photo by Ell BrownEach week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril! (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)
This week, the Bard tells you how to be…
aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
“To gild refined gold, to paint the lily, To throw a perfume on the violet, To smooth the ice, or add another hue Unto the rainbow, or with taper-light To seek the beauteous eye of heaven to garnish, Is wasteful and ridiculous excess.”
— King John, act IV, sc. ii
taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
“Therefore love moderately; long love doth so; Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.”
— Romeo and Juliet, act II, sc. vi
gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
“A scepter snatch’d with an unruly hand Must be as boisterously maintain’d as gain’d; And he that stands upon a slippery place Makes nice of no vile hold to stay him up.”
— King John, act III, sc. iv
cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
“Better a little chiding than a great deal of heartbreak.”
— The Merry Wives of Windsor, act V, sc. iii
leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
“Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine ear.”
— Venus and Adonis, l. 145.
virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
It is too rash, too unadvis’d, too sudden; Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be Ere one can say it lightens.”
— Romeo and Juliet, act II, sc. ii
libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
“Confess yourself to heaven; Repent what’s past; avoid what is to come.”
— Hamlet, act III, sc. iv.
scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
“Commit The oldest sins the newest kind of ways.”
— King Henry the Fourth, act IV, sc. v
sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
“I count myself in nothing else so happy As in a soul remembering my good friends.”
— King Richard the Second, act II, sc. iii
capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
“Your wit’s too hot, it speeds too fast, ’twill tire.”
— Love’s Labour’s Lost, act II, sc. i
aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
— Hamlet, act II, sc. ii
pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
“This bud of love, by summer’s ripening breath, May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.”
— Romeo and Juliet, act II, sc. ii
