Your Call: What’s the Best Way to Tell a Guy I’m a Virgin?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I’m a 22-year-old virgin and have decided to wait for a committed relationship before having sex. Sometimes when I’m dating and the sex talk comes up, guys get very nervous when they realize I’m a virgin. I try not to make it such a big deal, I see it as only a part of my character, not the whole thing.

I’m dating a great guy now and I’m pretty sure the topic of sex will come up soon. Any advice about how to approach this? Am I kidding myself to think that guys wouldn’t freak about this? Any advice would be great.

— Virginally Yours

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31 Comments on "Your Call: What’s the Best Way to Tell a Guy I’m a Virgin?"

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1 year 6 months ago

I’m a 25 years old virgin just thought I found love and he run away because I told him I’m a virgin is sad because we still didn’t connect and I can’t say ok take my virginity just like I’m a bit upset at the moment I think he never loved me anyway.

1 year 9 months ago

It is the both reasons. Actually you should be honest about everything – not only about the virgin part but also if you are really willing to do it.Because even me,as a girl,I couldn’t wait a year or so only with the phrase:I Am not ready.You should tell the guy what you really want from him to feel “safe” and also If you really want to have sex.
I don’t understand these girls who want a boyfriend but only for the hanging hands part and “no sex” before the wedding.And if the sex is bad or someone don’t like the sex in the couple?

1 year 9 months ago


what I wanted to ask is this: if a girl is a virgin at a certain age, 20, 25, 30 etc… and she is with a guy, in a new relationship, and WANTS to have sex with him… why would a guy assume that sex won’t happen anytime soon just because she is a virgin??

I mean, if being a virgin was a fault, a mistake… and a girl finally WANT to put an end to her state of “virginity”, obviously she has to have sex with a guy. But if all guys react this way and ran away… she sill never have the chance to have sex..

Being in a new relationship and being a virgin means: “I’ve never had sex BEFORE”, but from the moment a girl, a virgin, finds a boyfriend, it hust means she WANTS to have sex. She tells the guy she’s a virgin because she wants him to be delicate when they do it and not expect to have sex in all the kamasutra positions on the first night…

So what is it that scares guys?
Is it actually the lack of sexual experience, rather than not expecting sex to happen anytime soon?

I think that’s really the problem. Nowadays, with the porn industry being so mainstream, every guy wants to have sex with a girl who “knows her ways”. So to me, that’s really what scares guy. The picture having sex with a virgin as laying in bed with someone cryin all the time and not moving… And that’s just a prejudice! Someone who has never had sex before, but decides to do it, could be as passionate and hot as the guy wants… but by ranning away, he just gives her no chance to prove it. It’s all a prejudice.

I do think that the word “virgin” recalls so many more “ghosts” than what it actually means…
So, my advice would be: don’t tell the guy, because the mental aspect of what the term virgin recalls would be way more harmful to him and your relationship than your lack of experience.

It probably will dump you. But if you tell him, he’ll dump you anyway. The downside is you’ll be heartbroken. the upside is, you won’t be a virgin anymore…

1 year 11 months ago

Well in 5 months I’ll officially be a 30 year old virgin. I can’t wait to have to tell the guys I start seeing :-/

2 years 2 months ago

I’m 22 and still a virgin. All through high school I was picked on because of this reason. They couldn’t understand why I was a virgin.
I did have a boyfriend for almost 5 years of high school but we didn’t think we were mature enough to do it. Plus I didn’t think it would make me feel any different if we did have sex. I’m no longer with him and still have not found the guy I trust enough to be my first time. Especially when I tell a guy I’m a virgin, they stop talking to me. So I would either be honest straight away or wait until the topic comes up in conversation.