We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:
Dear Em & Lo,
When is it okay or advisable to share my lesbian past with a man I’m dating? I had a long-term, serious girlfriend when I was in school (a decade ago), and when men learn that I went to a women’s college, they all inevitably ask me if I ever “questioned my sexuality.” Some find the truth titillating or act like I’m their personal porn star (not always the greatest thing!) and some have found it intimidating or downright repellent — I’ve been dumped over this, if you can believe it.
I’ve always felt that honesty is the best policy, so I don’t want to lie, but I’ve also been told that a woman gets to have her secrets and that I don’t have to necessarily share all of my sexual or romantic history. I’m not actively bisexual, and I don’t want to be with women now or in the future — do my dates (or even my future partner) really need to know about my old flame? And if so, how do I know when it’s the right time to share this?
What should L.U.G. do?