Your Call (Oooh, This Is a Good One!): Should I Tell Her He’s Cheating on Her?


We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Dear Em & Lo,

I’m having a moral crisis.  I met someone on craigslist a few months ago.  The nature of the relationship was that we both wanted a FWB situation.  The sex was fantastic!  I eventually got curious about this man, looked him up, and discovered he had a girlfriend.  I promptly ended our lusty relationship (my sister’s boyfriend cheated on her – she was devastated).  Now all I can think about is telling the girlfriend what a cheating d-bag her boyfriend is.  My rationale: I would want to know if it were me!  Should I do this?  Or stay out of it?

— The Messenger

What should The Messenger do? Let her know in the comments below. 


Say Something

29 Comments on "Your Call (Oooh, This Is a Good One!): Should I Tell Her He’s Cheating on Her?"

Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted

Relationships are complicated and you don’t know if she knows but doesn’t care, or chooses to turn a blind eye for whatever reason, etc. Just because you wld want to know doesn’t mean that she does.
I’m sure she’s aware of it, on some level, at least. Regardless, their relationship is none of your business.

Jake Baker

I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been cheated on before. The reality is, he’s going to get caught, he’s going to slip up in a lie eventually. Do not take the heat or personal responsibility to do that. It will do you, him, or her no good long or short run. It’s not your call, because you may not know their situation to begin with. They may actually be friends or in a type of relationship that allows flexibility. Don’t get caught up in it, and focus on moving to someone better.


If the shoe were on the other foot! If my gal was cheating on me, I WOULD want to know. I would not want to know who he was, but I would want to know.

I am in a serious relationship, and I have to say I would appreciate the woman telling me if my boyfriend was cheating on me. We need to stick together and stand by each other. He made it your business when he chose to include you in his life when he was with someone else. All of this its too messy etc you don’t know her, well so what im pretty sure no one would want to waste their time with a cheating liar. Tell her so she can find a nice boyfriend. He is also putting her health at… Read more »

I think you only have an obligation to expose someone if its an immediate family member such as a brother in law or something of that nature.. If its a friend.. Try to broach the subject with the friend. .then ask.. IF I KNEW SO AND SO was having an affair with someone else.. WOULD YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU>? IF yes. .then say BRACE YOURSELF.. and do it.. Dont do it with everyone.. just very close people and know it may very well end your friendships… its so sensitive..

Mistress Susan
Messenger, I am a crime show fanatic. I can tell you that NOTHING good comes out of a cheating situation. Since you don’t know the woman, I would NOT tell because it can backfire. You are going under the assumption that the woman will “thank you.” That is NOT necessarily the case. You have to understand that some women blame the other woman, even if it is the man’s fault. Some women do NOT want to know their men are cheating because it is easier to turn a blind eye. You have done your part by quitting the relationship, let… Read more »
You’re being selfish. You want him to feel the pain and embarrassment that you now feel from this incedent. You have no obligation to ruin a persons life because you are “pretending” to base it off of morals. You’re not the relationship police because you were lied to. You are mad at him, you want to get back at him and you think this is the way to do it. Do you think his lady and you are going to hang out for drink and pick up guys after this? I’m telling you right now, I would NOT want to… Read more »

I think your just afraid to be alone. And to say that you wouldn’t want to know is pretty sad. Your better than that and deserves someone who loves you. Imagine so money knows, they don’t tell you, the affair goes on for awhile, than one day you come home and she says it’s over I’m moving out right now. That would hurt more in my opinion.