6/17/14
Your Call: Revenge on My Ex Didn’t Work, I Feel Worse Than Ever

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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.

Dear Em & Lo,

I (a man) was found by my married H.S. sweetheart. We hooked up, an old flame was reignited, and within a week we were planning our life together. Three months later, it turned sour for me as it seemed like she was stringing me along and never really planned on leaving her comfortable life with her husband.

I felt more disappointed than heartbroken and I sent her husband pics of us together and told him everything that had happened in those three months. Now it seems like she is happy and still with her husband and I am the one fucked over… even though I ended it with her.

I’m just pissed. I have never messed around with a married woman before and won’t be doing it again. Lots more to the story, but you get the jist of it. I am thinking about revenge, but don’t really want to because I feel that I already got my revenge. What should I do?

— Bitter Much

Do you have advice to share with Bitter Much on how he can move past his anger and disappointment? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.

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4 Comments on "Your Call: Revenge on My Ex Didn’t Work, I Feel Worse Than Ever"

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Lily
Lily
1 year 10 months ago
The creepy part about this letter is the revenge aspect. Don’t bother, doesn’t do you any good, is that negativity really what you want to put out there? We don’t ever get the revenge we want in our weaker moments. I get how getting attached to someone like this can happen if you have been alone for a long time and then someone comes along and you choose to believe in their promising words. Very human and natural! However, always good to remind oneself about the pragmatic side of things. In reality, this woman was married and almost always it… Read more »
Dave W
Dave W
1 year 10 months ago

I doubt that anyone could answer this question much better than Johnny did. It was really well-crafted.
I’ll just say that I’m all too familiar with this type of behavior. The pretzel logic and problematic points of view and all.
To Bitter Much: try taking an online test for personality disorders. And if you’re “good at taking tests”, have someone who knows you very well answer the questionnaire, but in a way that they think reflects your sentiments. It could be illuminating.

Johnny
Johnny
1 year 10 months ago

One more thing – this woman sounds like a bad person. It sounds like she is indeed jerking around every man in her life. I bet she’s beyond toxic and I feel bad for her husband.

… and yet the red flags were all there, flying high and snapping in the wind. You don’t blame a snake for biting. This situation was entirely within the OP’s control from the start. He just made a bunch of bad decisions.

Johnny
Johnny
1 year 10 months ago
“…within a week we were planning our life together.” Mistake number one. I’ll spare you the lecture on the ethics of banging a married woman, but such an arrangement should never be taken seriously. “I felt more disappointed than heartbroken and I sent her husband pics of us together and told him everything that had happened in those three months.” What a dick. You didn’t sell her out on conscientious grounds (“GASP! You’re MARRIED!? I can’t do this to another man! He has a right to know!”). You lashed out a her and her family because you didn’t get your… Read more »
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