My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me

Dear Em & Lo,

About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.


Dear Sizeist,

We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?

But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.

First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare 8-inch penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.

For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).

On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?

Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like.  This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.

Size is just a number,

Em & Lo

This post has been updated.

Do you worry about the size of your package?
“15 Ways to Make the Most of Your Small Peen in Bed”


  1. Em and Lo…..Did you ever follow up with “Sizest” to find out if she ever sex with her new boyfriend? I think the follow up would be interesting to read and to know how things worked out.

    1. There is so much misinformation and so many bogus products surrounding penis enlargement that when they discover the solution, no one will believe. So here goes; any male can permanently increase length and girth in the same way a bodybuilder adds mass and becomes larger. As you stress tissue, the body goes into a natural process of creating new cells making you larger. The question is not whether permanent enlargement is possible but instead, how do you safely stress penile tissue to promote cell growth? The answers can be found by checking out Magnum Rings online.

  2. One man’s courageous journey to come to terms with his small penis:

    A very well done documentary. It’s very enlightening and entertaining. You can see how much men obsess over their cocks, and you can also see that many, many women don’t really put much thought into them.

    1. This comment that I came across on the internet (a comment that came directly from watching the documentary I posted), it a perfect example of how an insecure man views women. The reply to this man’s comment is a great example of what MOST women want in a man and the true reason why insecure men are dateless (it’s not due to their small dick, it’s due their insecurities and female issues that cause the women to ignore them.

      Here’s the guy’s comment:
      Basically the women participating in this documentary are telling it like it is. And men probably shouldn’t watch this documentary. Size DOES matter, and most women, if not all, prefer a big cock. If you have a 7 inch cock or bigger most women will find it to be big enough. If it’s smaller than that she will be disappointed.

      Women have become more shallow and critical than men. They reject/mock/ridicule men because of their penis size and they sit and talk about it with their friends. Even if you’re their boyfriend or husband she will tell all her friends about your penis. Women just don’t respect men anymore. Sad, but true.
      I’ve stopped dating because women are so shallow and critical – even those women who are ugly and have thousands of flaws themselves.

      Most women have tried a big one so they’re only going to be disappointed if a guy whips out an average-sized one or slightly below average-sized one.
      Most women believe that bigger feels better, and they’re used to at least an average-sized one, so how do you think the sex is going to be for her if he’s slightly below average or small? It’s going to be pretty bad.
      It’s only the well-endowed guys who get all the compliments in bed about their dick. Women are just “meh” when they see an average one. That’s hardly the best way to initiate sex.

      And women compare the sizes of the guys that they’ve been with and they also tell it to all their friends. So there’s no reason to have sex unless you have at least 6-7 inches in length.

      I’ll never have relationship or a sexual encounter, because I’m too short and ugly. And no woman is going to accept a guy who is shorter and uglier than average and who hasn’t even got a big dick to compensate for the other flaws.
      Women will never understand what it feels like, because men are simply not as shallow, critical and ruthless as women are. Any women can get a man despite her looks or personality. Guys don’t have that “luxury”/”insurance”.
      Not to mention that all women’s “flaws”/”problems” can be solved. They can lose weight, make your boobs bigger (or smaller), get liposuction, cosmetic surgery, wear make-up and so on.

      Men can’t do anything about their height and penis size, and we all know that the vast majority of women only go after tall guys and that they believe that big dicks are best. Height and penis size are two of the most important things in a man, if you ask women.

      Here is the woman’s reply (she’s offering some great wisdom and advice):
      Okay, the reason women aren’t dating you is because you’re a massive misogynistic moron. Women do not expect a 7 inch penis. Nor are we shallow, you’re just incredibly bitter about a few women not wanting to date you. (because you’re so critical of them, even though you are making up completely bull****). Women don’t want to date men who are self pitying. Women don’t want to date men who don’t understand that women have been oppressed for a very long time and still are and you have the utter ignorance to believe that men have it worse. Women don’t want to date you because you think that our flaws are easily solvable.

