Your Call: Why Would a Guy Fess Up to a Girlfriend Right Before Sex?

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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

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Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve known this guy for over a year and run into him every now and then in a bar that we both frequent. The other night I saw him and he was flirty and said that he was hoping to run into me and he was happy to see me and then proceeded with the ole “We have chemistry,” etc.  After making out, we decided to go back to my place to, what was pretty much agreed on, have sex. When we got to my place, he casually told me that he had a girlfriend. (When I inquired, he said that it was a casual situation.) We did not have sex. My question is: Why would a guy ruin a sure thing, by saying he had a girlfriend? Did he want to make sure I didn’t take the sex seriously? Or is he simply a guy and didn’t think?

Blue Box

What should B.B. think about this guy’s actions? Leave your feedback in the comments section below.


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3 Comments on "Your Call: Why Would a Guy Fess Up to a Girlfriend Right Before Sex?"

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Hey Johnny!

Thanks for your thoughtful and well written response. Subsequent developments have led me to think that it was a combination of all of the above. Lol!

Oh, I forgot the most obvious one: 7. Hell hath no fury. You said this is a guy you see around. You go to the same bar. Maybe you’ve seen his girlfriend around. Maybe you know who she is. Maybe you’d get really angry if he pulled a fast one on you, or maybe you’d just get that feeling of vagina solidarity that wells up in women sometimes. Then you might cause big trouble. He’s covering his bases. Nothing happened – no harm no foul, right? No need to blow the whistle on him, especially if it’s as “casual” as… Read more »
There’s a few reasons for this. In no particular order, they are: 1. Set the stage for further casual sex without commitment. If you agree to do him once despite his having a girlfriend, and despite the implication that he will not be following up or asking you on any dates, then it’s as in-the-bag as it can possibly be. It’s shooting the moon. The risk was losing the lay. The reward was a secret, commitment-free casual sex partner. He gambled. 2. Desire for absolution. If you do him anyway, you’ve basically green-lighted something he really wanted to do, and… Read more »