Your Call: When Should He Leave His Wife for Me?

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We feel just awful that we can’t answer every single advice question we get, but we figure that any answer is better than no answer at all. Which is why, once a week, we’ll let you guys decide how to advise a reader. Make your call by filling out the poll after the jump:

Dear Em & Lo,

I am currently seeing someone from my high school years of more than 25 years ago. He is currently married, I am divorced, and I happened to call him about a problem with my mom’s car. We live in different states so when he heard my voice on the phone, he immediately said how much he loved me in high school but never told me so. After we resolved the car issue for my mom, he asked if he could call me sometime.  Well, we have not stopped talking.  Since I started talking to him 5 months ago, he has sent for me to meet him in Mississippi 2 times and we are now both in love. He said he and his wife have been having problems for more that 20 years but have not resolved the marriage and neither wants to save the marriage because they do not have what it takes to stay together.  He says he never wants to let me go. How should I go about the time frame to give him to make the move to file for a divorce?

— The Other Woman

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44 Comments on "Your Call: When Should He Leave His Wife for Me?"

3 years 5 months ago

Im also in love with a married man that lives in another state. He wanted me to go move to his home town and then we could get our relationship going. I said yes, but I decided I wont, I will be going up North but will be moving to GA close to my son and I will be 3 hrs away from him, he says he is leaving her, she cheated on him and he says he does not love her anymore. He says he loves me and wants to be with me. Ok so now I told him that when he leaves her and starts the divorce process we can start our real relationship. I do love him with all my heart and it’s so very hard.

3 years 10 months ago

I met a man on a dating site and was totally unaware that he was married. After a few months of non stop talking and dating.. I fell in love with him.. deeply… He was my soul mate. The man I had searched for my whole life… INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH i WAS NOT PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO MUCH.. iT WAS WHO HE WAS… Then he finally broke the news to me that he was married.. I was devestated and broke off with him. He pursued me again and told me he was seperating from His wife… which he did . I gave him a dead line to file for divorce… which he claimed he did… I found out that he lied to me months later and did not file so I broke off with him again.. mind you, this was after relocating and promises to marry…again I realized I could not trust him. I did not sleep with him for 2 or 3 months after first dating him . I wrote his wife a letter and told her everything and apologized to her… However, This man broke off with me and then came running back claiming he loved me. I told him if that be true.. file for divorce immediately…. He came a week later with his papers in his hand… claiming he found the love of his life in me and he could not bare to live without me. He let go of his 400,000 house . There are NO CHILDREN… His parents are angry with him and me… and his poor wife is hurt, but he does not desire to be with her…
I feel terrible about all of this but He made his choice and I love him deeply… I do feel that trust may be an issue .. but this man has never cheated before or during his 10 yr marriage….He is now residing with me and plans to marry me after his divorce is final…. MEN do leave their wives for other woman.. I dont condone it and personally I think it is breaking vows.. but when you fall for someone and its mutual and you cant escape the love… then I guess sometimes life just happens….

Mrs. B
3 years 11 months ago

My husband and I have been together for 20 yrs. Married 5 yrs. He began talking with his high school friend in 09. He says he lost his virginity with her. On face book they began a relationship again. She lives in NE we live in CA. He has been having an affair with her since. My husband is a sales rep. and travels for his work. She sent me his itineraries to prove he had been seeing her when he would travel once a month. She sent proof of the 1st time she slept with my husband and where. She sent me messages between her and him and sent me pics. to prove they were sexually involved. I refuse to leave my husband. She refuses to leave him and he refuses to leave me or her.
If our marriage was so bad like she said he told her why has he not left our home? If he can’t stand me and I am such a bitch, why does he make love to me when he leaves on his trip and when he returns. Why does he do everything for me and my kids? She lives alone with her kids. She has her own place. She is skinny with fake breast. Why does he not leave my home for her??????? Why? Because he is never leaving the 20 yrs. of memories we have made together. I gave him 3 perfect sons. I have stood by my man through the worst a man can do to a woman. SHE IS THE OTHER WOMAN AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE OTHER WOMAN AND I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE. SO EVERYTIME HE IS WITH HER SHE CAN BE SURE ALL HE HAS ON HIS MIND IS ME. He has obviously not left me for her. I am not going anywhere. His stupid ass pays my bills. Provides very well for my kids and I basically can do what i want because he trust me. Why would he leave all this? The only thing they need to worry about is when “I say its over”. He will have nothing left and he will be so sad he lost me and the kids that he will not be able to make her happy. Not to mention the fact I will be sure to stay with him as long as I have to so that I can get child support/alimony or what ever I deserve. My friend “OTHER WOMAN” yes give your cheating lover a time frame of 1 week 1 month or 10 yrs. do what ever it takes to make him leave his wife. Wait for him night after night, year after year with that burn in your heart, the anxiety of him not being there with you everyday. Continue to sneak to see him, suffer not knowing when and if you will here from him in the day.
Suffer for your man girlfriend and the whole time you are fighting for him in your heart you will suffer the worst part of it all which is the fact “HE IS NOT GOING LEAVING HER FOR YOU” he would have done it with out a time frame if he “LOVED YOU”

1 month 14 days ago

Why do you put up with his cheating, 20 yrs im sure he has been doing it your wholee marriage disrespectful.

4 years 2 days ago

I fell for that line and when I realized he was just stringing me along I felt like a whore. He said he wanted to tell his wife but I think he was using me. I told him why tell his wife, it would only hurt her. It ended up making us feel like low life skum. I live with it everytime I hear about the other woman. I feel like a horrible person that I fell for his lies and would do that to another humanbeing. Honestly I don’t know how these cheaters can live with themselves.

4 years 1 month ago

As a married man for the past two years and with the same woman the past 8. I am disgusted by this homewrecker. He is married, there are millions of single men out there and you choose to go after one that is married? Do you even understand what monogomy is? His vows? ANYTHING? What you think if he’s willing to cheat on his wife with you, that you’ve found a keeper? Yeah you’ll be in his wife’s shoes one day. People like you make me sick. No honor, no loyalty. Do the world a favor and kill yourself homewreck, unbelieveable no respect I tell you.