      Women don’t want to date a man who believes he’s entitled to any woman regardless of her feelings, just because YOU want her to date you.

      If a woman enjoys a larger penis, what does that have to do with you? It doesn’t mean that she discounts men with smaller ones or that she bases her relationships on them.

      A woman can enjoy absolutely anything she wants – including things that you don’t have the criteria for. Stop being so butthurt and focusing on those women.

      Change your attitude and find a woman who actually likes you.

      Oh, and a penis over 7 inches wouldn’t be nice – it would be painful. The average vagina is 4 inches deep. Perhaps it’s not your penis size, but the fact that you’re rude and judgmental that women aren’t dating you. Or maybe you just don’t know how to use what you’ve got.

  3. It seems some guy’s are just so freaked out by their small cocks that they have become almost non functional. I wonder if embracing your small size might be the answer….perhaps turn it into a fetish.
    SPH stands for “small penis humiliation” and many men experience great sexual pleasure from it. And there seems to be women who enjoy this type of lifestyle/fetish. Instead of being paralyzed by your small penis, learn to seek pleasure in being shamed. You might not find it ideal….but face facts, no woman is going to worship your tiny dick.

    1. Doesn’t that kinda fly in the face of everything your saying about how men shouldn’t worry about it? Also I don’t think it’s appropriate to tell people who might be innsecure to the point of not functioning that they should embrace being shamed and that no women will ever love their penis

      1. I’m not sure I’ve been saying not to worry about it. It all depends what you’re size is. If you’re at least average you should try not to worry about it. The men who probably do need to worry are those guys who are 5″ or less. And those guys who are under 4.5″…they need to bring some other serious skills into the bedroom. As for embracing being small…they are MANY small men who get off on being humiliated. It’s called SPH: small penis humiliation. Essentially they find well hung men to fuck their wives or girlfriends and get off on it. A swinging lifestyle might also be the answer. It would allow each person to find fulfillment with other people while having a stable relationship.

        Certainly these are all tricky waters to navigate. But it’s worth exploring if you don’t want to live (basically) as a eunuch…which some men are doing by essentially withdrawing from the dating world.

        1. Another option for small men or men who think they’re small is to embrace there size unashamedly. Or really, to embrace themselves unashamedly. Dicks aren’t the end all and be all of sex, and a man who recognizes that and who has a good attitude about himself opens up all kinds of sexual possibilities for himself and for the woman (or man) he’s with. He still won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but he will be great for some.

  4. This is an entertaining website.
    You can enter your cock size and compare it visually to other cocks. I compared my 6.5″ cock to a 3.5″ cock and I look like a porn star in comparison! Of course when I compare it to a 9″ cock it’s pretty humbling! When you see the size of a 9″ cock you can see how many women would find something that big painful.

    There is a wide range of dicks you can compare to….some based on real life porn stars, and those based upon statistical averages. I think for the majority of us you’ll feel a bit less insecure and realize how the majority of men are equipped the same way.

  5. Well I HAVE to post this link I came across. It hits on many points I have brought up. You’ll see most women hated being with larger peens. You’ll see that most women have NO IDEA at what an “inch” is!!!! It’s hilarious really…most of these women are saying they’ve had 9″, 10″ and 11″ cocks!!! Are all these men now in porn!?
    And you’ll see how much having a connection with their partner means to them and having a partner who’s interested in using various ways to give them sexual pleasure.

  6. Perhaps women need to have their real breast size tatooed somewhere, so we’d know what’s really hiding under that WonderBra. I was on a business trip once before I got married and hooked up with a married woman looking for an experience away from home.

    She seemed well built in clothes, but when her wonder bra came off, it revealed a very sad, saggy pair of tiny boobs. False advertisement.

