Dear Em & Lo,
I’ve never been a girl who has difficulty reaching an orgasm. I started masturbating in college and learned pretty quickly what I like and what I do. Now when I’m with a guy, I find that I get off — really quickly and really hard. With my most recent hook-up, we were fully clothed and I came screaming hard. I’ve read so much about girls not being able to get off and I’m worried that something might be wrong with me. And I’m also really worried that guys will think that I’m faking. What should I do?
— Getting Worried About Getting Off
Dear GWAGO,
Now, we try to take every question we get seriously. But come on, this is a joke, right? You can’t possibly be serious!
Okay, okay, we’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and trust for the moment that you’re really concerned about this. Our advice: don’t be! You have a gift — enjoy it!
Yes, plenty of women with vaginas have trouble reaching orgasm, especially with a partner — whether because they’re young, they don’t masturbate, their partner isn’t providing the right stimulation, they’re not communicating to their partner what the right kind of stimulation is, they have body image issues, they’re stressed or depressed, they’ve experienced sexual trauma in the past, or their plumbing is a little different. For some heterosexual women — in fact, the majority of hetero women — it can be extra difficult during intercourse since the old in-out often doesn’t provide the kind of clitoral attention they need to reach their happy place. But there are many lucky, lucky women who can reach orgasm fairly effortlessly. This is a good thing.
Now, if you were having spontaneous orgasms every hour — in the middle of an office meeting, during sad movies, while talking to your parents on the phone — then that could be a real problem: a rare but real condition called persistent genital arousal disorder. But you’re simply orgasming easily when you want to — during masturbation and hookups with guys you like. Again, what’s the problem here?
We think most guys will love your enthusiastic reaction to being with them. If you really fear they’ll start thinking you’re too good to be true, simply reassure them that you’re not faking: you just happen to know what you want and your body always cooperates wholeheartedly while your mind doesn’t let any hangups get in the way. To be nice, you could also add that you’re just so turned on by the guy in question, he makes it easy! We’re guessing 99.999% of the time they’ll take your word for it.
Now stop your fretting and go with the flow before you give yourself a hangup!
Em & Lo
Well, my last girlfriend oragsmed easily and I think it most often as sexy. we just had to build up for the next act again
I am always wet and I come extremely easily. Especially if I have a lot of feelings for someone. One time the guy I liked, before I knew her was there, walked up behind me and said something in my ear. I gushed in my pants. I usually come several times before my guy does and always at the same time. Seeing him come is a definite way to make me come. I also squirt and it gets really wet. I don’t mind coming so much though. Unlike other women with this ability, I don’t get worn out. I can be overstimulated when my clit is rubbed though and I don’t feel anything when a man goes down on me…. I get bored.
OkAy so I used to be able to have a climax easy but lately it’s just not happening. My husband and I have a good sex relationship and we talk about it all the time. We do the foreplay we do and did mostly everything. I just don’t know why it’s hard for me to have a orgasm now. Any ideas?
I have quick, multiple orgasms. I’m glad I’m not alone. I’ve been masturbating since I was little(i would rub my crotch with my hand. of course, I didn’t know it was masturbation back then.) and I have orgasms every time I masturbate. It only takes me 30 seconds to a minute or so to come. After I come I relax for maybe 10 seconds and then continue masturbating. I can get off by doing what Hep suggested and also by humping furniture or a pillow or something.
Are you kidding me PuPPy ? Don’t say u tried everything just cause u think so.
That is natural, it can be process until ur boddies don’t start to recognize each other. I had same situation with my gf. She told me that she never reached orgasm before in sex until I came into her life ^^.
Anyway, the problem is in ur boyfriend, he need to be more active and imaginative. Tell him to stimulate ur clit during sex or u can do that too. It’s gonna work for sure.
Wow, I’m so glad there’s other women like this. I come extremely quickly full clothed rubbing against my partner’s erection. Like some of the previous commenters, this becomes so annoying because I’m literally done within minutes of starting. I can masturbate by humping the floor, but it still happens within a minute of starting. I always thought my clit was oversensitive or something, as rubbing it directly is almost painful to me. Any tips for prolonging orgasm in this situation?
Me too! I always thought I was oversensitive too! I don’t enjoy being rubbed directly on the clit and I don’t enjoy men going down on me. I’m definitely a wham bam thank you ma’am.
