My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. 

Hi, I am 25 and been with my husband for 8 years and married for 1 1/2 (we also have a toddler). I have to say first that I enjoy/love pleasing him, I get off by seeing him pleased which I think is how it should be. I’m not a selfish person in bed for sure. But he is.

He wants sex right away, no foreplay what so ever, and when he’s done apparently we’re both done. I have told him many times you need to be patient and get me ready for you at least! And he does for the next couple times, but then it just stops. He rarely goes down on me and it’s so frustrating! I want to be touched everywhere and be caressed from head to toe, which I know is normal! But he doesn’t touch me. I dont understand how he doesn’t want to fully satisfy me.

After having sex yesterday he climaxed and layed down while I just layed there craving more. I called him selfish for not making me orgasm and he said well gosh you just feel so good! (so pretty much I made him climax fast so I get punished by not climaxing myself) and turned the other way and the snoring started.

So what do I do? I finish myself off alone while he’s in bed. I feel like a teenager. I know he is turned on by me,  I definitely know that. He has a high sex drive but in a very selfish way. I don’t know if he’s scared to touch me or not sure what to do…? I tell him if he’s not sure what to do I’ll guide him but it always goes straight to sex and that’s it. We have sex around 2 to 3 times a week. The actual sex is great but I feel so unsatisfied.

I have actually started to think I need to get satisfied elsewhere and that scares me since I am a married woman. I want to threaten him when I’m mad about this issue but I guess that is the wrong approach. I just wish he WANTED to do all of this naturally, I dont get it: after 8 years I can count the times I have received oral sex and the times he has really said this is about you tonight and made me orgasm several times. I kind of feel bad for myself, but then again did I do this to myself? Is it my fault for letting this go on so long? I feel I look good, I’m young and have a decent body and fix myself up daily, which he seems to love. But slowly, by him not going down on me and not being totally all over me, it’s making me get a bit insecure when I know I shouldn’t be. It’s hard when I see guys looking at me and hitting on me and I have this husband at home that is afraid to just make me climax! I mean is it really that hard?

— Frustrated & Forlorn

What should F&F do? Let her know in the comments below.




Say Something

122 Comments on "My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm"


Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
25 days 11 hours ago
Hi there. I’m in a similar sort of situation. I have been with my partner just short of five years, we do have a great sex life there’s no denying that but there always feels like there’s something missing. He always recieves some sort of pleasure, be that oral or a hand job before sex is actually fully initiated. But when it comes to myself, I’m just left there to grab the lube and put it on him. He’s explained before that he doesnt enjoy oral, which is absolutely fine! But there’s no touching involved, I have a selection of… Read more »
1 month 11 days ago

Don’t let him put it in until he’s satisfied you first. The wait will drive him crazy and the sex will be better and you get your pay off.

1 month 20 days ago
Oh my….same with me.My husband Muslim as well.First year all was fine but I felt he doesn’t care much to give me oral sex but was quite active. ..meantime he became more religious and we r on that stage when no any oral sex (I’m not allowed to do that either)no hand job…years was in arguing about sex…I got the answer -I should have orgasm by intercourse no other ways.Simply that. …I read about muslims some group say oral sex not allowed. ..some say yes…how pity my husband belonging to the wrong group.I’m really fed up to satisfied myself for… Read more »
1 month 22 days ago

Im in the same boat but the other way around.. Despite when we do have sex we both climax.. Sometimes she is wanting more.. But when I make her skirm to the climax.. I have to stop. Because she feels socks. Can’t handle anymore.. I’m not an animal at least I don’t think I am.. But if she climaxed many times the least she could do is make sure I can sleep soundly without having the doubt she could of done more ..

1 month 27 days ago
This guy I am seeing is really affectionate, loves cuddling and is a great kisser but he won’t even try and make me come. He’s gone down on me once (didn’t come) and I can’t count how many times I’ve given him head. The other night I gave him head he came and nothing for me. Next morning I gave him head again to try and get some but nope, nothing. He came and then got up and left me there craving more. So I finished myself off. I was not impressed with this behaviour as my ex would always… Read more »
3 months 5 days ago
I have been married for over 20 years and I now have the man of my dreams. It wasn’t always like that though. We had a great relationship and good sex, but he could be selfish at times. In the early years, if I said something to him about him not satisfying me, he would turn it around and make me feel like the selfish one. I finally got wise and realized we had a communication problem. I was determined to have him see it my way. It just wasn’t right that I was always concerned with pleasing him, but… Read more »
3 months 18 days ago

Hi very good