    1. Yeah but you could still experiemce pleasure from sex. If the penis is too small, so is the pleasure.

      1. Nah, I couldn’t get excited. I had something in mind, and what I got was a really saggy small surprise. I had to keep looking away.

  7. You know….my girlfriend told me that one guy she dated had an erect penis the size of her thumb. I just looked at her, and said “really”? And she said yes. I asked her what she thought and she said: “I thought this guy must really be good in other ways to make up for his lack of size”. She was actually looking forward to what he was going to bring to the table , or bring to the dance. But she was extremely disappointed. She said he was an awful lover and it was just not because of his size. Still she gave him a fair chance and dated him for 6 months before ending it with him.

  8. I often wonder if many women see “big” differently than men do? I think most of us guys would say anything over 8″ is getting into big territory. But I think many women might see it differently. Case in point…I was on a first date with a woman (I’m 58 and she was 55). Had a great connection during the evening…lot’s of laughs, lot’s of connection, just felt completely comfortable.
    Somehow the talk turned to penis size. She said something about liking a big cock. I replied…well sorry, I’m just averaged sized. She replied….well that’s disappointing.
    I said….really? Well there are lot’s of different ways to enjoy sex, etc.
    We then went on to talking about different things.

    Long story short….we had sex a few dates later. I obviously remembered her big cock comment and wondered how she would react. She was down sucking my cock (while I was laying on my back) and she held it straight up and said….your cock is huge! Look at it!
    I thought to myself….well I’m glad you think my 6″ is huge but it isn’t really. It was at that moment I realized men and women probably see the world of cock a bit differently. Now obviously there are size queens who know what’s huge and what isn’t but I think the average woman isn’t that good at knowing.

    Note also I said this woman was 55. She’d had a fair number of partners in her life so she’s seen lot’s of cock. But I think the problem with younger women is…..they’ve seen modern porn where all men have huge cocks! They’ve probably developed a very warped view of what men should be packing in order to satisfy a woman.

    I’ve been watching porn since I was a teen. Well not truly watching it because back in the 70’s there was no video tapes, etc. But you look at Playboy, Penthouse, etc. and I saw my first 8mm dirty movie when I was 17 or so. Truly that old porn was pretty tamed compared to what is out there today. Google info about internet porn and you will see the stuff is virtually like crack cocaine to young minds. Young men are developing ED from all their porn watching, women too are becoming sexually dysfunctional. I never thought I would hear myself saying this BUT….people really need to stop watching porn or at the very least limit yourself to once a month.

  9. I think there is just too much focus on penis size. Clearly over the last 20 years that focus has grown into an obsession. And very seldom are obsessions healthy.

    To all the women and men who are size queens….do you think your size obsession will help you find a loving, caring and committed partner? I think your partner would want to be valued for others reasons and not just for having a horse cock. And have you ever stopped to think about that your size requirements might actually sabotage your relationship? How could it sabotage your relationship? Well I’m sure the man you’re with knows you like big cocks, and let’s suppose the guy has 8″. It won’t be long until he will start to wonder….I’ll bet she’d love to meet a guy with 10″! I bet a 10″ cock would be able to excite far more than my 8″ cock. And if you are a size queen…damn right you want 10″ stuffed into you! In fact you’ll always want more than what you’ve currently got.

    There is a VERY big difference between enjoying the size your partner has (and complimenting him on it) OR making his size a requirement. When size becomes the major factor in choosing a partner I have a very strong feeling that while the sex might have you feeling full…the relationship is likely to leave you feeling very empty.

  10. You know what I find pretty amusing? It’s how “cold” some of the women on here are. Men always get accused of being cold, or unemotional, etc. Yet in the comments you see the opposite. You see MANY men expressing sympathy and empathy for a small dicked man. They’re not making jokes, or attacking them for being less of a man. Yet many women on here are doing just that. Are some women using this as a form of revenge, a way to hit back at men they feel have wronged them in the past?
    Anyway…I just found it interesting to observe this.

