We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.
Dear Em & Lo,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years now. We are VERY close. I can see myself growing old with him. We’ve been having threesomes with guys, and it’s really spiced up our sex life. Not just when there’s a third around but when it’s just the two of us. Recently I went to hang out with my guy friend who I am very much attracted to. My boyfriend told me I can go ahead and have sex with him if I wanted. At first the idea made me upset, I told him it would feel like cheating. But as we talked about it more it seemed like and ok thing to do. I’m still unsure of it even though I wouldn’t mind at all having sex with him. My boyfriend wants to tell my friend that he not only is allowing me to have sex with him, but that he wants me to. This puts me in an awkward situation and I’m not to sure how I feel about it. Even though I want to. I’m not even sure if my friend wants to have sex…I need some advice…
— The Luckiest Girl in the World?
What should LGinW do? Leave advice for her in the comments section below.
Your boyfriend wants to tell your guy friend that he is giving permission . This action tells a lot. It gives a vibe like , you have done it with other guys, 3some etc ,having sex with that guy makes no difference to him , its usual routine ,that guy friend will notice these impression when your bf says it to him .Having sex, nothing more then that , your bf is making sure of it by telling him.its usual way of saying i have control over everything and making it official . now to the best part or the problematic part is that you like your guy friend , which is why you want to have sex,that’s why your boyfriend is jealous n fears of losing you and consciously he is putting a condition on it saying , he will tell your guy friend that he wants him to have sex with you . This will drill a hole in yr guy friend unless he is a creepy guy n doesn’t mind .Now if you make sure that what you feel about this guy friend is nothing more then a fling to your boyfriend by action or words then he wont mind but he sees you the spark in yr eyes when you talk about it and has become jealous and insecure. If you go for it by not telling him about it , this relationship will not turn out good .Sooner or later he will find out since he already became jealous .Now from your bfs side , he thinks why would it be necessary for you to have sex with the guy friend n not make it official . if its a open relationship then its okay but it doesn’t sound like a open relationship to me . The first impression you had that it seemed cheating , and yes it is cheating . Sorry for my bad English. ~peace
Sounds more like urging than permission.
Tell him thanks for the permission, and now that you have it you’ll consider the idea at your own leisure. But he should back off with the urging, and certainly piss off when it comes to taking it up with your guy friend.
If a woman with permission from her bf wanted to have sex with me, I would do it (hypothetically, if not for my SO). But if the BOYFRIEND approached me urging me to fuck his girlfriend, I would think it was really creepy.
If you ate ‘VERY close’, why write to an advice column instead of talking to the guy? Consider if perhaps your boyfriend is more into the polyfuck idea than you are. Insecurity can make us alter opinions and desires so that they match the partner’s. It’s ok to not want to fuck your friend just because it would make your boyfriend jizz.
Good god. Tell you boyfriend to butt the hell out. It sounds like he’s putting a lot of pressure on you – and your friend – to have sex that neither of you may actually want to have, and that’s not cool.
The two most relevant questions here are:
1. Do you want to have sex with your friend?
2. Does he want to have sex with you?
If both of those are true, since you know it’s cool with your boyfriend, talk about it. But … see, it really just sounds like you and your boyfriend need to communicate a lot better about the expectations and desires involved in opening up your relationship like this.