’t come because he didn’t know what what the hell he was doing. I had even sent him web links with tips on how to go down on a woman, but I could tell he never bothered reading them. Sex generally consisted of him lying there and waiting for me to start caressing, kissing, and going down on him. I… Read more »

Ashley
3 months 4 days ago

Break it off. Find a man that cares just as much about your sexual pleasure as his own. That’s extemely selfish and I wouldn’t tolerate it

Johnny
3 months 15 days ago

If there’s one difference I’ve noticed between the experience of unfucked male/female partners, it’s this:

Women report that their lazy, selfish male partners use them as human masturbatory aids, like a Realdoll. Men report that their lazy, selfish female partners stop having sex with them altogether, except when she occasionally lies there and assumes the role of Realdoll just to shut him up about it.

Johnny
3 months 15 days ago

This topic clearly resonates with a lot of people. Not to be a downer here, but I’ve gotta say, I’ve never seen a relationship recover from this. Admittedly I talk to men about this more than women, but this seems like one where who’s a man and who’s a woman doesn’t matter. The problem is the same: one partner is sexually lazy and selfish, and the other is frustrated and unfulfilled. I suppose every couple has sexual peaks and valleys, rallies and slumps, etc. But when sex comes to a grinding halt and stays that way, with no end to… Read more »

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