  11. I’ve never been with a guy with such a small dick… but for me it would be something of a treat actually. I like the idea of my partner to have a good time, and maybe ( like all or most of us) I want to hear it was the best ever… but I can tie a cherry stem in a double knot with my tongue.

    Rather than choking to deep throat a massive salami, even if big ones are fun too, a small dick could be tons of fun… way better than a cherry stem for what one might be able to do with them with one’s tongue.

    A straight friend once told me in appreciating smaller breasts: “anything more than a mouthful is wasted.”

    If you want him to plow you silly, add some toys if you want to be ripped open… but if you like the idea of making him happy orally, you might just enjoy it… some cherry stems as foreplay?

  12. Let me begin by stating that I have been following this conversation on and off for years; please forgive me if I am repeating something that has already been said.

    Almost two thousand years ago, the author of the “Kamasutra” wrote that the genitals of men and women are large, average or small. “There are three equal unions between persons of corresponding dimensions and six unequal unions when the dimensions do not correspond, or nine kinds of unions in all. […] There are, then, nine kinds of union according to dimensions. Equal unions are the best.”

    No drama, no insults, no whining, just common sense from a classic Sanskrit text.

  13. Screw you. Why don’t women just tattoo their breast size on their wrists? While we’re at it – their measurements too! I’m not a goddamn sex toy. I am not a dildo. As important as sex between significant others is, you clearly value it far too much. My advice? Go to your sex shop and by yourself a big, 8 inch, silicon boyfriend, and make yourself unavailable.

  14. Back in 2001, when Em&Lo wrote for nerve, they admitted, “We hate to break it to you: size matters. There we said it.” I’m not sure what the reason is for the flip-flopping now.

    1. You left out the rest of what we wrote!: “But in the immortal words of Einstein (and no doubt he was talking about skin flutes), it’s all relative. Sure, some people have fond memories of penises past, and some have particularly fond memories of nice smooth penises, or nice big penises, or penises that fit just so. But what’s a perfectly shaped cuke to one person is a disappointing pig-in-a-blanket to another and an overwhelming meat loaf to yet another. Being nice and big doesn’t guarantee that you’ll become a fond penis memory, and being nice and big doesn’t guarantee that it’ll fit just so either. Sometimes smaller can be better: Just as penises come in different sizes, so do vaginas (or anal cavities, for that matter). Maybe every penis has a soulmate out there, the perfect fit. Regardless, most of the vagina’s nerve endings are at the entrance, and women are more likely to have an orgasm from external clitoral stimulation than vaginal pounding anyway. And canals, both front and back, are pretty flexible and accommodating no matter what the size — with the right tender loving care, of course. So, even though a good fit helps, what’s more important is how you play with the pieces you’ve got.”

      1. Indeed. I left that out there “waiting, hoping…” (in the immortal words of Buddy Holly) that it would elicit a response. Thank you for taking me to task. That said, as a man on the smaller side, who’s still had his fair share of partners, the issue has never been fit, once you get it to fit. It’s in the fact that a shorter penis doesn’t reach in many positions…and if your partner is used to sex a certain way, and you can’t provide that, there is nothing more humiliating. I’ve been there.

        1. We hear you, and that’s a bummer you’ve felt humiliated. But we will continue plugging (no pun intended) for a world in which more focus is put on the end goal (mutual sexual satisfaction) and less on how you get there (i.e. conceptualizing intercourse as an automatically superior sexual technique over all other acts, which thereby alienates not only guys on the smaller side, but also lesbians and gay men). There’s certainly more than one way to get to an orgasm — and they’re all pretty great. In the meantime, maybe you can find some, er, comfort in this letter, which we just received today: “I had sex with a guy who is very huge. Since then I’ve been having serious cramps, internal injury pains after urinating and slight bleeding. Please, what does this mean?”

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