My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm

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Hi, I am 25 and been with my husband for 8 years and married for 1 1/2 (we also have a toddler). I have to say first that I enjoy/love pleasing him, I get off by seeing him pleased which I think is how it should be. I’m not a selfish person in bed for sure. But he is.

He wants sex right away, no foreplay what so ever, and when he’s done apparently we’re both done. I have told him many times you need to be patient and get me ready for you at least! And he does for the next couple times, but then it just stops. He rarely goes down on me and it’s so frustrating! I want to be touched everywhere and be caressed from head to toe, which I know is normal! But he doesn’t touch me. I dont understand how he doesn’t want to fully satisfy me.

After having sex yesterday he climaxed and layed down while I just layed there craving more. I called him selfish for not making me orgasm and he said well gosh you just feel so good! (so pretty much I made him climax fast so I get punished by not climaxing myself) and turned the other way and the snoring started.

So what do I do? I finish myself off alone while he’s in bed. I feel like a teenager. I know he is turned on by me,  I definitely know that. He has a high sex drive but in a very selfish way. I don’t know if he’s scared to touch me or not sure what to do…? I tell him if he’s not sure what to do I’ll guide him but it always goes straight to sex and that’s it. We have sex around 2 to 3 times a week. The actual sex is great but I feel so unsatisfied.

I have actually started to think I need to get satisfied elsewhere and that scares me since I am a married woman. I want to threaten him when I’m mad about this issue but I guess that is the wrong approach. I just wish he WANTED to do all of this naturally, I dont get it: after 8 years I can count the times I have received oral sex and the times he has really said this is about you tonight and made me orgasm several times. I kind of feel bad for myself, but then again did I do this to myself? Is it my fault for letting this go on so long? I feel I look good, I’m young and have a decent body and fix myself up daily, which he seems to love. But slowly, by him not going down on me and not being totally all over me, it’s making me get a bit insecure when I know I shouldn’t be. It’s hard when I see guys looking at me and hitting on me and I have this husband at home that is afraid to just make me climax! I mean is it really that hard?

— Frustrated & Forlorn

What should F&F do? Let her know in the comments below.




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172 Comments on "My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm"

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I’ve read many of your comments and just like you all, I fall into the same category. But, how do we as women change this? The one man I only want to please me, my husband, 7 out of 10 times will organism and then maybe once every blue moon, try to help me achieve mine…as he’s trying not to fall asleep. It’s so frustrating. I can’t even put it into words how it makes me feel. A side of me just wants to stop making love to him because it’s hard to express such things like this to a… Read more »

This is my life. For years it was awful. Invested in some toys and he was happy for a few times, now it is the same. He goes to sleep and I’m awake for the night. Many nights I end up just crying because of how it all went down. I have told him how I feel and he will make a passive remark back.


Good luck. Married 25 years. Husband stopped caring after my first child came . No foreplay and no clitoral stimulation. Got upset and tried to tell him. ….Same result as op , that he tried the next two times half heartedly. Told him a second time & then it was like I was forcing him to do something he could care less about being bothered with. Got angry and demanded that I be included and not left frustrated. Was told … Not my problem, figure it out for yourself.

I’ve read so many of these comments it’s scary, I too am in the same position married 6 years together 8. I didn’t know men can be so uninterested in good sex. I thought they all went crazy for a woman who wants to be naked around them and experiment. It’s like my husband has no clue what’s happening if I even give him great foreplay. He couldn’t care less how good I blow him (and we know there are good and bad bj’s) as long as that 20 seconds where he comes happens the rest doesn’t matter. My husband… Read more »
My husband of almost 2 years does the same thing. I don’t know if I’d call it selfish, I have a good time when we are having sex but then he’s done and I’m still wanting more. Not every time but enough. When I finally got up the courage to insist that we do it again, he seemed hurt. Then got defensive when I insisted. He genuinely seemed sorry he couldn’t do it again no matter how much I tried to turn him back on… when he’s done, he’s totally done for the night. I don’t know. Is that normal?… Read more »
You worry of his feelings. Same here I worry more of my husband feeling more than my own, in turn I end up frustrated and still not getting my needs met. Married 18 years and the length of sex has gotten way better but even with me telling him what I like and dont & how to do it and literally trying to show him how I do please myself. There is no interest in him ensuring I am happy in the end. It is him getting off that matters most to him. He made a remark to me few… Read more »

Wow , that sounds like my ex husband. We’d been together for around ten years.
I’m very happy we broke up ( he wasn’t just selfish in bed). My sexlife is so much better now. My current boyfriend makes sure I come multiple times , squirt and have the time of my life. I would never settle for anything less than I deserve, again. A partnership is also about satisfying certain needs. Especially when it comes to sex.

This is my life. I’ve got to the point where when I think about this too long I could cry. I love my boyfriend and he’s perfect in every way but that. I’ve told him a million times but he gives me the puppy dog eyes and I feel guilty and he then makes a massive thing of trying and it being such hard work that then no matter what he does I can’t come anyway cos I feel repulsive because I feel like he’s made a massive thing about having to touch me! We used to have amazing sex,… Read more »

This is the state me and my partner have gotten to. I really don’t know what to do and feel like it is just going to end up with us both having affairs which I don’t want to happen since we have a family together.