5/20/13
Should I Take My Boyfriend to an Orgy?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Dear Em & Lo,

Last night, while watching a movie with an orgy/group sex party in it, my long term BF suggested that it would be sexy to try something like that, expect only have sex with each other (no swinging). He likes the idea of having sex while other people watch and I admit it is exciting to try something new that will spice things up and bring us closer.

However, I am a bit nervous about some things and also have no idea where to go to find such a party! I am nervous about being naked in front of strangers, my BF wanting to have sex with someone else, or someone trying to join us. Any advice would be great!

— Eyes Wide Shut

How should E.W.S. proceed? Leave your feedback in the comments section below.


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6 Comments on "Should I Take My Boyfriend to an Orgy?"


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Tom Jones
2 years 8 months ago

Set boundaries first, to make sure that everyone can agree to them. Or try adults cams, such as Cam4.com or chaturbate.com, which will let you interact in the safety of your own home… except that they can be recorded.

Jen
2 years 8 months ago

My personal feelings on the matter are, “Gross!”

But ultimately, it’s your call. I just hope you’re honest with yourself and him about whether you truly want to do this.

2 years 8 months ago

I’m with M — assuming you can find some people who play that way then yeah, take it in stages. And definitely make it clear to your partner that you’ll no only respect but back up his boundaries and that you expect him to do exactly the same for you. Good reality check: If the orgy attendees are so amateur they don’t explain the house boundaries and ask about yours then you should politely excuse yourselves at the door and go back home. Because even if you didn’t get hurt someone else might, and you don’t really want to be… Read more »

Johnny
2 years 8 months ago

You’re right to assume that the more people you have around, the more control you sacrifice. Maybe ease into this idea, without actually attending a nasty smelly sweaty hairy random-person orgy? Why not go online and find a single person or couple who 1)you and your BF both approve of and agree on, and 2)understands and agrees to your ground rules?

Johnny
2 years 8 months ago

I find group sex disgusting. The fantasy is way different from the reality. A nice MFF threesome, sure, but once there’s other dudes around, even as spectators, I’m out. Unless you can hand-pick who comes to this hypothetical orgy, expect the vast majority of people there to not suit your tastes. They attract a very random and diverse crowd. Much like a NYC subway car. Ever been in a NYC subway car? Even when it’s crowded, there will only be a few people on there you’re actually sexually attracted to. If you’re into this idea, don’t let me scare you… Read more »

M
2 years 8 months ago

I’d take it in stages:
First go to a party just to watch. If anyone at the party tries to pressure you into more then it’s the wrong kind of party; run away. (If that someone is your boyfriend, dump him – but I think that is unlikely).

Then have a conversation about what you enjoyed at the party and whether you want to go again. If you guys are still interested, go and agree to only have sex with each other, with an audience this time (same caveats as above apply).

Rinse and repeat.

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