Dear Em & Lo,
I’ve never been a girl who has difficulty reaching an orgasm. I started masturbating in college and learned pretty quickly what I like and what I do. Now when I’m with a guy, I find that I get off — really quickly and really hard. With my most recent hook-up, we were fully clothed and I came screaming hard. I’ve read so much about girls not being able to get off and I’m worried that something might be wrong with me. And I’m also really worried that guys will think that I’m faking. What should I do?
— Getting Worried About Getting Off
Now, we try to take every question we get seriously. But come on, this is a joke, right? You can’t possibly be serious!
Okay, okay, we’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and trust for the moment that you’re really concerned about this. Our advice: don’t be! You have a gift — enjoy it!
Yes, plenty of women with vaginas have trouble reaching orgasm, especially with a partner — whether because they’re young, they don’t masturbate, their partner isn’t providing the right stimulation, they’re not communicating to their partner what the right kind of stimulation is, they have body image issues, they’re stressed or depressed, they’ve experienced sexual trauma in the past, or their plumbing is a little different. For some heterosexual women — in fact, the majority of hetero women — it can be extra difficult during intercourse since the old in-out often doesn’t provide the kind of clitoral attention they need to reach their happy place. But there are many lucky, lucky women who can reach orgasm fairly effortlessly. This is a good thing.
Now, if you were having spontaneous orgasms every hour — in the middle of an office meeting, during sad movies, while talking to your parents on the phone — then that could be a real problem: a rare but real condition called persistent genital arousal disorder. But you’re simply orgasming easily when you want to — during masturbation and hookups with guys you like. Again, what’s the problem here?
We think most guys will love your enthusiastic reaction to being with them. If you really fear they’ll start thinking you’re too good to be true, simply reassure them that you’re not faking: you just happen to know what you want and your body always cooperates wholeheartedly while your mind doesn’t let any hangups get in the way. To be nice, you could also add that you’re just so turned on by the guy in question, he makes it easy! We’re guessing 99.999% of the time they’ll take your word for it.
Now stop your fretting and go with the flow before you give yourself a hangup!
Em & Lo