What’s the Etiquette for Joining Someone Else’s Sex Session?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. We’re not convinced this particular inquiry isn’t a total joke, but we think it’s an interesting, entertaining question nonetheless:

Dear Em & Lo,

I can hear my friend having sex in the next room and want to join in. Do you think I should ask first, or just walk in?

— Jon

What should Jon do?

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8 Comments on "What’s the Etiquette for Joining Someone Else’s Sex Session?"

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I’ve got a bad feeling about this…

Short answer: if you have to ask then the answer is no. Slightly longer if snarkier answer: if your friend is having sex with your spouse or primary partner then the answer is probably yes. Best, deadly serious answer: even if you can hear them loudly and emphatically role-playing having you join in you *still* don’t start having sex with anyone before first obtaining clear consent. Preferably at a point when they’re not actually having sex. One quibble for Black Iris. It’s not so much that you should assume that one of the partners in the other room is a… Read more »
okay, I’m almost afraid to put my two cents in but here I go…. Give it a shot. Ask to join in! I’m not saying just walk in, but I agree with Black Iris. Talk to him before hand. Test out the waters casually and see if he’s ever thought about sharing before. A little humor can go a long way towards making a potentially awkward question less awkward. Besides, If your buddy and his girl are going at it pretty loud when he knows you are home, maybe they are trying to tell you something! As for the girl’s… Read more »

I agree with Johnny. Yikes what a roomie.


Neither, oh lord, please just don’t do it! Fulfill your fantasy with someone that is not your friend.
If your friend is part of the fantasy, test the waters for months on end, slowly slooooowly sliding the topic into conversation…Do NOT spring this on to unsuspecting people who think they are enjoying a private moment.
This is something that is to be talked about first, with serious ground rules to be laid down…


Seriously, I’m with Johnny. It’s their own personal sex life, so do lots of talking first, and let them do whatever they want. Don’t be surprised if they act like you’re creepy.


Have they given you ANY indication that they want you to join in? If not, just forget it and let them screw in peace, ya wierdo.