4/13/10
Your Call – Why Is My Husband Jealous of My Female Friendships?

Dear Em & Lo,

Following a year of very intensive therapy to deal with PTSD resulting from a childhood of abuse, I’ve emerged whole, happy, and healthy. My husband says I’m a changed woman; more confidant, happier, at peace with myself and my life. In the process of learning to accept and love myself, I’ve finally allowed myself to make friends with a woman who shares a background very similar to my own. Though we live in in different states, we speak by phone and communicate via email, mostly while my airline pilot husband is traveling. My question is how to stop my husband constantly butting into my phone conversations with my new friend.

I’ve tried to assure him that my friendship with this woman is no threat to him or our marriage, which will always come first. Still he persists. He even butted in yesterday when an old high school friend (also female) called in need of a friendly ear to talk about her marriage ending.

In each instance, my otherwise intelligent 53-year-old husband turns into a needy three-year-old child, demanding my constant attention. What’s up with this and how do I put an end to it without hurting his feelings — or allowing him to ruin my friendships?

— Married to a Three-Year-Old

How should MTATYO deal with her husband? Let her know in the comments section below.

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23 Comments on "Your Call – Why Is My Husband Jealous of My Female Friendships?"

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Carol
2 years 24 days ago

Everyone! Read Eros and Pathos by Aldo Carotenuto and…
Good Luck!

Stephen
Stephen
2 years 4 months ago
I struggle with this as well. I too am over the age of 50, and don’t consider it “acting like a 3 year old”. After 20 years of marriage and multiple children, it seems that my wife (my best friend; no one else even comes close) takes the depth of our friendship for granted. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that she doesn’t love me, but she certainly gets more enjoyment out of her phone calls/texting/facebooking with girlfriends than she does with me. Is it really that unreasonable for me to be jealous of the fact that I… Read more »
Levi Williams
Levi Williams
1 year 3 months ago
Stephen, I am exactly in the same position with my wife. She turned 53 in Feb and I will in aug. I finally got her to stop saying her friend Jane was her best friend as it hurt each time she said it in my presence. Our marriage 31 years ago was built on friendship first. Now we have had a lot go on over the last year. We had several family deaths all within six months, we moved, and my wife underwent menohell. Now she does not want sex anymore due to the change and we had that verified… Read more »
foreigner
foreigner
2 years 11 months ago
I have moved to Australia from canada with my australian husband. I recently meet a woman which I share lots in.common from.work. we have become really good friend. My husband doesn’t like me spending time with her. He doesn’t want to hear about her. She is the person I have connected the.most since moving here over 10 years ago. She loves my kids and loves hanging out. Lately he has been working away and I have been.seing more of her and him and I are getting in reallY heated argument over my friendship. I am 40.year old and feel I… Read more »
Jeff
Jeff
3 years 1 month ago
Feeling on this topic in men will vary widely depending on situation. I freely admit to people that I have discomfort and feelings of jealousy about my wife’s time spent with her numerous friends and co-workers, some single some married. To begin, our Saturday morning time may be interrupted before we are up and about with phone calls and instant messages. I rarely complain about it but it has a cumulative effect over time. She has done fifteen vacations with friends away from me in the last fifteen years where she is the only married woman, usually for less than… Read more »
Cary
Cary
3 years 4 months ago

I dont agree with catering to a man to build up his level of security…. Sex, constant affectionate verbalization. A girl needs girl time…. To re-energize. Why’s that so difficult?

Johnny
Johnny
3 years 5 months ago

^ Just making sure I got this right – this is a female-female friendship, and you don’t suspect her of cheating?

You are a big needy whiny baby. Let your wife have fun with her new friend.

tw
tw
3 years 5 months ago
My wife has a new best friend and she says they have a lot in common. They work together so they see each other 8 hours a day. Here lately when my wife comes home they text each other the entire night. I feel I get no time with here and yes it is hurting my feelings. This weekend my wife stayed the weekend with her. I know she needs girl time and time away to feel renewed. I just feel that a husband and wife should sleep together. Some advice from the ladies please. I am very jealous at… Read more »
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