Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City and she answers your medical questions here every few weeks. To ask her your own question, click here.
Dear Dr. Kate,
I’ve started seeing this new guy who has a very wide, very long penis. The first time we had intercourse it took minutes for us to inch his penis all the way inside of me. The ensuing sex was uncomfortable and it only took me ten minutes to get too sore to continue. I feel like we did everything correctly: foreplay was thorough and I was super aroused, we used a water-based lube, and we took things really slowly. The second time we tried intercourse, the same thing happened. We’ve tried both missionary and girl-on-top. I don’t have any STDs or other vaginal issues that make sex uncomfortable in general. I just can’t seem to accommodate his size! Is it possible that we just don’t “fit” together? Will I get used to it as we keep trying? Is there something I should be doing differently?
— Tight Fit
Dear T.F.,
When aroused, the average vaginal length is about 5-7 inches. So if a gal’s partner is longer than that, then good foreplay, lube, and going slowly are generally necessary for comfort. Which means that so far you have done everything right! In addition, you might want to try sex on your sides, to limit the depth of penetration as much as possible. And definitely avoid doggy-style! You could also try putting your hand on the base of his shaft to keep him from entering you up to the hilt. You should keep trying to find a way to make it work — you may find, for example, that intercourse is more comfortable at different points in your menstrual cycle — though it is possible that he may just be too large for deep thrusting intercourse. In which case, you may have to experiment with ways where he doesn’t fully enter you.
On a final note, just for the sake of perspective: ten minutes of intercourse doesn’t sound like that short of a time to me. I know some women enjoy a long session of intercourse, but ten minutes isn’t nothing. Perhaps instead of thinking of intercourse as the main course, you should be thinking of it as the dessert at the end of an already satisfying meal. In fact, I bet that a lot more women would enjoy sex if they started thinking of intercourse in this way!
Good luck,
— Dr. Kate
Gynotalk
Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City. She also lectures nationally on women’s health issues and conducts research on reproductive health. Check out more of her advice and ask her a question at Gynotalk.com.
Okay…im educated but adhd n usin a cell if u dont like it tuff shit lol. Anyway my opinion…im sorry jimbo i didnt read it all but im sure ml is right about her man’s size. Im 8″ long n 6″ round n im far from the biggest. Ppl comen all shapes n sizes. Anyway, im a little frustrared bc i cam here to learn about my situation not read a debate. Ive been with a little over 30 women and about 20% have a discomfort issue but adapt after trying 5-10 times. However, I fell deep in love with a girl like tight fit that broke up with me without giving a reason and the only issue she ever mentioned was our parts dont fit and sex felt like i was ripping her into. I havent heard of someone breaking up over that before but i believe it possible and have read a few incidents of women with the same issue. I did see one post where someone cut the end off of a pocket pussy and it worked for them. Its too late for us but maybe it will help so hopefully she doesnt have to give up on her man like my ex did (in theory anyway bc we were both attracted to one another and seemed to get along well but who knows for sure)
WOW!! I went on this site for a little advice but im glad I didnt ask anything. Seems like you guys go on these sites with your fingers ready to do some angry typing. Just cant wait to cause some drama. This is exactly whats wrong with society. Too many window warriors and keyboard bad asses. So the fuck what if someone likes big cock and hates little dicks and so the fuck what that someone with a little dick gets mad about a large cock lover constantly brags about how great a monster cock is. All that should matter is what this fucking thread is about, helping people learn how to find agreeable ways to fit a Cadillac in a dog house.Getting laid should never be this frustrating and I would be more than happy to angry fuck anyone who wants to argue. So here is my advice on the actual subject, I find if you apply enough lubrication and pressure you fit anything anywhere. Trying different positions and having patience is another key factor. What I like to do is eat the shit out of that pussy till the woman twitches everytime I blow on it, then I’ll lube the shit out of it then stick my cock halfway in. Then I’ll take a silver bullet and start vibrating her clit while I slowly thrust pushing a little further with every thrust. Just as soon as she is about to explode I push down right above the lips to push that g spot further down and I dont care how big or small the guy is or the female, at that point of the sex the explosion is so big that the woman is paying more attention to not passing the fuck out from a massive orgasm than the size of the dudes junk. I’m by far the biggest dick or the best lover out there but what I do know is that my methods always work and when im done that pussy can fit a couch in that mother fucker its so wet and aroused. And to anyone wanting to hate on what I just said you can eat a dick cause I really dont give a fuck.
Jimbo wins !!
Funny to read
Penis size is a novelty issue. It’s just not that important to most women.
All things being equal, bigger is better. But all things are NEVER equal.
the thing is if you become involved with a guy who has a large penis and you mention you like it to your friends, you begin to get little jokes and comments about it.
How does a man with a penis that is 8+ long and 5.25+ inches in girth find a woman who is sexually compatible?
I have been looking for over 10+ years. It is very depressing. I get so tired of wasting time and money dating just to find out we are not sexually compatible. Should I try dating sites and just put a warning on my profile to quickly eliminate non compatibles.