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I used to find it incredibly difficult to climax… but now I find it so easy and have once had over 20 orgasms in the one session. I quirt as well which can make for a very messy experience.
I’m embarrassed by it because I always climax well before my guy does and sometimes he doesn’t even get to cum. I feel like I’m bad at sex because of this even though he reassures me I’m not.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to the days where I had never had an orgasm…
I have hundreds sometimes in a long play session. I have clits all over my body. I even come spanking, nipple play,. rubbing my right knee a certain way, tickling my feet. I also can from giving orgasms. I have more ways but I’m tired.
I’m the same I find it easy to have an orgasm but only if I’m on top…. And I feel the fact that I’m so attracted to my man and i feel sexy helps it happen more often…but mostly only happens with me on top is that.normal… And I can’t please myself at all I’ve tried but I just don’t turn myself on…. No one believes that I don’t…So is this weird also
I’m dating a woman who orgasms very easily. Within minutes she is off and running, but it doesn’t stop her from wanting more. It doesn’t matter what position or what type of stimulation (penis, oral, finger(s), toys), she gets to point B faster than a teenage boy with a cheerleader. I will say that she becomes very tense while building up to and during her orgasms. Because of this I have to put a lot of concentration and effort (she may only be 5ft and petite, but she is very strong) to keep my rythm and could see this being a potential issue for some men. It doesn’t give much chance to relax and do what you want to if you’re constantly trying to keep up with her. I’ve tried and since I’m not 18 anymore. I basically have to pin her in position in order to to bring myself to orgasm, since we are polar opposites on this subject (It takes me a long time to get to my orgasm). However, we’re both in our late 30’s and are mature enough to talk about what we need and aren’t afraid to tell each other what we need in the moment without being put out. My biggest piece of advice is don’t think because she orgasms fast she necessarily wants it fast. It’s fun because I let her do her thing, for me slow and steady wins the race and I just enjoy the ride as I get to where I’m going. I will add there is waaaay more to our sexual encounters than just the in-and-out part 😉
Im so glad Im not alone. All of my girl friends think Im “luckY” but I actually envy their ability to have sex (or masturbate) for more than 3 minutes. It becomes painful after i orgasm most of the time and then I become a rag doll (which can be fun) The only thing I have found helps is having a few cocktails or beers before. But then its raunchy drunk sex. I have gotten my orgasms down to under a minute while masturbating. Its nice but..I would like to be able to enjoy the build up more. Never have a need for sex toys..kinda depressing.
I’m the same!!! It worries me too!!!
I believe that most women (ok mabe not all) would hv experienced pleasurable dreams before waking up to some painful cramps in their calves.
It is really easy. i just want to know if this method works for All women.
Say, you are rubbing yourself or having sex.
1. Lie on your back.
2. Straighten your legs.
3. Point your toes Forward (think:ballerina)
4. If need be, hold your breath.
I was so upset when I started reading this, and you assumed it was a joke, but with all the other ladies on here with the same issue I feel a lot better.
I wondered for a long time if I was not actually having orgasms, and if there was something else, because of the way people talk about orgasm like it’s a holy grail. However I orgasm very easily for the most part. I find that the fun of it is discovering different kind of orgasms that I have, which is really lovely.
I find I am really not compatible with guys who assume you want to keep coming. They have this massive ego problem of how long they can keep going, how many times they can make you come and I’ll be lying there praying for them to come because the whole situation has become painful. Guys – please don’t so this, it can be really upsetting. Men often just don’t seem to take me seriously at all. As a piece of advice, do tell guys aout this quite quickly, and inform them if things are getting uncomfortable. They may have been holding off because they think you’re loving it, when things may actually have started becoming painful.
Just to be clear, that this does not mean sex has to be fast, I can force sex to be slow. And I don’t mean by thinking of something else, but by enjoying the relaxing sensations you can get if you go very slowly – it can be like a massage, and the slow build up can lead to really great orgasms that I find really help me to connect with my partner.
Also, once you start to take control of your orgasm a wee bit more, you can hold back somewhat. This means you can time coming at the same time as your partner, which is quite intimate.
i know how the op feels. after getting my clitoral hood piercing, i cum quickly and easily. its nothing for me to have 10 or more orgasms in a good session with my bf. he loves it but if your with a new guy it can be kinda a shock for them. accept it hunny and love it.