4/21/09
Your Call: Should She Fess Up Her Indiscretion?

kiss_at_nightphoto by rileyroxx

We feel just awful that we can’t answer every single advice question we get, but we figure that any answer is better than no answer at all. Which is why, once a week, we’ll let you guys decide how to advise a reader. Make your call by filling out the poll after the jump:

Dear Em & Lo,

I know what I did was wrong: I’m happily engaged, I went out one night to a sort of impromptu high school reunion, got drunk and kissed a guy I’d always had a crush on. It was one sloppy kiss, nothing more. As soon as I did it I regretted it (although I must admit it did feel kinda nice). I love my fiance, want to be with him, don’t need sex from anyone else (and am confident I won’t, even after 50 years). I let myself do it because I knew it wouldn’t diminish my feelings or commitment to my fiance, this guy was no threat and it would just be harmless, meaningless fun. Of course, now I feel totally guilty, and terrible that I did that behind his back. My question is: do I tell him, just so we don’t have anything between us before we get married — I hate the idea of having this secret for the rest of our lives. Or do I just keep my mouth shut and live with the guilt, because no good can come of hurting him like that?

Kissing Bandit

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14 Comments on "Your Call: Should She Fess Up Her Indiscretion?"

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KHM
KHM
7 years 2 months ago
I would love to revisit this topic after you have been happily married for 10 years and realize that this kiss was nothing but the fulfillment of an adolescent fantasy, and for that you can never be faulted. If you had met some random in a bar and hooked-up with him, I would question your level of commitment to your fiance or even your readiness to be married. But, allowing yourself one nostalgic moment to wrap-up all those teenage dreams in one pretty box … that is not criminal, it is a gift to yourself and to the girl you… Read more »
niceneasy
niceneasy
7 years 3 months ago

Hell no! Never ever tell. Forget it and move on. There is the possibility of his planting the seed of distrust down the road. Besides, “so what”!

Anna
Anna
7 years 3 months ago

Well honestly, you have to tell him. there is no doubt about that. but if you are feeling guilty, then you are always going to feel guilty, until the truth comes out. sure it might mess everything up, sorry to say but you have to say something. its good you feel guilty because otherwise it would show you dont care about him at all so obviously you do. but like i said. guilt does not just go away so you need to come out or it is going to eat at you for a while.
Good Luck

JN
JN
7 years 3 months ago
If this was just “harmless, meaningless fun” you wouldn’t feel guilty, nor would you be concerned about telling your fiance about this incident. Honesty and communication are cornerstones of any successful relationship (in my opinion). Better to talk to him about this now, than have it come out later in a way that could be more hurtful. I agree with Katie, talk to him, but think about what this kiss was really about and be prepared to have an open and honest conversation with your fiance about that. It could be that both of you share some anxiety about the… Read more »
Elizabeth
Elizabeth
7 years 3 months ago

Wow Johnny – way quick to judge there. However, I agree she should tell him… I guess I can kind of see the logic of that being a selfish way to relieve guilt, but I think deception is wrong, always…and keeping it from him is deception.

Katie
Katie
7 years 3 months ago
I just want to point out that being drunk is never an excuse…that would just give you an “out” for eternity. You need to think about why you kissed this guy–I’m guessing it’s not because you’ve had a burning desire for him for years. Maybe you’re feeling a bit of anxiety about your upcoming marriage? I think it’s fair to frame the incident in that respect to your fiance, but you should still tell him. Use it as a constructive way to lay out both your fears, irrational or not, on the table about marriage. Most people have some worries… Read more »
TL
TL
7 years 3 months ago

Obviously, you’re trying too hard to convince everyone and yourself of your commitment to your fiance when your actions prove otherwise. You are always in control of your actions, no matter what. Be woman enough to accept this truth, and more so, to tell it.

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