I have heard all the crap about a woman can stretch etc. Even if the vagina stretches there can still be discomfort. I have also notices my ex got yeast infections often.
I have a terrible, terrible time with busting condoms.
I am not trying to be funny or ask stupid questions etc. I am dead serious. Have any studies been done to find out how many women are actually capable of enjoying more than 7 inches?
The size of my penis has always been a very depressing issue for me and has lead to life long sexual frustration and it seems like it will never get better.
Well said Don Quixote. I would like to add that some women can suffer with a condition called vaginismus. The condition means that women either suffer from extreme pain during sex/inserting the penis or cannot have sex at all. It usually has a psychological basis and is most commonly found in young women. However, with counselling many women improve or are cured completely. I suffer with this problem and I was unable to have sex for many years. I still suffer from some pain during sex but it helps if my partner’s penis is smaller. I could absolutely not date a man with a large penis. I have tried but it is not worth the pain at all. However, for me just being able to have sex and thus a relationship is amazing as I never thought I would be able to have sex. If any woman reading this thinks this sounds like them then please go and get some help.
by the way my man is 26cm and i love it
I think I would take a large penis any day then get one that I can’t find or is limp in a minute and be miserble. Just enjoy what your man is blessed with and be proud he has picked you to share his passion with. There are millions of women who would line up for a good nite of sex with desent guy with his large penis attach an never complain. Be walking funny the next day but proud of it. Sex is for enjoyment to not just birth.
….I should add, “if she wants to have a baby on a daily or weekly regular basis,” having a large penis and small vagina doesn’t work over the long term.
I know from personal experience that penis size can be a hinderance during intercourse. I too am 8″ in circumference. Some women can handle it and some women cannot. Some women are small down there. It has been an impediment in my dating as I might like a girl, get to know her, then the act comes into play. After all the time is spent getting to know someone, the sex sucks because the pain can be unbearable for her. I have been told by women, “I know what it is like to almost have a baby,” to “I don’t think I could get used to THAT!” So, even though women can have a baby, if she wants to have a baby on a regular basis, having a large penis and a small vagina doesn’t work over the long term.
Put succinctly:
What is our purpose here? To help the original letter writers to Em and Lo solve their problems? Or to discuss or our personal preferences regarding bodies of the opposite sex? Clearly the former. Therefore statements like, “I prefer big ones, how does that make me a bad person, my boyfriend is x inches long, etc” are completely irrelevant to the topic at hand because they don’t solve anyone’s problem.
If such preferences come up, they should be stated in a manner that is SENSITIVE to others’ insecurities, NOT in a manner than can be interpreted as bragging, judging, or other condemnatory behavior.
People who are insensitive in stating their preferences ignore how it feels to be judged based on unchangeable aspects of one’s body. Such statements of preference are the true ad hominem attacks occurring here.
Wow, I always swear to never to return to this message board and yet to I do—I suppose because I enjoy debating utterly inconsequential issues such as this.
I want to address Jimbo. Here’s what’s going on here, as I see it: one gender has been placed in the role of “evaluator,” and the other in the role of “evaluated.” Therefore one—the evaluators—feels powerful, and enjoys getting to dispense authoratative judgements on the topic at hand, and the other—the evaluated—can’t help but to feel insecure. When the topic is penis size, women are obviously the evaluators and men the evaluated.
Were the situation reversed, I’m sure numerous women would be writing in complaining about men being less than sensitive in this forum. There probably would be quite a few men being less than sensitive (i.e. bragging about how perfect their particular girlfriend’s body happened to be etc.). One might argue that such a statement is simply a statement of preference, not an “evil” comment. Indeed, many women in this forum make this argument when they say things like, “Am I a bad person for liking bigger penises? Of course not!”
But here’s the truth: anytime someone has a preference that numerous other people don’t measure up to, and that someone goes around boldly stating that preference everywhere, then numerous people are bound to get hurt. In this instance it’s girls like ML with penis size, but it could just as easily be men brazenly stating their preferences for perfectly figured, big-breasted women. (Women, I have no illusions, I know that the sword quite cruelly cuts both ways with body issues.)
Imagine for a second an Em and Lo equivalent for guys, let’s call it Jim and Bo. Imagine a guy writing in complaining that he has gradually come to realize that his girlfriend’s body is simply deficient as a turn on and he’s wondering what to do about it. You can imagine various guys writing in with descriptions of their girlfriends’ perfect bodies and how they don’t have to deal with the letter writer’s issue, and then giving their opinions (just as has occurred with the topic of penis size and the gender roles reversed through these forums). I know for a fact that this hypothetical situation would affront numerous women to varying degrees, because they would feel put off by guys critiquing their girlfriend’s bodies in such open, blunt ways. Numerous charges of objectification might be raised, and, I should add, rightly so. These women would be reacting to their own body insecurities, and would have these insecurities exacerbated by reading guys’ frank discussions on the topic of the sexy female body.
