Your Call – Should You Have Extracurricular Sex If Given Permission?

photo by batega

Dear Em & Lo,

First off, I will say that I love my boyfriend. We are extremely compatible in almost every way. Except sex, and here’s why. About two years ago my boyfriend ruptured a testicle. Sex is now extremely painful for him and he has difficulty reaching orgasm. As a result we rarely have sex. We have talked about it a lot and there seems to be no easy solution. He encourages me to have other sexual partners but I am worried doing so will make him feel inadequate. We do a lot of S&M in and outside of the bedroom and I don’t want him to feel replaced. He insists that it is ok with him and that he wants me to be happy, but im not sure if i can. I almost feel like if he can’t have sex than i shouldn’t be able to either. I know its messed up, but im not sure what to do.

— To Screw or Not to Screw?

What should “Screw” do? Advise her below…

Say Something

15 Comments on "Your Call – Should You Have Extracurricular Sex If Given Permission?"

Notify of

Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
1 year 7 months ago

So I am pretty sure I am in the minority, but I do think it can work & can help the relationship. A couple of posters were harsh about not wanting to have it removed because of his career – really? I find it very hard to imagine anyone I know man or woman giving up their career for sex – it is not the end of their relationship – it is a part of it. There are all kinds of intimacy and yes ways to satisfy her without sex – but the pure physical act of sex it very powerful and I think going without it indefinitely without a medical reason as he has is not likely. To have an open an honest discussion about it, along with ground-rules & boundaries could end up saving the relationship not destroying it.
A lot of it depends I think on her specific personality. To be able to form some compartmentalization in your life. He said he doesn’t want to watch (although some guys are into that) but does he want to know? Do you tell him before, after? not at all? There are a lot of things that should be discussed so you are both clear and you need to check in with each other at certain times to be sure it is still working for the other person. This is not about having another boyfriend or a long term affair – this is occasional sex. Sure there is some risk – but there is also risk in denying that there is a lack

2 years 3 months ago

Oh, and while it may seem like a good solution to you that she do this, what are you going to do if she gets pregnant by another guy and he asks her to marry him?

2 years 3 months ago

Why not have it removed and do testosterone replacement drugs?

also need some
5 years 3 months ago

he has CLEARLY made HIS choice – career over sex with his partner ! Time for you to choose if you can deal or not!

5 years 3 months ago

I just don’t see how your relationship would ever or could ever last in a situation like this. It doesn’t sound to me like the author wants to have sex with other men but the boyfriend is saying that he will NOT remove the testicle which is causing the pain and problem to have a completly normal and happy sex life because he is a professional athlete. I think that everyone needs to feel that connection with thier partner to have a lasting relationship. If she is always getting sex from somewhere else,she will more than likely end up developing a relationship with the person she is having sex with.