Your Call (Oooh, This Is a Good One!): Should I Tell Her He’s Cheating on Her?


We get a lot of advice questions coming in at, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Dear Em & Lo,

I’m having a moral crisis.  I met someone on craigslist a few months ago.  The nature of the relationship was that we both wanted a FWB situation.  The sex was fantastic!  I eventually got curious about this man, looked him up, and discovered he had a girlfriend.  I promptly ended our lusty relationship (my sister’s boyfriend cheated on her – she was devastated).  Now all I can think about is telling the girlfriend what a cheating d-bag her boyfriend is.  My rationale: I would want to know if it were me!  Should I do this?  Or stay out of it?

— The Messenger

What should The Messenger do? Let her know in the comments below. 


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26 Comments on "Your Call (Oooh, This Is a Good One!): Should I Tell Her He’s Cheating on Her?"

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Jake Baker
2 months 19 days ago

I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been cheated on before. The reality is, he’s going to get caught, he’s going to slip up in a lie eventually. Do not take the heat or personal responsibility to do that. It will do you, him, or her no good long or short run. It’s not your call, because you may not know their situation to begin with. They may actually be friends or in a type of relationship that allows flexibility. Don’t get caught up in it, and focus on moving to someone better.

2 years 1 month ago

If the shoe were on the other foot! If my gal was cheating on me, I WOULD want to know. I would not want to know who he was, but I would want to know.

2 years 2 months ago

I am in a serious relationship, and I have to say I would appreciate the woman telling me if my boyfriend was cheating on me.
We need to stick together and stand by each other. He made it your business when he chose to include you in his life when he was with someone else. All of this its too messy etc you don’t know her, well so what im pretty sure no one would want to waste their time with a cheating liar. Tell her so she can find a nice boyfriend.

He is also putting her health at risk, if she is in a serious relationship she wont be getting checked regularly, he could catch something nasty and give it to her.

2 years 2 months ago

I think you only have an obligation to expose someone if its an immediate family member such as a brother in law or something of that nature.. If its a friend.. Try to broach the subject with the friend. .then ask.. IF I KNEW SO AND SO was having an affair with someone else.. WOULD YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU>? IF yes. .then say BRACE YOURSELF.. and do it.. Dont do it with everyone.. just very close people and know it may very well end your friendships… its so sensitive..

2 years 9 months ago

Messenger, I am a crime show fanatic. I can tell you that NOTHING good comes out of a cheating situation. Since you don’t know the woman, I would NOT tell because it can backfire.

You are going under the assumption that the woman will “thank you.” That is NOT necessarily the case. You have to understand that some women blame the other woman, even if it is the man’s fault. Some women do NOT want to know their men are cheating because it is easier to turn a blind eye. You have done your part by quitting the relationship, let Karma do the rest.