My point is this: it’s fine to have one’s preferences, they are unavoidable. What is NOT fine, is to voice them in a way that may hurt others. For instance, I would never voice my preferences for a girl’s body around girls who did not fit them. In fact, I probably wouldn’t verbalize them around any girls, because to do so just seems insensitive to me.
What ML and many others have done in these forums is reveled in the opportunity to evaluate the opposite sex (regarding penis size), rather than be evaluated by it (as men do regarding women’s weight, breast size, ass size and shape, legs, etc). In this enthusiasm they have made comments regarding their preferences that are untempered by any sense of empathy for the opposite sex.
Yes ML, this is why I believe Jimbo called you out: you seem to revel in your preferences and state them repeatedly—preferences that exploit others’ sensitivities. Tons of other people do it in these forums; you happen to be one of the more vocal ones. Of course you’re entitled to your opinion, as is everyone else, but the measurement of partner’s genitalia has absolutely nothing to do with your professed purpose: helping the original letter writers to Em and Lo solve their problems.
Nor, really, does stating what your size preference even is. Why don’t you just help the girl out with how to solve her problem? Where do your PERSONAL size preferences factor in? This goes out to many more here than just ML.
How did this turn from giving a girl who’s having very personal trouble advice into people trying to hurt each other? Even if nobody else is going to say it, I am. Madamoiselle, I’m sorry Jimbo went after you like that- some of the stuff he said was really personal and harsh. People really let loose on the internet sometimes. And Jimbo, it sounds like you read some comments that hit where it hurts, and they stuck with you- I know how hard it can be to bite your tongue when someone says something that really pushes your buttons.
But I checked out this thread because I needed advice/perspective. I just tried sex for the first time last night, and found that my boyfriend’s so large we have trouble fitting. He’s very experienced and was very patient and tender, I was very aroused and wet enough to where I’m sure it’s not a lubrication issue, but it still hurt badly enough that we needed to slow down and eventually stop.
I’m sure that I have no medical issues which would make sex unusually painful. I had a pap smear and exam within the last few months, and know that everything’s normal and healthy. Nor am I particularly sensitive to pain; I do Krav and Hapkido, and spent years in competitive Hunter/jumper horseback. I’ve climbed right back on the horse after getting bucked off and smashed through a fence. But trying sex was quite painful, and in a much more nerve-wracking and personal way than the normal sprains and bruises I’m used to.
thinker~ I can’t vouch for other women, but as long as there’s no genuine medical or health issue going on, I honestly don’t give a fig about size. Maybe women who are more into experimentation and are more interested in sex for the purely physical do- (and even if it’s not my preference I find nothing wrong with that. Props to them for knowing how to enjoy themselves!)- but as far as I’ve seen in myself and most of my friends, it doesn’t even enter the equation of whether or not they’re attracted to a man.
As I said, his size has no bearing on my feelings for him; the only reason I’m mentioning it is because it’s making intercourse hard for us. (Pun, Lol!) I want to enjoy sex with him, and I want make sure that he’s satisfied, and that I don’t have to stop and ‘take a break’ or ask him to slow down when he’s really into it. We tried messing around orally, but it stretches my jaw so much that I had trouble holding my mouth that wide for more than a minute or two. But he’s been really good to me, and I want to make sure he enjoys himself in turn; any advice onto how I can learn or adjust to accommodate him, or something else I can do to ensure he’s satisfied?
As far as I can tell, Jimbo just went back to the previous threads that he happened upon to prove that he was telling the truth about madamL, Doing a little research to defend yourself in an argument is not being creepy, especially with written evidence that can be easily pasted to a comment. As far as I’m concerned MadamL lost credibility when Jimbo retrieved the comments that MadamL made, and refused to acknowledge. This has nothing to do with Penii anymore, it is now about credibility, and Jimbo wins there.
RickA, you are right, there is documented evidence about Penis size averages, and extremes, and it seems that almost everygirl that is willing to talk sex has had one of these whoppers. Well, I think it’s true, most women have, and here is why: Women hae a lot more sex than they will ever tell anybody about. i had a buddyb that would crash at my place when we were in our early 20’s, and you wouldn’t believe how many women (married mostly) that would knock on my door at night just to have a quickie with him, and then go straight home to their hbbies afterward, all the while owning their husbands trust. I was never into being a hme wrecker, but they weren’t that into me either, lol. This dude was notorious for ( I never cared to look) having a huge member, too. Women would also approach him while he was playing pool, or just hanging out when we went to the bars back in the day. They would walk from the otherside of the bar (big bar/club), hand him their number, make eye contact, and leave, this happened with different women everytime I went anywhere with this dude. I was just blown away by how forward some wmen are. How did they know he had a big weiner from all the way across the bar? I think women can look at a man in a split second and have him memorized from head to toe, including a bulge in the crotch area. So yes, I agree that at least some, maybe more, women prefer a big weiner. Feedback ladies?