I Keep Dreaming About Sex with My Husband’s Friend

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex & relationships. If you’ve got a good one, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg just might tell you what it means! Click here to submit yours (18 and older only for dream interpretations, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri about dreaming of “having sex with my husband’s friend.”

I have a reoccurring dream where I have sex with my husband’s friend and coworker. I’ve literally only met this guy 3 or 4xs. He’s the quiet type so I don’t know much about him except what my husband “gossips” to me about. In real life I don’t ever think of cheating or doing anything to hurt my husband in any way. We have frequent, great sex & I have no complaints there, but I can’t figure out why I’m having very explicit sex dreams every other night or so. Always with the same person. I need help understanding what my dream is trying to tell me. Please help!

Lauri: First, let’s be clear about whether you are having cheating dreams or sex dreams? A cheating dream is when you are aware in the dream that the sex you are having is outside of your marriage. A sex dream would be sex with no awareness that you are married… not until you wake up.

If it’s a cheating dream, then that tells me there may be something you are giving a lot of time, thought, energy or attention to that your subconscious feels is taking away from the marriage. Do you have a job, a new baby, or some other activity or behavior that, when you think about it, is like a third wheel in the marriage? If so, that is why you are getting these dreams so much. And for some reason, hubby’s co-worker symbolizes that. My guess is that it has something to do with what your hubby gossips about. Take a good look at what he has told you about him and see if you can find a common thread between that and whatever it is that you have been doing or giving energy to.

If it’s just a sex dream, then it is not likely that you have a hidden attraction to your hubby’s co-worker but rather have an attraction to something about him. Again, examine what it is your husband has told you about him. Is there something in that, which you desire for yourself? Or is there something about his personality that could be useful to you should you incorporate it into your personality? For example, you described him as the quiet type. Are you the type that speaks before thinking? Says more than you should? Perhaps being more reserved and quiet is what you need to take on. Ask yourself what stands out about him. Whatever comes to mind first… or even second… is likely what it is. Remember, most sex dreams aren’t about a physical union you want but rather a psychological union you need.

I hope this helps. We look forward to hearing back from you.