10/15/10
Your Call: What’s the Best Way to Tell a Guy I’m a Virgin?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I’m a 22-year-old virgin and have decided to wait for a committed relationship before having sex. Sometimes when I’m dating and the sex talk comes up, guys get very nervous when they realize I’m a virgin. I try not to make it such a big deal, I see it as only a part of my character, not the whole thing.

I’m dating a great guy now and I’m pretty sure the topic of sex will come up soon. Any advice about how to approach this? Am I kidding myself to think that guys wouldn’t freak about this? Any advice would be great.

— Virginally Yours

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31 Comments on "Your Call: What’s the Best Way to Tell a Guy I’m a Virgin?"

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lartoya
lartoya
2 years 19 days ago

I’m a 25 years old virgin just thought I found love and he run away because I told him I’m a virgin is sad because we still didn’t connect and I can’t say ok take my virginity just like that.so I’m a bit upset at the moment I think he never loved me anyway.

Elsaas
Elsaas
2 years 3 months ago
Jane, It is the both reasons. Actually you should be honest about everything – not only about the virgin part but also if you are really willing to do it.Because even me,as a girl,I couldn’t wait a year or so only with the phrase:I Am not ready.You should tell the guy what you really want from him to feel “safe” and also If you really want to have sex. I don’t understand these girls who want a boyfriend but only for the hanging hands part and “no sex” before the wedding.And if the sex is bad or someone don’t like… Read more »
Jane
Jane
2 years 3 months ago
Hello, what I wanted to ask is this: if a girl is a virgin at a certain age, 20, 25, 30 etc… and she is with a guy, in a new relationship, and WANTS to have sex with him… why would a guy assume that sex won’t happen anytime soon just because she is a virgin?? I mean, if being a virgin was a fault, a mistake… and a girl finally WANT to put an end to her state of “virginity”, obviously she has to have sex with a guy. But if all guys react this way and ran away…… Read more »
Jade
Jade
2 years 5 months ago

Well in 5 months I’ll officially be a 30 year old virgin. I can’t wait to have to tell the guys I start seeing :-/

Caitlin
Caitlin
2 years 8 months ago
I’m 22 and still a virgin. All through high school I was picked on because of this reason. They couldn’t understand why I was a virgin. I did have a boyfriend for almost 5 years of high school but we didn’t think we were mature enough to do it. Plus I didn’t think it would make me feel any different if we did have sex. I’m no longer with him and still have not found the guy I trust enough to be my first time. Especially when I tell a guy I’m a virgin, they stop talking to me. So… Read more »
hayley
hayley
4 years 2 months ago
Lo and behold … I have found the right guy. I am 21 going on 22 this summer. We’ve been together for about 2 months and haven’t had sex yet, but physical things have progressed. And I’m telling you … wait for the right person. I’m very glad that I have saved myself and he is the only one I want to have sex with now. It’s weird … in the past, when I’d even ponder having sex with a guy I was with, it scared me and all I could see is him leaving me in the morning or… Read more »
Liz
Liz
4 years 10 months ago
also, to the early posts, would you chill out a little? Just because a woman wants to wait for a “committed” relationship does not mean she is waiting for marriage or looking for her “one and only” sex partner. It MEANS we are waiting to be with someone who we trust, and who will not turn around and run the next day leaving us to try and deal with the emotional and hormonal changes that having sex for the first time will induce. Having a partner for your first time as opposed to a one night stand is much more… Read more »
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