Your Call – Should She Risk Losing Love Because She’s Young?

Dear Em & Lo,

I’m 18 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, since I was 15. It’s been great over these few years. We’ve argued but everyone argues and we’ve managed to work things out and talk on a level where we can understand each other. He’s most definitely my best friend and when he talks to me I feel as though I am everything to him also. Recently he  asked me to become his fiancee and to move in with him. He made it very clear that it is not to pressure me into marriage, I can do that whenever I am ready, etc. But he loves me and wants to take it to the next level. Sounds like a fairytale, right? But the problem is he’s the only serious relationship I’ve ever had and many people have told me to not rush into anything, to date more guys and hang around before settling down. Should I risk losing someone that I love and can manage with just because I am young and in experienced?

— Young Lover

What do you think Young Lover should do? Please advise her in the comments below.

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28 Comments on "Your Call – Should She Risk Losing Love Because She’s Young?"

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A lot of people here probably don’t how you’re feeling. They are old. I’m 17. I had a boyfriend of 2 years, who I thought was the absolute love of my life. We broke up. At first I was horribly sad, but as time passed I started hanging out with my girls more and experienced a giant difference in my high school experience. It wasn’t better because I was now free to hookup with strangers or whatever, but it was nice to have a break from the intensity of our “love,” and to be a normal high schooler. I never… Read more »
Don’t leave that relationship,,,it is not worth losing him just to date a few jerks that just want sex and do not care about you like your boyfriend does…no one, i mean no one will love you as much as he does. I am 19 and i have been through the same thing…i was in a good relationship and i ruined it by going and sleeping with another when we were on a break..and that crushed my boyfreind and broke his heart our relationship will never be the same after we both tried dating other poeple, I would do anything… Read more »
DONT LET HIM GO! I’m in a similar situation as you, I am 21 and three months ago started dating my first boyfriend. Soon after we started dating, we got engaged because we just clicked so well and we knew deep down that we were right for eachother. Bottom line, if you’re with the right person, you will know, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together or how many relationships you’ve had. That being said, don’t rush things either. I question alot if getting married is the right decision to make so we’ve held off on planning the wedding.… Read more »
Madamoiselle L
Cinnamon, I agreed with you, UNTIL you said “If you do get married and it doesn’t work out it isn’t a big deal.” It actually IS. Divorce can and WILL wreak havoc on your emotional, physical and psychological health, and it can DESTROY your finances. Women as a group, fare 70% WORSE financially, after a divorce and men, as a group, fare about 34% better financially. Women DO suffer, more than just emotionally. You could end up destitute. Plus, if they have kids (which too many kids do before they are sure their spouse or themselves are ready for it)… Read more »
You’re still very young so you’re continuing to grow and mature as a person. You and your boyfriend may be right for each other right now, but you (and he) may change. And are you ready for marriage? You may love him and be happy with him, but that doesn’t mean you have to marry him! Sometimes being boyfriend/girlfriend is enough. Marriage can always wait — and if that’s the case, why not just say “no, I’m not ready to be your fiancee (and later wife), but I’m happy being your girlfriend”? Don’t rush anything. If you did get married… Read more »
Madamoiselle L
@Kathryn said: “go for it because you only have one chance to love” OMG, such a silly fallacy! These 16 yr old girls have been reading too many Romance Novels or watching too much Reality TV. There are 6.2 BILLION people on this Earth. There are much more than “one chance” for love. The whole idea that “there is only ONE person for each and if you miss a chance with that person you will spend your life alone and miserable” is silly, uninformed and overly childish. The OP will have plenty of chances at love. If she and her… Read more »
I was in a very similar situation at 18, whereas I had a long distance boyfriend OVERSEAS and would have given anything to just go live w/ HIM instead of going to college. However, I am really glad that circumstances forced me to go to college instead (we did not break up; we were long distance the entire time – 4 years). I had many different roommates, classes and experiences; went to parties on my own. Now that I’m post-graduate, I can honestly say that it was all for the best, no matter how much pain I was in freshman… Read more »